BIg ceremony, Small reception

squeakyduck

I see so many boards with people wondering about a reception only invite. Does anyone have any ideas about the opposite problem? I have a church that seats 400, but I'm not a party person and I'd like a small reception at my grandparent's house. Can I invite people to the ceremony only? I would love to extend an open invitation to my congregation to attend the ceremony (The building is big, but our congregation is small, and the wedding will likely be on a sunday) I would also love to be able to fill up this church, but financially I cannot have a reception for 400 people. 

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:6accdf79-c51f-4906-9eb1-c2fc68ac6f81">BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I see so many boards with people wondering about a reception only invite. Does anyone have any ideas about the opposite problem? I have a church that seats 400, but I'm not a party person and I'd like a small reception at my grandparent's house.<u><strong> Can I invite people to the ceremony only? </strong></u>I would love to extend an open invitation to my congregation to attend the ceremony (The building is big, but our congregation is small, and the wedding will likely be on a sunday) I would also love to be able to fill up this church, but financially I cannot have a reception for 400 people. 
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

Absolutely not.

The reception is your thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony.

riverjib

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:6accdf79-c51f-4906-9eb1-c2fc68ac6f81">BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I see so many boards with people wondering about a reception only invite. Does anyone have any ideas about the opposite problem? I have a church that seats 400, but I'm not a party person and I'd like a small reception at my grandparent's house. Can I invite people to the ceremony only? I would love to extend an open invitation to my congregation to attend the ceremony (The building is big, but our congregation is small, and the wedding will likely be on a sunday) I would also love to be able to fill up this church, but financially I cannot have a reception for 400 people. 
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

Are you JOKING??? It's offensive enough to invite people only to the reception and not to the ceremony, but you're actually considering asking people to go out of their way to get to the church and not actually celebrate your wedding?!?

I'm not usually snarky, but this is truly obnoxious. NO, you CANNOT invite people to the ceremony and exclude them from the reception. I can practically guarantee that you're in a better financial situation than we are, and you're not even citing financial reasons for this, so I can't help but jump down your throat. What on earth makes you think it's okay to even ASK this question??? Get over yourself!!!

ggmae

Inviting guests to the ceremony but not to the reception is very rude.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:86d51a73-ff77-42c7-ab46-1b7ce2384e6d">Re: BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BIg ceremony, Small reception : Absolutely not. The reception is your thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

This. You can't thank some guests for coming, and not others. Plan to include as many people as you can afford, and include them in both ceremony and reception.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:6accdf79-c51f-4906-9eb1-c2fc68ac6f81">BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I see so many boards with people wondering about a reception only invite. Does anyone have any ideas about the opposite problem? I have a church that seats 400, but I'm not a party person and I'd like a small reception at my grandparent's house. Can I invite people to the ceremony only? I would love to extend an open invitation to my congregation to attend the ceremony (The building is big, but our congregation is small, and the wedding will likely be on a sunday)<font color="#800000"><strong> I would also love to be able to fill up this church</strong></font>, but financially I cannot have a reception for 400 people. 
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]


If your goal is to fill up a church, perhaps you should choose a smaller church

Mrs.B6302007

Big no.

skippylouwho

Actually in some areas this would be considered normal. Congregations are invited to witness marriage ceremonies of members of the church but they do so with the understanding that the reception is invitation only.    You don't see this as often any more but it was very common in many denominations, the wedding service is seen as a religious service of the church just as a worship service is.  Typically for those weddings an announcement would be placed in the church newsletter mailed to members homes or in the bulletins handed out for each church service a couple of weeks before the wedding. The announcement would say something like "the congregation is invited to witness the marriage ceremony of x and x on x at x.  The reception is by invitation only.

No one was offended by this.  I think when you are talking about a congregation of a church the rules for - "can't invite to wedding if you don't invite to reception" may be a bit different. 

I would suggest talking to the pastor of the church and find out what is considered normal and acceptable there.   If this has been done often in the past, then the congregation won't think anything of it. If it's not been done in the past, then it would probably not only confuse members but could very well offend them because they weren't also invited to the reception.

WildRumpus

Skippylou, normal in your area =/= socially acceptable

samurai21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:6accdf79-c51f-4906-9eb1-c2fc68ac6f81">BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I see so many boards with people wondering about a reception only invite. Does anyone have any ideas about the opposite problem? I have a church that seats 400, but I'm not a party person and I'd like a small reception at my grandparent's house. Can I invite people to the ceremony only? <strong>I would love to extend an open invitation to my congregation to attend the ceremony</strong> (The building is big, but our congregation is small, and the wedding will likely be on a sunday) I would also love to be able to fill up this church, but financially I cannot have a reception for 400 people. 
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]

I think that if this is the norm for your church and your congregation, that it's ok. I know in our church an open invitation is often extended to the congregation with the understanding that they are not invited to the reception. If it's not normal for your area/church and you're just trying to fill up the seats for the look of it then no, that's rude.

luckyme502

It is rude to invite people to the ceremony and not the reception. 

sgervais88

NOO.

My mom and I were (among others) invited to only a ceremony and not the immediately following reception. We were pissed. We weren't thanked for attending, didn't get to even speak to the bride and groom, but still brought them a $45 gift.

We didn't know we weren't invited to the reception too until like a week before the wedding. Sigh.

wcvsb3b5

Why do you have a goal to filll the church?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's rude not to host people who do you the favor of witnessing your wedding ceremony. So no. Either have a big punch and cake reception at the church for everyone (and maybe an after party later on) or scale down the guest list so you can have a "traditional" reception for everyone.

LeahKathleen

I don't get the fuss, here. Couples in my church (I am pentecostal) have extended open invitations to the church body to attend the ceremony (in the same town, no travel required) but not the reception. No one that I spoke to regarded it as a problem at all. If the reception is a couple of hours later, that is absolutely fine. LIke has been mentioned, it is perfectly acceptable in many denominations and areas. I say go for it. If you're still uneasy, ask your pastor what would be appropriate.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:2b72156d-5139-4279-b21a-8f8a563f7a68">Re: BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't get the fuss, here. Couples in my church (I am pentecostal) have extended open invitations to the church body to attend the ceremony (in the same town, no travel required) but not the reception. No one that I spoke to regarded it as a problem at all. If the reception is a couple of hours later, that is absolutely fine. LIke has been mentioned, it is perfectly acceptable in many denominations and areas. I say go for it. If you're still uneasy, ask your pastor what would be appropriate.
Posted by LeahKathleen[/QUOTE]

Um just because people are rude and do something a certain way doesn't make it right or polite.  Inviting people to simply witness the wedding and then not to the reception in any way shape or form is rude.  It doesn't matter if others in the congregation "do it" or whatever, it's rude and socially unacceptable.  Plenty of people don't write thank you notes after receiving gifts.....just because this is true doesn't make the act any less rude. 

Also, what is with wanting to fill up the church?? Who cares if it's filled.....isn't a wedding supposed to be about making a commitment to the one person you love and celebrating with your loved ones (not a 400 person congregation that you may or may not know)??

saxy414

Like PPs have said--ok in your area does not make it right.  If this is something that has been done in your church before, there will certainly be people who don't have a problem with it, and will gladly attend just the ceremony.  But, if you go ahead with the open invitation, know that there WILL be people who are offended.  I'd much rather error on the side of ettiquette and know I did my best not to offend, than to do something that ran the risk of offending many people (even though my "group" was ok with it).  

Sarah&Nick0530

I agree with the PPs...even if it is "acceptable" in your area, it's rude to not include the people witnessing your ceremony in the after party!  If you can afford an all-out reception, why not a punch and cake one at the church (assuming there's a hall or gym or something that could hold your guests)?  You can still have an intimate dinner afterwards at your grandparents without offending anyone who'd want to congratulate you and celebrate with you at the reception.  HTH 

eastunder1

Gee, can people come to your ceremony so you can fill up your church AND buy you a gift but then go straight home afterwards?  Can they really?  Because I bet youre sooooo important to everyone you know that people will be DYING to do that.  Who wants to go to a party anyways?  Everyone knows that the ceremony is the really fun part of the one-two combo.   People kill me. 

squeakyduck

Riverjib, I did cite financial reasons. You don't have the faintest idea what my budget is. It is also none of your business and I will thank you for not making snide comments about it. 

 jajph1974, I don't necessarily want to fill the church, but I would like to be able to invite anyone who wants to come. I have attended this church my entire life and my parents were married there. I have always wanted to get married at my church and it’s a big building.

 I'm not asking that they buy me a gift. Weddings aren't about presents. To me, a wedding is a religious ceremony. It's not a party. And if someone is too going to be too bothered to come witness this important moment of my life unless I serve them a five course meal and tons of booze, then I don't think I want to see them at all, much less at my wedding. I'm thinking I might try to at least have punch and cake in the fellowship hall afterwards.

And these people at this church have seen my parents married, me baptized and confirmed and they have watched me grow up. I'm sorry that I'm so conceited as to think that they might want to come to my sunday afternoon wedding.

skippylouwho, thank you so much for actual advice.

And before jumping down my throat and calling me rude for wanting to be able to share this occasion with everyone, you might want to read your own posts. All I did was ask a question. 

 

Nebb

Youre hopeless. You were called rude because your idea IS rude, we dont say things around here for no good reason. It is rude to invite people to a ceremony and not to the reception, end of story.

JEH<3ELB

I know all about what is acceptable here isn't acceptable there deals. Where I am from there is no such thing as a sitdown dinner with wait staff. Even the most lavish weddings are buffet style.  How about this for a comprimise: Invite everyone you want to the wedding and have cake and punch in the back afterwards for about 2 hours, then invite your close family and friends to a second reception at your grandparents house. I would assume that most of the congregation is older and would like to congratulate you and your new husband but won't intend to socailze for hours on end. To save on the cake/punch reception have your baker make a smallish wedding cake with a sheet cake in the back.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-ceremony-small-reception-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:af987cfb-1cb7-40c4-b31d-028e505982cfPost:e673b261-388f-4587-9058-7255634829a3">Re: BIg ceremony, Small reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I know all about what is acceptable here isn't acceptable there deals. Where I am from there is no such thing as a sitdown dinner with wait staff. Even the most lavish weddings are buffet style.  How about this for a comprimise: Invite everyone you want to the wedding and have cake and punch in the back afterwards for about 2 hours, then invite your close family and friends to a second reception at your grandparents house. I would assume that most of the congregation is older and would like to congratulate you and your new husband but won't intend to socailze for hours on end. To save on the cake/punch reception have your baker make a smallish wedding cake with a sheet cake in the back.
Posted by JEH<3ELB[/QUOTE]

This was posted like 7MONTHS ago. They're probably already married by now!

JEH<3ELB

Oh I am so very sorry!