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Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?

I feel kind of weird about receiving so many gifts, with shower and wedding gifts. Ack. Plus, I know a lot of my friends will feel anxious and not know what to get, and I don't want them to feel pressured.
I was thinking that I would ask that shower guests make a charitable donation of however much they feel comfortable giving instead of buying a gift. Is it okay for me to provide a list of specific charities and ask them to donate to ones on the list? I feel uncomfortable having donations made to religious organizations when my fiance and I are not religious and are having a secular ceremony, and I would appreciate that they make donations to causes that are near to our hearts.

Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?

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    I would be seriously turned off by this. People want to get you a gift as a gesture of goodwill toward you and your FI. If they want to donate to charity, they'll do it on their own.
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    edited February 2010
    You absolutely do not need to have a shower in any way.

    Problem solved.
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    I agree with Meaghan, don't have a shower.
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    If you don't want gifts, why don't you just not have a shower?  I don't consider charitable donations to be gifts, so I would not want to do that.
    Married 10/2/10
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    You could take any cash you get and donate it instead.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charitable-donations-lieu-of-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af92ad94-ba11-49b2-a692-1e34cea48660Post:cc30bef3-2880-4243-bba9-e3d79868bad0">Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel kind of weird about receiving so many gifts, with shower and wedding gifts. Ack. Plus, I know a lot of my friends will feel anxious and not know what to get, and I don't want them to feel pressured. I was thinking that I would ask that shower guests make a charitable donation of however much they feel comfortable giving instead of buying a gift. Is it okay for me to provide a list of specific charities and ask them to donate to ones on the list? I feel uncomfortable having donations made to religious organizations when my fiance and I are not religious and are having a secular ceremony, and I would appreciate that they make donations to causes that are near to our hearts.
    Posted by sinkcat[/QUOTE]

    I understand where you're coming from on the whole gift thing. Receiving wedding gifts makes me uncomfortable as well.

    However, the charitable donation thing is a minefield in its own right...it can come of as self-righteous or odd to ask guests to donate somewhere. Some folks on here have been able to set something up that's classy & successful, but I think a lot of times this comes off as tacky.

    I'd recommend just skipping the shower--you can have a luncheon with some girlfriends if you want to celebrate in advance of the wedding, and just specify that it's not a gift giving event. And for the wedding, just accept that folks will give you gifts...registering for inexpensive items can help send a message to guests that you're not expecting pricey stuff. Good luck!
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    Don't have a shower.

    Don't ask for charitable donations.
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    I don't think that's a good idea, but I think you have good intentions.  How about just declining any showers?  If people insist, then have a luncheon or cocktail get-together and don't call it a shower.  That will cut down on the number of gifts you get. 
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    I would prefer to not have a shower, but my aunt (who is pretty much the only family I've got) really wants to host one, and it seems to be a big deal for her. She has the best intentions, but it's kind of putting more pressure on me.
    I guess I can maybe try to convince her to just host a dinner type thing, and forgo gifts altogether.
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    You can also keep the guest list really small for the shower. Or there may be some kind of theme shower you can do where the gifts are by their nature low-key and inexpensive. I did a lingerie shower (not for everyone) but I liked it b/c folks can get you a $10 gift (or a more expensive one obviously) and still be true to the spirit of the event.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charitable-donations-lieu-of-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af92ad94-ba11-49b2-a692-1e34cea48660Post:a831e44e-f722-4c38-a2ea-72f1514d3ebb">Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would prefer to not have a shower, but my aunt (who is pretty much the only family I've got) really wants to host one, and it seems to be a big deal for her. She has the best intentions, but it's kind of putting more pressure on me. I guess I can maybe try to convince her to just host a dinner type thing, and forgo gifts altogether.
    Posted by sinkcat[/QUOTE]

    The issue is then how should you deal with your aunt.  Have you told her that you appreciate it, but that it's not your style?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charitable-donations-lieu-of-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af92ad94-ba11-49b2-a692-1e34cea48660Post:6df337ad-c788-4d4e-89cc-0dca6dfb801d">Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Y I did a lingerie shower (not for everyone) but I liked it b/c folks can get you a $10 gift (or a more expensive one obviously) and still be true to the spirit of the event.
    Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

    That sounds like a good alternative to me.

    I could go on for days about the donating to charity thing. ugh!
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    Ask your aunt if she would just host a luncheon or dinner, and not a shower.  Let her know you don't want gifts.
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    If I were invited to a shower that asked me to donate money instead of buy a gift I would:

    1. Decline the shower invite, and probably the wedding too.
    2.  Attend but buy a completely ridiculous and useless gift.

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    decline any offers for a shower if you feel uncomfortable.
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    If you don't want shower gifts, don't have a shower.  Feel free to have a bridal luncheon or tea, with no gifts involved, but you should be prepared for some people to bring gifts.  They will.  It just happens.  But - do NOT do a charity shower.  Yuck.
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    <div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charitable-donations-lieu-of-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af92ad94-ba11-49b2-a692-1e34cea48660Post:3cdc4fb2-75ce-4b88-9aef-b80f858ec4ce">Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ask your aunt if she would just host a luncheon or dinner, and not a shower.  Let her know you don't want gifts.
    Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

    Agreed.  Everyone has their own personal charities that they donate to and don't want to be told who to give to.  Offer donations in lieu of favors at your reception if you feel passionate about one charity in particular.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_charitable-donations-lieu-of-shower-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af92ad94-ba11-49b2-a692-1e34cea48660Post:68396de7-d107-4baa-b4ec-8af4ffe7768a">Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charitable donations in lieu of shower gifts? : Agreed.  Everyone has their own personal charities that they donate to and don't want to be told who to give to.  Offer donations in lieu of favors at your reception if you feel passionate about one charity in particular.
    Posted by CCBelle[/QUOTE]


    Even this is controversial.  If you want to donate, donate.  Your wedding does not have to be an excuse to donate to a charity
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    As a guest, I would be a lot more uncomfortable donating to a charity than just buying you a gift.  Are you going to register for the wedding?  If you register, people will buy off the registry and they won't stress over what to get you.

    I think if you don't want gifts, don't have a shower.  If you have a shower, just be gracious and appreciative of the gifts you receive, but don't ask people to do charity donations instead.  It's a good intention but kind of off-putting.
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    I agree, just don't have a shower. People will want to give you gifts if you have a shower and might be a little offended if you ask them to make a donation. I hate it when I feel like I'm being forced to make a donation.
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