Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Allow me to complain - long

In the matter of about 3 weeks, my car broke down and was $1,300 to fix. My washer died so we bought a new one. We found a giant, rotting hole in our ceiling where a leak in the roof has caused a lot of damage. A pan was put in the ceiling to catch the water and was clearly hidden, and not disclosed to us. We tried to hold the previous home owner accountable, but she denies any knowledge of it...she's a liar, and we're stuck fixing it. Oh, and hey and Christmas is in a month. Well that's life, right?

My parents and I offered to do a small reception for a couple of my friends that recently got married but couldn't afford the wedding and reception they wanted to have. So they got married JOP, and the reception we're doing is tomorrow. The timing stinks with all my other financial burdens at the moment, but I was still excited to help them out.

My husband and I gave them part of the deposit to put down on the venue, and we have purchased things like plates, napkins, cups, etc. We've spent about $200. My parents are paying for most of the food, light/moderate hors d'oeuvres. Other friends of ours have pitched in on some of the food, decorations, etc. It's going to be nice.

I was very happy to be doing this for them...until yesterday when I found out the couple went and bought new big screen tv. I get that what they spend their money on is not my business, but it really rubs me wrong way that I have all of this stuff going on they are aware of, but I'm still busting my a$$ and spending my money, to make sure they have a special day. I would think if they had random extra money laying around, they would offer to pick up some of the expenses, but they bought a big tv instead.

Am I out of line, or are people really just oblivious to anyone but themselves these days?

Re: Allow me to complain - long

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    I;d be pissed too.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_allow-complain-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aed83922-124b-4519-823a-d8aa871f2403Post:5854d554-e9a0-4cf6-b940-ffb212f3d3f6">Allow me to complain - long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I out of line, or are people really just oblivious to anyone but themselves these days?
    Posted by jfgrad06[/QUOTE]

    I don't think you are out of line at all and I do think that some people are completely self-minded.
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    I get how irritated you would feel. Problem is it sounds like the reception was a gift to them not a loan.  I would seriously be irked as well but as you aren't loaning the money to them for the reception they can do as they please. 

    And that sucks all the issues you are having.  I would revisit the leaky roof though.  Talk to your RE agent and see what he/she says.  Because things like that should be disclosed and obivously someone put the pot up in the ceiling.  You might still be able to get her to fix it.
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    People are that oblivious.  It sucks that they would do that, but it sounds like they are probably the types with a sense of entitlement and probably because they've had a life full of people doing things for them like you guys are with the reception.  Personally, I think if they couldn't afford the reception, that should have been it.  I would never let my friend and her parents pay for my reception, not ever.  I would be so embarrassed. 
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    I'm not surprised.
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    Or they don't have random money laying around and they bought it on credit?
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    Would it bug me? Probably. But you offered to host the reception. Since you are covering that, by your own actions, why shouldn't they spend their money like they want? Would I offer to pick up some of the expenses? Yes, but not everyone would (obviously).
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_allow-complain-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aed83922-124b-4519-823a-d8aa871f2403Post:353ab9f7-1f33-41a0-927e-81cbb6e34d4f">Re: Allow me to complain - long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or they don't have random money laying around and they bought it on credit?
    Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

    A lot of a wedding reception can be paid for with credit too.
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    I get how irritated you would feel. Problem is it sounds like the reception was a gift to them not a loan

    It is a gift and I do not expect any payment from them. I wanted to do it for them. Hah, I just wasn't expecting everything around me to fall apart at the same time I was trying to help them. I'm not taking it personally, but it does kid of bother me.

    I would revisit the leaky roof though.  Talk to your RE agent and see what he/she says.

    We did. He had another agent contact the woman and she denied it. She was there for 10 years. We've been there just a couple of months. This past week wasn't the first time it had rained in 10 years, she knew the freaking roof leaked. Our options were small claims court, or file with our homeowners insurance. A lawyer, or our deductible, would be more expensive than just fixing it ourselves. Still a bummer though.
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    Maybe the money they used for the TV was a gift from someone after they had their JOP ceremony.  So maybe they felt it should be used for something like the home. 

    I agree that I would be upset, well not really upset, but more annoyed.  I doubt that you'd be AS annoyed if you didn't have so much money flying out of your pocket for things you didn't plan for. 


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    What did she put on the disclosure?  Sorry to hear that, that is really hard.  Oh, what about the home inspection?  There is usually a guarantee if they don't find major defects.  You might be able to get some money there.
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    Or they don't have random money laying around and they bought it on credit?

    I hadn't thought of this. But they have horrible credit and are trying to fix it, or so i've been told. But it wouldn't surprise me I guess.
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    I know a couple that think they have "made it" and that their house is so nice and fancy and like to brag about all they have.  EVERYTHING in their home is from rent a center.  They could have done that (and will end up paying for the TV like 3 times). 
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    I don't think you're wrong, necessarily.  Any chance, though, that they were given gift cards and used that for the TV?  In otherwords, money that they literally couldn't spend on the stuff you're spending cash on?  Just a thought. 

    What's done is done, so maybe focusing on the other possibilities would make you feel better. 

    I probably wouldn't give them a Christmas gift, though.
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    I get how irritated you would feel. Problem is it sounds like the reception was a gift to them not a loan

    Yeah, while I can understand this, I'd be pisssed too.  I won't lie about that. 
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    I'm not 100% positive it wasn't purchased with gift cards/gift money, but I will say that I highly doubt it. Their recpetion ivites had registry info on them, and that's not until tomorrow. It would seem a little early to have that much money given to you already.
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    I'd be pissed. But gifts are like that. How the recipient behaves is not in your control. It sucks, but what can you do about it? Try not to focus on the TV, and focus on the great reception you are giving them. That's easier said than done, I know.

    Do you still have the pan that was in the ceiling? Sometimes things like that are marked with a batch number or serial number of sorts, and you could trace when it was manufactured and figure out when it was put into the ceiling. I clearly watch too much CSI, but it's worth a shot!
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    Bec, I was thinkng they should take the pan in to be finger-printed.  If the former owners prints are on it...
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    Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed about the TV thing.  Some people are just clueless and/or selfish. 

    As for the ceiling/roof thing, how was that not found during the home inspection? 
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    I'm trying my best to, Bec. I still feel good about doing something nice for them, and I know that they are grateful.

    As far as missing it in the home inspection, the damage was all concealed with a nice new drop ceiling. The pan we found was sitting on top of one of the tiles. My RE said it would be easy to miss because the drop ceiling was new, and showed no signs of water damage. They didn't go looking under each and every tile, buuut I wish they would have. But remove a few of those tiles, and there's a 2 foot rotting hole. I'm still so mad about it that I want to scream everytime I see it.
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