parents bringing 'dates'

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:869095fd-52b2-44a2-b0fd-928a64a73c82">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]are they separated but going through a very long, drawn out divorce or have divorce papers not even been filed yet? are you also certain that your father left your mom for this woman?  for some people, the marriage is often over long before they actually leave - so they sometimes start dating much quicker than what some would think is appropriate, thus giving an appearance of leaving for someone else.  a co-worker of mine started dating about 2 weeks after she left her husband - but i know from things she had told me that it was over for about 2 years before she actually left her husband.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

Seriously. Come on people. Keep your noses out of other people's relationships. It's none of your business.

Also, "separated" is a legal definition. In some states you CAN'T finalize your divorce for at least a year after filing, and I assume most people file after they're quite sure the marriage is over. Pretty much everyone I know who has been divorced started dating after they moved out and moved on with their lives, regardless of what their legal marital status was (hint: their legal status was separated).

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:31f5a218-b1ac-4231-be3b-bd27ebd4f9ab">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a thought. Perhaps you should spend less time worrying about this issue and concentrate on the fact that your FI is sending texts to other girls on a secret phone telling them he's single and trying to meet up with them.
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>is there history we don't know about?</div>

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:707afba9-1823-4bc0-83f0-95084262b233">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: parents bringing 'dates' : is there history we don't know about?
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Look on Christian Weddings.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA link:</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_curious-to-know-what-you-all-think-i-should-have-done">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_curious-to-know-what-you-all-think-i-should-have-done</a></div>

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:31f5a218-b1ac-4231-be3b-bd27ebd4f9ab">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]Just a thought. Perhaps you should spend less time worrying about this issue and concentrate on the fact that your FI is sending texts to other girls on a secret phone telling them he's single and trying to meet up with them.
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

If she focuses on this problem, the other one disappears. Pfft, don't you know anything?

lyndausvi

well they do say woman married men like their fathers.......

amyb140

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:84f88661-285a-4a08-94f7-c6980ebb5176">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: parents bringing 'dates' : If she focuses on this problem, the other one disappears. Pfft, don't you know anything?
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh you're right - I totally forgot.</div>

Summer2011Bride

I'm mostly stuck on demanding your mom and dad who have been separate for nearly a decade sit at the same table. I don't care that it's a "family table." You can have more than one family table. If they are not friends, they are not on speaking terms and do not enjoy each others' company, it is rude to purposely sit them together.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:ea00ad2d-c13a-4dc2-9a8f-60097b365669">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: parents bringing 'dates' : Look on Christian Weddings. ETA link: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_curious-to-know-what-you-all-think-i-should-have-done">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_curious-to-know-what-you-all-think-i-should-have-done</a>
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]


Well, she's just CURIOUS about what other people would do. She's already made her decision and stuff, so she doesn't need advice!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

OP, please tell me you didn't invite people to your ceremony only. Please.

http://davidandchristinaswedding.blogspot.com/2012/08/no-pastorbut-we-have-music.html

ps: pleeeeease send back your RSVP cards!  The deadline is September 28 and I've only recieved about 1/4 of the cards.  If you have not recieved a formal inviation and RSVP card, you are invited to the wedding a CEREMONY guest only.  It doens't mean we aren't friends...it just means that we have chosen to have a small reception with just our family and wedding party. 

Girlie1030

Wow. 

zitiqueen

Oh dear God.

lyndausvi

LDubHawksFan

Oh gosh.....this is bad.  I've never heard of only inviting people to the ceremony.  The reception is the thank you!!!  But then again, she isn't hosting a dinner after the rehearsal either.  Yikes, this is too far gone.

samantha24p

What a sickening twist.....

crash2729

Im wondering how many people there are in the family and wedding party? She acts like she has a lot of cards out there. Lol.

banana468

WOOOOOW.   

I understand that when someone you love hurts you this way, you want to hate the co-conspiritor and not the loved one.   The fact is that your dad DID cheat.      The mentality that the mistress is the homewrecker and doesn't warrant an invitation is completely anti-feminist IMO.   You're saying that the only guilty party was the woman and regardless of whether or not you believe it, welcoming your dad and not the GF sends the message that what she did is somehow worse than what he did.

Secondly, you're saying that you'll take his money but you won't treat him with respect.    This makes me think that you're still not "over" what he did if you're still happy to accept his contribution to the reception yet you will not treat him with respect.

That you're forcing your parents to sit at a table tells me that you haven't come to terms with their separation.  These are people who have been separated for the better part of a DECADE.   You're forcing them to sit together at the reception for what real purpose?    They shouldn't be seated next to each other at all.   They're not together and you forcing them to sit together at the reception isn't respecting either of them.    Your mother deserves better treatment too.

I haven't looked at the post about what your FI is doing but seriously?   You're still marrying him?

AAAAAND you're inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception too?

I recommend you see a therapist and read an etiquette book while you're waiting in the lobby for your appointment.   

Jen4948

Yikes.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:79fc8214-f304-4fa6-b97e-1c54523667f0">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not think that resenting the affair partner more than the parent is necessarily a sexist position.  Adult children might feel the same as regards step dad and mom, if mom were cheater.   IMHO, no one has the right to be foregiven, the child can forgive whomever they want. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Well that's your opinion.   Based on your other posts, I'm finding it rather difficult to give it much merit.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:79fc8214-f304-4fa6-b97e-1c54523667f0">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not think that resenting the affair partner more than the parent is necessarily a sexist position.  Adult children might feel the same as regards step dad and mom, if mom were cheater.   IMHO, no one has the right to be foregiven, the child can forgive whomever they want. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]



But how can you call it true forgiveness if you aren't accepting the parent's new partner? "Hey Dad, I forgive you, as long as I get to pretend that evil slut you married after Mom doesn't exist" isn't really forgiveness at all. It's just another way of punishing the parent who cheated.

And seriously NYU? You need piles of counseling. Seriously. Piles of it.

KatWAG

Wow. Best tread in awhile. And it's not even a trol!

Bec20

I don't get the whole "well, they're separated but still married" thing.  Separated is a legal status in many places.  My parents had emotionally checked out of their marriage when I was a child and finally separated in March of 2008.  They filed for divorce that summer but guess what?  They still aren't divorced.  Trying to say that they are still a social unit is ridiculous and I truly don't get anybody who refuses to consider situations like that.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:a2a345ab-a335-4b9b-b425-088ada137b89">Re:parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:parents bringing 'dates':

Dear God, don't say that.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]



I am pretty sure it's only true when you go through life with your head buried deep, deep in your own ass (::cough:::ourfavoriteposterwithdaddyissueswhoiwon'tname:::cough). Those of us with thoughtful, gracious mothers who raised us to be thoughtful, gracious people (I'm looking at you, Stage) tend to avoid this particular fate.

Bec20

NYU, the dad's mistress didn't break up the marriage.  The cheating spouse in a marriage is the one who breaks it up.  Period.  I think you really need to realize that blaming the affair partner but not the cheater is misplacing anger about the situation.

peekaboo2011

Oh dear Lord.  I leave for a run and some tasty dinner, and this happens.

OP, you are, without a doubt, a pile of crazy.  The kind of crazy that parents should beat out of their kids at a young age.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:42643e5d-3672-4dca-aa14-e91ccffe44f9">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]NYU, the dad's mistress didn't break up the marriage.  The cheating spouse in a marriage is the one who breaks it up.  Period.  I think you really need to realize that blaming the affair partner but not the cheater is misplacing anger about the situation.
Posted by Bec20[/QUOTE]
Well, this thread was fun. And I completely agree with this. I notice the word "whore" being thrown around, but not as much angry, derogatory terms being directed at the actual person who cheated. I'm not saying I expect any posters to bad mouth their own parents, but the anger definitely seems misdirected.

Also, the term social unit isn't a legal term, it's a social term, so if the married couple thinks of themselves as social units with other people, that's legit.

[Deleted User]

Yikes. Shiz got crazy while I was away.

OP -
1. It is not ok to split up your father and his girlfriend. You don't get to make the judgement call as to whether an EIGHT YEAR relationship is serious. Not to mention, if he's shelling out cash for this, he at least has the right to invite his LIVE IN PARTNER.

2. Sit your parents at different tables, for your mother's sake. My FI's parents actually get along (have been divorced since he was 2 and no cheating involved so it's all wayyyy under the bridge), and we're still not sitting them together. His mom's with her family, his dad's with his family, and that's that. It's really not this bizarre a concept.

3. I'm not even going to touch the ceremony only thing with a ten foot pole.

4. You seem to have a lot of issues with both your dad and your fiance. Maybe you should postpone the wedding and get some counselling for both of these before you proceed?

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:a942bf64-a3a0-4822-a716-8e6573c6df03">Re:parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:parents bringing 'dates' :

I am pretty sure it's only true when you go through life with your head buried deep, deep in your own ass (::cough:::ourfavoriteposterwithdaddyissueswhoiwon'tname:::cough). Those of us with thoughtful, gracious mothers who raised us to be thoughtful, gracious people (I'm looking at you, Stage) tend to avoid this particular fate.
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]



I don't think I've laughted this much in a long time.

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:456916d5-49f9-4402-a258-0f4a68615a02">Re:parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:parents bringing 'dates' : 1. my father is not serious about this woman. he has left her repetedly, seen other women since and gone back to her.  he is comfortable with her because she is clingly and needy. 2. <strong>uh, yeah, i can ingore that because my father had an affair with this woman and destroyed my family</strong>. 3 of course my parents are sitting together at the reception!!  since they are my family, they are sitting at the family table.  my parents are in no way "hosts" of my wedding. 4. my dad has contributed money for my venue and that is it.  i never expect anything from him becuase he is unreliable.  btw-i'm posting this to ask what everyone thinks it the proper thing to do...i'm simply curious.  i really don't care what is considered "proper etiquette" in this situation because apparently the right thing to do will be embarassing, uncomfortable and very disrespectful to me and my family.
Posted by christinavy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your dad destroyed your family by cheating every bit as badly as this new woman who he cheated with.  Unless you aren't even inviting your DAD on this basis, that argument holds no weight. </div><div>
</div><div>I am really sorry that this happened to you. It completely sucks. But you need to move on. Invite your father and his new significant other. Enough time has gone by that there's really no excuse not to.   </div><div>
</div><div>I could understand if this all came out within the last few months or so and everything was still completely raw, but at this point not inviting her would be ridiculous. </div><div>
</div><div>Seat her and your dad separately from your mom.  Your mom is presumably an adult and will deal with this graciously.   

</div>

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:b61cc72a-373c-40ad-906c-a4ea4869085c">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, please tell me you didn't invite people to your ceremony only. Please. <a href="http://davidandchristinaswedding.blogspot.com/2012/08/no-pastorbut-we-have-music.html" rel="nofollow">http://davidandchristinaswedding.blogspot.com/2012/08/no-pastorbut-we-have-music.html</a> ps: pleeeeease send back your RSVP cards!   The deadline is September 28 and I've only recieved about 1/4 of the cards.   If you have not recieved a formal inviation and RSVP card, you are invited to the wedding a CEREMONY guest only.  It doens't mean we aren't friends...it just means that we have chosen to have a small reception with just our family and wedding party. 
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Dude.  Your dad and his mistress are, like, the least of your problems if this is true. </div><div>
</div><div>Wow. </div>

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_parents-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ab6654d0-02af-4346-b3b7-585dba35713ePost:a80161d8-7454-48e0-bc58-53b63ba844a0">Re: parents bringing 'dates'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: parents bringing 'dates' : Dude.  Your dad and his mistress are, like, the least of your problems if this is true.  Wow. 
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
Did you read her thread on Christian Weddings? <div>ITA with you. She's got much bigger fish to fry.</div>