Wedding Etiquette Forum

Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?

We planned on getting our parents photo albums after the wedding. Our photos just came in & it's time to start looking at albums. Do you get both the bride's & groom's parents the same thing? We split financial responsibilities along a very traditional line, with my parents taking on the wedding expenses and the groom's parents taking the rehearsal. Since the financial obligations are so heavy on the bride's parents in a traditional setup, should they receive a larger/more complete album and get the groom's parents a smaller version of the same thing? Or do you get both the same album? Even duplicate albums are pricey, so we're talking a difference of a couple hundred dollars depending on specs.

Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?

  • They are both equally your parents and therefore would equally love (and deserve!) an album. Finances should have no part in it.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I guess I always thought the parent gifts were a thank you for being your parents not for hosting the wedding (ladies who paid for their whole wedding, did you still give parent gifts?) so I would give them a gift you think they'd like regardless of worrying about equality of cost.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-gifts-equal-brides-grooms-sides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac8bad95-b5b8-44a9-9e51-d93453366a85Post:e030800e-fecb-4d2e-8c03-2350c882932d">Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I always thought <strong>the parent gifts were a thank you for being your parents </strong>not for hosting the wedding (ladies who paid for their whole wedding, did you still give parent gifts?) so I would give them a gift you think they'd like regardless of worrying about equality of cost.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>This</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-gifts-equal-brides-grooms-sides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac8bad95-b5b8-44a9-9e51-d93453366a85Post:46f65a7e-425b-4246-9e9d-e5ddbe0016ec">Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides? : This
    Posted by Milsey32[/QUOTE]

    Agree
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    There's no rule.  If you want to give your parents bigger gifts because they spent more, go ahead.  If you want to give both sides equal gifts because they both raised you to adulthood, go ahead.  I recommend that you and your FI decide what is best in your situation and go with that.
  • In our case we are giving albums to each my parents, fi's mom & stepdad, and fi's dad. We are also doing an extra something special for the parents that financially contributed as a thank you for that, but we are presenting them in private. Fi's dad didn't contribute financially at all, and as a matter of fact, we are paying for his trip to Hawaii for the wedding. We're still giving him a parent gift, but like I said before, we are going above and beyond for the other parents.

    I got a custom ring made for my mom and a match for me as a mother-daughter bond gift thing for us to wear as right hand rings. I'm working on getting a pendant that matches the rings for FI's mom as a symbol to her to welcome her into the girl club :P We're also paying for a golf outing for FI's stepdad and my dad the morning of the wedding in Hawaii. It's pretty pricey and it's something they both wanted to do anyway. FI is spending the morning of the wedding with his dad and brother, I'm spending the morning with my mom & FMIL, so that way my dad and his stepdad have something to do and they can get some golfing in!
  • We did the same as Breaness.

    My parents paid for a bulk of the wedding.  H's parents didn't contribute at all, and his dad was really nothing more than a guest.  We bought the same albums for my parents and MIL, but we didn't get anything for FIL.  We gave them out at the RD (his dad wasn't even there).  

    We wanted to give my parents something extra as a thank you for everything they did for our wedding, so we bought them nice gifts at Kay's; a bracelet for my mom and a money clip for my dad.  We gave those gifts to them in private. 
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  • Ours were fairly equal - we gave each set of parents a number (around 40) of photos they could pick and then designed an album for them. However, I have 2 sets of parents, so we designed 3 albums and 2 went to "my side" if you want to get technical. Each set also got a larger framed print.
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  • If the present is wedding photo albums, I think you should really order the same quality for both parents.  If the grooms parents happen to see the bride’s parents way nicer album, they will feel like crap (and they *will* see it eventually).  That doesn’t mean they have to be identical.  I do think it is cool when each album is customized (brides family has more of their family pic, same for grooms).  That way they really feel special.  If your parents are paying quite a bit more for the wedding, then you could get them something extra as an extra thank you.  But I would definitely not publicize it as you don’t want your new in laws to feel bad.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-gifts-equal-brides-grooms-sides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac8bad95-b5b8-44a9-9e51-d93453366a85Post:e030800e-fecb-4d2e-8c03-2350c882932d">Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I guess I always thought the parent gifts were a thank you for being your parents not for hosting the wedding (<strong>ladies who paid for their whole wedding, did you still give parent gifts?</strong>) so I would give them a gift you think they'd like regardless of worrying about equality of cost.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    Yes. I suppose I should clarify. The albums were their Christmas presents since our wedding was in October and we got our photos back 3 weeks later. For the wedding, I got my dad a few bottles of nice beer and beer glasses, embroidered hankerchiefs for both our moms, and a coin set from the US mint for FIL. My parents did not contribute to the wedding. My in-laws paid for our RD, which was quite generous. It wasn't fancy, but it wasn't cheap and we had a rather large list (40ish people when the wedding was 68).
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  • We did personal things for each set of parents (gifts to be given one on one). Ladies will all get the same thing and Gents will be getting a fun day out w/ Groom. So ours is not the same :)  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-gifts-equal-brides-grooms-sides?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ac8bad95-b5b8-44a9-9e51-d93453366a85Post:cc404e91-68cb-4922-ab81-b19058996770">Re: Should gifts be equal on bride's & groom's sides?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the present is wedding photo albums, I think you should really order the same quality for both parents.  If the grooms parents happen to see the bride’s parents way nicer album, they will feel like crap <strong>(and they * will * see it eventually)</strong>.   That doesn’t mean they have to be identical.   I do think it is cool when each album is customized (brides family has more of their family pic, same for grooms).   That way they really feel special.   If your parents are paying quite a bit more for the wedding, then you could get them something extra as an extra thank you.   But I would definitely not publicize it as you don’t want your new in laws to feel bad.
    Posted by noodle_oo[/QUOTE]

    <div>I really don't think that's true, unless you give them at the same time.  I can pretty much guarantee that my mom and my MIL will never be BFFs, or invite each other over for coffee.  In the odd chance that they ever did end up in the same house, I doubt the wedding album will be out.</div><div>
    </div><div>Not really any point to that, but if you did want to give a bigger album to one, i don't think it would be a big deal as long as they aren't presented together.</div>
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  • We gave my parents (who paid for the wedding) a little more than his parents, but I gave them the extra thing after the rehearsal dinner so it wasn't all together. We ended up including his parents albums (divorced, so two albums) as part of their Christmas presents, where my parents' album was just a separate gift as a much belated thank you. I also got them a nicer version than I gave his parents, mainly because I didn't know about Picaboo when I made his parents', but also because I think they will actually look at it more (or I will look at it at their house?). Plus, they helped a lot with both the paying and planning.

    So.... whatever works for you!
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