Wedding Etiquette Forum

*XP* Miss or Ms.?

One of our friends whom we are inviting with her cohabitant boyfriend is in her late 30's and never married.  On one hand she's a modern career woman and I would lean towards addressing her invitation to "Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith."  But on the other hand she is a traditional Southern girl and a little self conscious of her age so I would lean towards addressing her invitation to "Miss Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith."  Maybe it wouldn't really be stupid, but I would feel like an idiot asking her what she would prefer.  What do you think?
Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.

Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?

  • Miss is for young ladies (aka not adults) or very young, unmarried adult women (think 18, 19, MAYBE 20). 

    The only age that is implied with Ms. is "adult".  I don't understand why being addressed as "Ms." would make her feel old.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Ms.  

    I think Miss is inappropriate after age 18. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:46026154-79c4-4c2f-8866-1f9440bfadee">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ms.   I think Miss is inappropriate after age 18. 
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

    <div>Same here. For anyone under 18 and not married I put Miss. Anyone over 18 and not married, I put Ms. </div>
  • Since they are not married the invitation shouldn't be made out using "and" either. The "and" means they're married.

    It should be:

    Ms. Jane Doe
    Mr. John Smith

    And I agree about Ms. rather than Miss.  Miss seems inappropriate after high school.
  • If you are close enough, I suppose you could just ask her, but I am leaning towards Ms.  Miss seems only appopriate for young girls.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:e80a8c4e-5813-4998-be5b-f3eb74204b63">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since they are not married the invitation shouldn't be made out using "and" either. The "and" means they're married. It should be: Ms. Jane Doe Mr. John Smith And I agree about Ms. rather than Miss.  Miss seems inappropriate after high school.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.</div>
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
    image
  • Thanks for the input!  And of course I was planning to put them on separate lines, just typing quickly trying to explain in my post and didn't think of it at the time.
    Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:e80a8c4e-5813-4998-be5b-f3eb74204b63">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since they are not married the invitation shouldn't be made out using "and" either. The "and" means they're married. It should be: Ms. Jane Doe Mr. John Smith And I agree about Ms. rather than Miss.  Miss seems inappropriate after high school.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    This makes sense to me but I am a bit confused because on Emily Post's website it says:

    "To an unmarried couple living together <p>Invitations to an established couple who are unmarried but live at the same address are addressed to "Ms. Nancy Fellows and Mr. Scott Dunn," on one line."</p>I realize her question may just be about a couple and not necessarily a couple living together but I was just curious about this discrepancy.
    imageWedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm in Camp "Just Ask Her". I know that from an etiquette stand point "Ms." is correct after age 18 for an unmarried woman ... however, I do know a few older women that prefer "Miss" just the same for whatever reason.

    Since this is one of those things that doesn't really hurt anybody, I'd rather violate etiquette and call them what they prefer to be called than go by the book and address them in a way that annoys them.

    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
    image

  • Before I was married I always went with Miss for personal occasions, perhaps I was not correct but thats how I thought it should be.  I would ask her, she may have a preference. 
    image
  • I'm 21, and I know I still prefer Miss,  I never knew it wasn't correct.  Learn something new every day. 
  • There's nothing wrong with either so just ask her.
  • Both Ms. and Miss are correct from an etiquette standpoint.  Miss is correct for an unmarried woman of any age and Ms. is correct for any woman of any marital status.  

    Personally, I prefer Ms. and believe that most women over about 25 do, but if you think she'll have a strong opinion either way, you should ask her.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:e935e881-e1ae-4dca-b6fc-4ab0604721a7">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Before I was married I always went with Miss for personal occasions, perhaps I was not correct but thats how I thought it should be.  I would ask her, she may have a preference. 
    Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

    Me too. I mean. I'm not married yet, but I always thought that if you haven't been married yet, you were addressed as 'miss' and if you were divorced, you were addressed as 'ms.' But I may have only thought that because of the way you pronounce the words based on marital status.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:f3c5bc46-251d-4119-8e24-b0486a0ab8d0">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.? : Me too. I mean. I'm not married yet, but<strong> I always thought that if you haven't been married yet, you were addressed as 'miss' and if you were divorced, you were addressed as 'ms.' </strong>But I may have only thought that because of the way you pronounce the words based on marital status.
    Posted by sonya+adam[/QUOTE]

    <div>You are correct about Miss, but not Ms.  Ms. was invented to be a female form of Mr. and is therefore always acceptable. </div>
  • Around 24 or 25 I moved from Miss to Ms.
  • At age 31, I have a boss who likes to call me "Miss."  I hate it.  I say, when in doubt, use Ms.
  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-miss-or-ms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab158657-15e5-471e-9106-cc5a215f9ec4Post:369e350e-c0b6-46d2-918c-8307b63754ef">Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: *XP* Miss or Ms.? : You are correct about Miss, but not Ms.  Ms. was invented to be a female form of Mr. and is therefore always acceptable. 
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's what I thought. I have always been taught that Miss is for an unmarried female, regardless of age;  Ms. is for any adult woman, regardless of age or marrital status; and of course Mrs. is for a married woman. Until I met FI a couple years ago (when I was 28), I was very happy to go my "Miss" because it let people know that I was still single and available <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />. To me, it was kinda special b/c once you're married, you can never go by Miss again.

    IDK, maybe you're not supposed to go by Miss after 18, as PP's have said, but I sure did.  . . . .however, if someone addressed an envelope as "Ms." I would not have been offended at all b/c I understand that "Ms." is a standard title for any adult woman, which is what I am.
  • I actually didn't mind being addressed as Miss before I was married. I always recieved correspondance with that as my title. Technically, it's fine. However, by and large, the consensus here is that adult women prefer Ms, so I used that on all of my wedding invitations.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • Im 23 and I prefer Ms.; however I don't think you'll offend her by asking how she prefers to be addressed!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards