Help telling dad and step dad they're NOT walking me down the aisle.

night bird

A little history... My parents split up when I was 3-4 yrs old. My mom remarried when I was 6 and my step dad has been the one who was there for me, coaching soccer attending concert recitals etc. My bio dad I'd see for a week over the summer and the ocasional phone call... My step dad and my bio dad don't get along so well. They're civil but very stand-offish around each other.

So now my problem is this. I don't want either of them to walk me down the aisle mainly because I can't choose one without hurting the other and having them both do it is just a recipe for disaster. (I don't want to have to play peace maker between them on my wedding day!) But both of my dads think that they and they alone are going to be the one to walk me down the aisle. My step dad told my FI he can't wait and my bio dad just recently left me a voicemail saying the same thing. I thought that if I never asked either of them this wouldn't be a problem, but apparently I was wrong.

How do I nicely tell them both that NO! they're not going to be walking with me?

Peledreamsofrain

Um..... can't you just have them both walk you down together?  Or one halfway, then the other finishes the walk?

I know you said they are stand-offish, but walking down the aisle doesn't include any talking, so..... meh.  It's not like it's each other they have to hug at the end.

StephJean83

My sister's. SIL had her stepdad walk her to the start of the aisle and her bio dad walk her the rest of the way. Could you do something similar to avoid hurt feelings? Could you ask your mom to walk you and tell the dads your mom is doing it solo?

Pookieson

I'd have them both walk you or have one walk you half way and the other the other half.  They are grown men.  I doubt anyone is going to throw a fit on your wedding day.  However, if you prefer to walk alone, do so.  Just tell them you'd like to walk alone and maybe they can both meet you at the end???

MuppetOverlord

I think it's worth a call to both of them explaining that they both mean so much to you that you want both of them to walk you down the aisle together. You know they don't get along, but perhaps because this day is so meaningful to all of you, they can set aside their differences for your happiness.

I don't see how you could tell them you're not going to have either...and If you love them both, I only see walking yourself down the aisle being a loss to you also. 

I bet out of love for you, they'll do fine.  

rachelm13

I am walking solo. It wasn't an easy conversation, but it wasn't a fight either. I think if you are committed to walking solo, you have a calm conversation saying that it is your preference to walk by yourself. If you are opting to walk solo just bc of the situation but it I's what you truly want then I agree with PP you can have them split the duty.

lindseymon

I am walking solo and used your same strategy - I just haven't brought it up with my dad and he fortunately hasn't said anything about it. I totally get why you would prefer to walk by yourself. If I was in your shoes I would call each one to discuss it; it won't be a fun conversation but it's your decision. I would just say that I wasn't comfortable picking just one of them because they both played roles in my life but marriage is something I am doing on my own as a grown up, so I am walking down the aisle alone to symbolize that. Finish it off with something sweet and stick to your guns.

Another suggestion would be to maybe have your mom walk you down?

LindsayP101

I worried about telling my Dad that I want both him and my step-dad to walk me down the aisle...he took the news okay and after a couple of days said "it's your day...so if it will make you happy - it makes me happy." More to the point...he would rather share the duties of walking me down the aisle then not having the opportunity at all.

It's your wedding day - that dad's aren't going to get into it as they walk you down the aisle...they will both be happy that you wanted them to be a part of your special day. If the only reason you aren't asking them to do it is because you think it will be awkward - do not let this stop you - you may regret it later. If you really want to walk down the aisle by youself and the awkwardness of your dad's has nothing to do with it - then you have to tell them that. Or I like PP suggestions in having your mom walk you down the aisle.

Also - to make sure they feel special and get that one on one time with you - give them both their own father-daughter dance - don't split up one song. It will take longer...but it will mean more to them to have their own song and dance and not have to be interrupted by a "may I cut in?" 

Ella and Pedro

I feel that I can relate to your situation. Mine is similar, although not the same.

My fiance and are are both very feminist minded individuals, and we both felt (before discussing it, actually) that the 'giving away' (which a walk with you down the aisle imples) was not for us.  Instead, we are walking together down the aisle, and when the officiant says "who gives this man and this woman into matrimony?" we are both responding (in unison) "We give ourselves."  This also comes out of the fact that on our wedding day I will have just turned 40 and my fiance will be in his mid-40s, so we certainly have been, and felt ourselves to be, ndependent, for many years.

Perhaps this option is open to you?

Good luck!

Ella