Over reacting or not....

crystalsteele

So the colors for my wedding are black and fushia with lots of bling.  My future Mother in law has decided on her outfit for the wedding.  She has picked a white jacket/shirt with long chiffon sleeves and a long black skirt.  I am not happy about her choice.  1.  My dress is white and made of satin and chifon material 2.  I was under the impression it is not proper for the Mother of the Groom to wear white or match the colors of the wedding but should coordinate/mesh with the colors.  Well black is one of my colors.  Thoughts????? Am I over reacting about this beings she is wearing black and white and not all white?

SilverLining1

I know there are a lot of different opinions on this, but I would personally not be bothered by this at all. I was at a wedding recently where the MOG wore a full length white dress. That, I side-eyed. What you described seems fine to me, since black and white are very common color combinations. It's true that she could find something outside of these colors, but I think that this would work well with your wedding colors and is NBD.

annakb8

I can't see the OP, but if you have to ask the answer is usually yes.

hbatchel2

You can't tell her what she wears, so yes, she can wear it.

Based on what you've described, I would probably side-eye it as a guest because it seems like a lot of white, but its her choice.

annakb8

Now I can see your post. And yes, you are overreacting. It's black ffs, not periwinkle blue #35. People are going to wear black to your wedding whether you like it or not. 

And as for the white top thing, it isn't something I would wear to a wedding, but it isn't that big of a deal. 

SunriseAmber

I wouldn't be bothered by it. Maybe what your MIL is doing is poor etiquette but I personally wouldn't care. I will say that I went to my FSIL's wedding a few months back and the grooms sister wore an all white dress which also resembled a wedding dress. Every one was pissed.

Unless it was something around those lines then don't worry about it. 

MyUserName1

I would not be thrilled, but it isn't the hill i would choose to die on, you know?

If she's already bought it, I wouldn't say anything.  Not so important that its worth risking the relationship with my FMIL.

ILoveToRobot

Personally, I wouldn't want anyone that's going to be in family photos to wear white. I don't think I would mind the black though. That being said you can't dictate what anyone wears except the bridal party. I'm  going to suggest to MIL and mom that they wear wedding colors but not the same color as the bridal party.

amys325

You do realize that a lot of your guests will be wearing black, right?  

I assure you, the MOG will not stand out if she's wearing black.  If she was wearing a full length fuscia gown that matched your BMs, I would maybe questions it.  Black is kind of like a go to for most people. 

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:28fd4336-8fc2-4e8d-bac2-4ddea137cfdd">Re: Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Over reacting or not.... : This is outdated.  She can wear what she likes, as long as it's not Julia Roberts' outfit from the beginning of Pretty Woman. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

But that's my go-to for weddings!  It makes me feel like a lady.

jemmini6

While it's a little annoying that she chose a lot of white, she's the only one that's going to look ridiculous in it.

As for black, that is way too common of a color for you to 'claim'.  My colors were black, white and yellow and both my mom AND my MIL had solid black dresses.  They looked great.  Several of my guests also wore at least some black...they did not ruin my wedding.

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:543a747a-5746-47ac-976f-8519d1da4803">Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]So the colors for my wedding are black and fushia with lots of bling.  My future Mother in law has decided on her outfit for the wedding.  She has picked a white jacket/shirt with long chiffon sleeves and a long black skirt.  I am not happy about her choice.  1.  My dress is white and made of satin and chifon material 2.  I was under the impression it is not proper for the Mother of the Groom to wear white or match the colors of the wedding but should coordinate/mesh with the colors.  Well black is one of my colors.  Thoughts????? Am I over reacting about this beings she is wearing black and white and not all white?
Posted by crystalsteele[/QUOTE]

<div>What color is bling?</div><div>
</div><div>From what you've described, her outfit sounds fine.  Rules about mothers coordinating with each other or the bridal party are rather outdated.  Let her wear what she wants.  It doesn't sound like enough white to make her appear foolish, so I think it's fine.</div>

achiduck

Her outfit sounds fine.

Honestly, unless she looks like a prostitute I wouldn't say anything.

Ciardasully

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:543a747a-5746-47ac-976f-8519d1da4803">Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]So the colors for my wedding are black and fushia with lots of bling.  My future Mother in law has decided on her outfit for the wedding.  She has picked a white jacket/shirt with long chiffon sleeves and a long black skirt.  I am not happy about her choice.  1.  My dress is white and made of satin and chifon material 2.  I was under the impression it is not proper for the Mother of the Groom to wear white or match the colors of the wedding but should coordinate/mesh with the colors.  Well black is one of my colors.  Thoughts????? Am I over reacting about this beings she is wearing black and white and not all white?
Posted by crystalsteele[/QUOTE]

I do have a question.  Did you talk to her beforehand what you had in mind for an MOG dress?  I can see why the white would upset you and I also agree with PP's about black being a common color to wear.  I know with us, my FI is Scottish and his tartan is mostly red so I am having the Bridesmaids wear red.  There is some navy and forrest green and both our mothers asked us what we thinking and I said I would MOB to wear navy and MOG to wear forrest green and both agreed.

Wiscisbliss

I understand your frustration.  My MIL chose to wear a white dress to my wedding.  The clerk at the store told her not to buy it and get it in one of the other colors, particularly because I was wearing ivory, but she bought it and wore it anyway. 

In all honesty though, it didn't make a difference come wedding day.  No mistaking who is the bride, at the event or in the pics. 

NuggetBrain

Seriously?  So nobody is allowed to wear the slightest hint of white but the bride?  Seriously?!

mbody

Over reacting. You can't dictate what someone wears as a wedding guest. Everyone will know you're the bride not you FMIL. Don't worry!

Marina007

Definitely overreacting. 

LittleMissCutiePie

A white jacket is a lot different then an all white ensemble. And although black is one of your colours, it won't be as noticeable that she's matchy-matchy, because I guarantee you, others will be wearing black as well. It actually sounds like a really nice outfit to me.

banana468

She's wearing white and black - two basic colors.

What colors are the men wearing?  

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:28fd4336-8fc2-4e8d-bac2-4ddea137cfdd">Re: Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Over reacting or not.... : This is outdated.  She can wear what she likes, as long as it's not Julia Roberts' outfit from the beginning of Pretty Woman. 
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Yeah, moms can't wear that.  Flower girls can, though.


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In all seriousness, OP - I think what she has planned to wear sounds perfectly fine.

Kate61487

I think saying that black is one of your colors and thus off the table is ridiculous. 

I'm not crazy about the white top idea; like I said in a post almost identical to this one earlier this week in any head shots it will appear all white.  However, something that's structured enough for you to call it a jacket, and with it having long sleeves I feel like it's not as bridal as the one we saw earlier.

Regardless, your FMIL gets to wear whatever she wants, as does your mom.  Whether you/we like it or not...

button6004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:543a747a-5746-47ac-976f-8519d1da4803">Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]So the colors for my wedding are black and fushia with lots of bling.  My future Mother in law has decided on her outfit for the wedding.  She has picked a white jacket/shirt with long chiffon sleeves and a long black skirt.  I am not happy about her choice.  1.  My dress is white and made of satin and chifon material 2.  I was under the impression it is not proper for the Mother of the Groom to wear white <strong>or match the colors of the wedding but should coordinate/mesh with the colors</strong>.  Well black is one of my colors.  Thoughts????? Am I over reacting about this beings she is wearing black and white and not all white?
Posted by crystalsteele[/QUOTE]


Since when can the MOG not "match" the colors of the wedding?  If my FMIL wanted to wear something that fit in my color scheme, I would think it was great.

And I'm in agreement with all the PPs- you're going to be a sad panda if you think no one will show up in a black dress, etc just because its one of your colors.

pillsburyaj

My mom likes to joke that the MOG's duty is to "Shut up, show up, and wear beige."
It seems like the standard MOG (and MOB, for that matter) ensemble is a beige scalloped dress. Anyhoo, in all seriousness, I think you may be overreacting. It would be one thing if her dress was all white. I actually think her black and white dress will look nice since it compliments your dress's fabric and your wedding colors.

rebarobert2012

A lot of people wear black dresses or black suits for that matter, so it's pretty unrealistic to think that no one will show up in anything black just because it is one of your colors.

salexion

Agree with PP's on the whole wearing black thing. That's such a common color that you'll probably have other guests wearing black as well. Heck, I've worn a black dress to a wedding before.

I can see where you'd be upset about her wearing white, but the way you described it, as a jacket, doesn't make it sound too bad. At least she isn't wearing a brignt white mini dress with sequins- this happened at FSIL's wedding.

krizzo17

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_over-reacting-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa96b1e7-f1de-49be-8d51-bbfd5b11fb22Post:15deed57-398d-4715-a2c6-e9297eb49022">Re: Over reacting or not....</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom likes to joke that the MOG's duty is to <strong>"Shut up, show up, and wear beige."</strong> It seems like the standard MOG (and MOB, for that matter) ensemble is a beige scalloped dress. Anyhoo, in all seriousness, I think you may be overreacting. It would be one thing if her dress was all white. I actually think her black and white dress will look nice since it compliments your dress's fabric and your wedding colors.
Posted by pillsburyaj[/QUOTE]

haha my mom always says "be silent and wear beige". She's legit going to wear beige when my brother gets married, I bet.

redheadfsu

This woman is about to be your mother-in-law, as in you will have her in your life forever. So the best bet is to kill her with niceness. Let her wear whatever she wants. Be the sweet daughter-in-law that cares more about her happiness than silly rules.

lenergyrlah

My colors are black and hot pink also!  I think that by picking a common, basic color like black, you have to accept that other guests might wear it as well.  Part of the reason that I picked black was BECAUSE the bridesmaids could wear their dresses to other weddings in the future (they're knee-length black dresses).  And it's not like your mom is picking a dress that looks a lot like your bridesmaids dresses.

I understand that you're upset about the white.  My mom is planning to wear a champaign-colored sheath dress that looks white in pictures, and it bothers me too.  But remember that unless she's wearing a long white dress (and possibly a veil), nobody is going to think that she's the bride.  

If it's bothering you that much, you could ask her if she thinks the white top looks too bridal, but at the end of the day it's her decision, and it would be rude for you to criticize her outfit.  How would you feel if a male guest wore a white shirt and black pants to your wedding?  Because someone probably will.

crystalsteele

I have talked to her before hand and she has honestly tried to be a bit over judgemental on the entire wedding in which my Fiance' and I are paying for 100%.  She even told me straight forward that she is living vicuriously through my wedding because she did not get to have a real wedding.  Which makes me think even more that she is purposely doing this.  I wouldn't even mind as much if her top were not made of the exact material that my dress is made of and not to mention I have a beautiful broche (spelling) that is really blingy right in the middle of my dress (which she despised the bling in the beginning) and so does her shirt!  Just feel that she is trying to copy too much.  I guess everyone would just have to know her to see what I am talking about.  I have come to the conclusion that she will have to be the one that gets the weird looks if she chooses to wear the outfit.  I have much bigger issues to deal with as my wedding is only 106 days away!  Thanks for listening LOL, I am sure my friends and family are tired of hearing it.

crystalsteele

Yes and really not even that upset about the black it is the whole white thing and the fact that she calls this "our wedding" refering to mine and hers as opposed to mine and her sons.  And she did straight up tell me she was living vicariously through my wedding because she did not have a wedding when she got married.  Guess you'd just have to know her. Thanks for the input, so far I have said nothing about it and probably won't, I will not let something like that reuin my big day