Need advice please

candychick

So my plan is for a small, intimate ceremony with our closest family and friends. Invitations are sent and the ball is rolling. However, my FI has had multiple people tell him they would like an invitation. My plan is to have a post wedding party at our home two weeks after the actual date, where everyone will be invited. How should I approach this without being rude, I feel as if people are trying to invite themselves to my wedding, a wedding that is on a tight budget. The wedding is in August, should I go ahead and create invites for the post wedding party so people are aware that they will have the opportunity to celebrate with us even though it is not at the actual wedding? I am just trying to find a way to reduce hurt feelings and not come off as rude.

candychick

I kind of thought it was rude also, if I know someone is getting married I wait to see if I get an invite...and most of the people are not even close to us, so why would they get an invite?

I've actually budgeted for the party...but with the wedding for every extra person I have to have an extra chair, more table space, extra food, extra booze etc...

thanks for the advice!!

KatyRoseM

Just don't call it a reception, and I wouldn't wear your dress to the after party. 

candychick

the after party is going to be a fun relaxed, bbq type event...my wedding is out of town, about 150 miles from where we live, therefore I chose a smaller venue because most people are not going to want to drive that far  and since the wedding is in the evening it requires an overnight stay and that can be a little spendy in resort town. So I thought it would be nice to have something later so those who were not invited to the actual wedding wouldn't feel like they are not an important part of our lives

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abd31fb6-2a90-4baa-bd3c-707402631ccbPost:b2462817-7341-4b18-8209-f14da2c73aef">Re: Need advice please</a>:
[QUOTE]the after party is going to be a fun relaxed, bbq type event...my wedding is out of town, about 150 miles from where we live, therefore I chose a smaller venue because most people are not going to want to drive that far  and since the wedding is in the evening it requires an overnight stay and that can be a little spendy in resort town. S<strong>o I thought it would be nice to have something later so those who were not invited to the actual wedding wouldn't feel like they are not an important part of our lives</strong>
Posted by candychick[/QUOTE]

Well do you see how this might look like "you are important enough to bring us gift, but NOT really all that important to actually come to our wedding." Just tell them you are sorry but you are just having a small intimate wedding, if they do not understand they are the ones being rude, not you.

HockeyFan4

if you want to have a bbq ...have it a month or so after the wedding as your first house party together....don't make mention of the wedding on invites or to guests....just having a nice bbq together.

candychick

I will take that into consideration, even though it will not be our first house party together since we have been together for ten years and have a child together...
Can't wait too long to have it cause the weather in September in Idaho can be a little unpredictable and could turn cold fast...

Just trying to find an alternative for those who don't understand what a small, intimate ceremony means...I'm just the type that tries to make everyone feel happy and accomidated while trying to meet my own wants and needs at the same time.

HockeyFan4

it doesn't have to be your "first party" i just mean it would be your first as a married couple.....

just invite people to a bbq....as a bbq.

candychick

so end of summer bbq (wasn't going to ask for gifts) and invite whoever, don't worry about hurting peoples feelings and just tell them it's a small intimate ceremony...check

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abd31fb6-2a90-4baa-bd3c-707402631ccbPost:c4145564-a99d-44b0-8768-d09ef1f6c15e">Re: Need advice please</a>:
[QUOTE]I will take that into consideration, even though it will not be our first house party together since we have been together for ten years and have a child together... Can't wait too long to have it cause the weather in September in Idaho can be a little unpredictable and could turn cold fast... Just trying to find an alternative for those who don't understand what a small, intimate ceremony means...I<strong>'m just the type that tries to make everyone feel happy and accomidated while trying to meet my own wants and needs at the same time.</strong>
Posted by candychick[/QUOTE]


You just have to stop that :) You will never be able to please everyone, everyone will always have a different opinion. You are just causing yourself more stress by worrying about uninvited guests.

candychick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:abd31fb6-2a90-4baa-bd3c-707402631ccbPost:ef5ddc2d-2fbf-4ae7-9da7-cc742c6be637">Re: Need advice please</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Need advice please : You just have to stop that :) You will never be able to please everyone, everyone will always have a different opinion. You are just causing yourself more stress by worrying about uninvited guests.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

I know, right? I'm such a freak about stuff like that...my new mantra will have to be, "you can't please everyone!!"
thanks for the advice <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

DramaGeek

Yup, host it as an end of summer BBQ or a back to school BBQ or a welcome fall BBQ, but don't tie it to the wedding and don't do wedding events at the BBQ.  Guests may choose on their own to bring you a card or congratulate you, and that's fine.