Stuff Grandma Told Me...

ExpatPumpkin

"Why buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?"

"The prettiest girl in school sits home on Saturday nights because no one has the courage to ask her out."

And, my favorite:

"A woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man can with his pants down."

Did anyone else grow up with these "life lessons"?  Any other good ones?

JessAndTrav

I don't think that my grandparents ever really said stuff like that, but DH's grandparents do, though I can't think of any right now.

FIL does have one that he says that's actually from a song:

"If you want to be happy the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."

Of course he's kidding, but that one cracks him up every time.

thesuninherhead

"there's a first time for everything"

(aka: stay hypervigilant always because you never know what terrible thing might happen if you were allowed to go to the park by yourself/to the disco/etc etc).

 

Nowdays, I often hear stories about when she was as young as me and thinner than I am... which I highly doubt are accurate given that she had a couple of babies by the time she was my age. 

thesuninherhead

Oh, and when we were younger she'd sometimes say, "children should be seen and not heard". That's a fairly common one though, I'd imagine. 

 

I know there are more but I have the worst memory and can't recall any of them.

Kati0105

FIL does have one that he says that's actually from a song:

"If you want to be happy the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."

Of course he's kidding, but that one cracks him up every time.

My mom's favorite is "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man!"  I have no idea where she got it, and I am 99% sure she only says it in jest.  If not then sorry Mom, I've failed you.

J&K10910

Huh, that's weird.  My grandma told me that my parents were going to hell because they didn't go to church and I'd never see them again because I'd go to Heaven, and they'd be in Hell.  I want cool life lessons.  I was ripped off.

lpstl

Funniest and most disturbing conversation I've ever had with my grandparents:

Grandma: Now the way you get a boy to marry you is you just pay no attention to him,  pretend like you don't care

(she's said this more time than I can count, one day, I decided to confirm her theory)

Me: Grandpa, is that why you married grandma so quickly?

Grandpa: Hell no, I married her because she wouldn't give me no sex!

Grandma: (laughing) That's the truth.

Yup, more than I cared to know...

ExpatPumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stuff-grandma-told?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeed5688-b4ec-4807-a1a7-f08907ed847bPost:cd207cd7-d46c-4946-b837-cbd4688194e3">Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]"it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is a poor man!"  
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, I got that one, too!  But was always, "It's just as easy to fall in love with a doctor/lawyer/businessman as a gas station attendant."  </div>

ring_pop

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stuff-grandma-told?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeed5688-b4ec-4807-a1a7-f08907ed847bPost:a963aeb8-bcf1-4bca-b59d-ec813230e66e">Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think that my grandparents ever really said stuff like that, but DH's grandparents do, though I can't think of any right now. FIL does have one that he says that's actually from a song: <strong>"If you want to be happy the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife."</strong> Of course he's kidding, but that one cracks him up every time.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]
Awesome. H likes to sing this song with a Jamaican accent.

thesuninherhead

Haha lpstl, that is classic (albeit disturbingly so!).

MandaBelle1211

My Grandma always used to say, jokingly of course, "Marry for money and love will come."

bbyckes

Not my grandma, but my aunt used to tell all the girls to keep their "pocketbook" closed.  Uh huh, she called "it" a pocketbook.

smokeybailey

My mom likes to say, "if it was up your ass you'd know."  As in, "I don't know where my purse is!"  Then she'd pipe up.

She said that one time when I was on the phone with her at work (probably almost 10 years ago) and everyone still says it.  It's not very wise or anything but it's always funny.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stuff-grandma-told?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeed5688-b4ec-4807-a1a7-f08907ed847bPost:4527f5df-6357-49e2-b6e0-c71a4a079ecf">Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]Not my grandma, but my aunt used to tell all the girls to keep their "pocketbook" closed.  Uh huh, she called "it" a pocketbook.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

My grandma used words like that. Also slacks and dungarees. Never pants or jeans. She would also say, "Dear, your shoelace is open."

EDIT: Oh wait. I just realized what your aunt was referring to. Yikes.

My mom has a TON she got from her mother (who died when I was 3). They're actually rather annoying. Including the rich man/poor man one Kati mentioned!

kate51485

My grandma calls underwear "shorts".  It always made me laugh.

laurenclaire1386

My grandparents call underwear "drawers." Not quite sure I've ever heard anyone else do this, actually.

kmurr010

My Great Grandmother (Nannie) would always say "Suga, Beauty is only skin deep. But ugly?! That's to the bone." I loved that southern lady more than anything.

My Grandmother used to say, "Pretty in the cradle, ugly at the table. Ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table." Meaning cute babies don't stay cute and ugly babies get pretty as adults. But when asked which one I fit, she said the rule didn't apply to me. She's a crazy lady but I love her sayings. She's convinced to this day that my full name is Kellie Jean. which it isn't. she spells Kelly wrong and thats sooo not my middle name. love her to pieces though!

bbyckes

Older people in my family would pronounce "drawers", "drawls". 

luckyme502

I love my grandma!  She is awesome.  She has always told me to live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment.  She told me that she reached about 20 she never felt any older on the inside, she looks in the mirror and wonders who the old lady is. 

The she has always told me is not to take yourself so seriously, have fun and remember to laugh at yourself cause you'll do some pretty funny things!

FutureMrsTR

My grandmother didn't really have sayings, but she was constantly on me about brushing my hair, even when I had it cut in a short, tousled look she was constantly chasing me with a comb

She also couldn't believe any woman ever left the house for ANY reason without lipstick on.

Aw, I miss my grandma.  I randomly had a dream a few weeks ago that she called me from heaven and I was telling her all about FI and our wedding.  It was nice hearing her voice again.

jasmineh7777

My Grandma won't say "crotch." She says "crouch."
 I have a notebook full of our conversations. Not a word of wisdom, but a great quote. "I was born, and then they put me in the oven."
(They did this during the Despression to keep newborns warm, not cook them for dinner.)

Morfudd

Mom: "A material loss is a spiritual gain."
Gramma: "That's bullsh!t, Frannie."

jasmineh7777

Also, whenever anyone gets hurt she says, "Offer it up for your sins."

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stuff-grandma-told?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeed5688-b4ec-4807-a1a7-f08907ed847bPost:3cc7eef7-75be-40e1-b877-99aa60c92ca4">Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]My grandmother didn't really have sayings, but she was constantly on me about brushing my hair, even when I had it cut in a short, tousled look she was constantly chasing me with a comb :) She also couldn't believe any woman ever left the house for ANY reason without lipstick on. Aw, I miss my grandma.  I randomly had a dream a few weeks ago that she called me from heaven and I was telling her all about FI and our wedding.  It was nice hearing her voice again.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Aw, our grandmas sound alike. When my grandmother was leaving her house for the last time to go to <em>hospice </em>she had to run back inside because she forgot her lipstick.

My mom keeps going on and on about how she's so sad that neither of my grandmothers are here for my wedding (none of my grandparents are still living). She's making me cry, I tell ya.

kd.joseph

My Grandmother was not a nice person, so we didnt see her much.But one thing she always said: You marry the first time for love; the second time for a father for your children.
God rest her lovely  soul.

banana468

I asked my grandmother once if she ever wanted to divorce Grandpa.  Her response, "Oh no!  I thought about killing him a TON of times but never about divorcing him."

Ten years ago we were in the car and starts in on circumcisions.  "I don't know why they're so common now.  You know my HUSBAND WASN'T CIRCUMCISED."

Thanks for giving me the mental image of my grandfather naked!  God rest his soul.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_stuff-grandma-told?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aeed5688-b4ec-4807-a1a7-f08907ed847bPost:1d0e6580-8327-490e-a29d-1d2dcf9c1101">Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Stuff Grandma Told Me... : Aw, our grandmas sound alike. When my grandmother was leaving her house for the last time to go to hospice she had to run back inside because she forgot her lipstick.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep, yep.  When they moved my grandmother into the hospice area of the hospital (after a long struggle with ovarian cancer) she said, "Is this going to take long?"  haha.  Bless her heart, she was a woman of faith and she was <em>ready to go.</em></div>

SarahPLiz

Yeah, my mema bitched out a nurse at the nursing home for reviving her once.

I don't remember any sayings she said, but my uncle used to always tell us stories about "when I was a little girl"..

PsyDet 2155

My one Grandma always advised me to wash my face after waking up and before going to bed.  It's worked well so far

I can't really think of any advice in particular that my other Grandma says, but she always ends phone conversations with "bye now!" and I think it's the cutest thing ever.  When we visit her, she will watch us leave with the door open and wave to us as we're driving away...precious.

JHS16

My grandmother had 7 grandchildren, and when each and every one of us graduated high school, she gave us all a speech about how bad drugs were and to stay away from them.  As a result, I'm pretty sure most of us never even tried pot!   She was ok with wine though, she loved her afternoon merlot  

pezjunkie2001

My grandma used to stand at the door of her house as we were driving away and wave till we turned the corner. We would shout out the wind "We're still waving".

my mom on the other had likes the phrases
"Lifes a Bitch and then you die"
and "I'm the mom. That's why"