Uninvited Plus 1

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All right, we have a bit of a sticky situation with one of FI's friend ("John"). Before we even went to send out wedding invites, John was talking about wanting to bring a plus 1. As he wasn't already dating anyone, and we aren't giving single friends plus 1s do to space, FI told him that he would not be able to bring anyone else. He reiterated this a couple of times as it didn't seem to get through.

Flash forward a couple of weeks and we've sent out invites (addressed solely to "John Doe" not "John Doe and Guest") and low and behold, we get an RSVP sent back with a +1 scribbled in. FI called to say John had already been told we didn't have room for a plus 1, to which he said "I was sure it would all work out" So FI told him literally we are at our max for what our reception venue can hold (perhaps a couple people won't come who haven't RSVPed yet, but I'm not willing to bet on that), so John has just said he'll work with being able to bring her to the ceremony (the church is bigger and won't be full, which he knows from early conversations) and figure out the rest. He then had to go, so that was the end of the conversation for now. Now, I don't know if he's just planning on bringing her and assuming we'll be able to fit her in at the last minute, or if he's somehow going to deal with telling his "date" that she isn't invited to the reception after bringing her along, but the entire thing doesn't sit right with me. Part of me wants to figure out some way to fit her in, since I know it's not the poor girl's fault she's been invited to something by someone who wasn't able to offer an invite, but I'm also really ticked and don't want to reward John's bad behavior (thinking, even after he's been told repeatedly no, it's fine to invite someone just because he wants to...)

Any advice knotties?

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In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-plus-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b14d140b-05ae-4827-97a5-2dcb8086dca1Post:d86e0ee5-f053-4d82-9d5c-4966d31017f9">Re: Uninvited Plus 1</a>:
[QUOTE]That is really frustrating. You've done everything right and John is being really rude. I think FI just needs to talk to him once more and explain that there is no room for his plus one. However, if this girl is his girlfriend, you should accomodate her.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

He was talking about +1s before he had even ever gone out with this girl. They went out on their first date after the invites went out, as far as I know, and maybe have gone on a couple at this point. I don't know if he's referring to her as his gf or not, but he certainly wasn't referring to anyone as his gf by the time invites were in the mail.

rachelm13

If she's some random and not a gf you could always suggest that there will be other single ladies at your wedding.  I had something similar (I posted about it a few weeks ago) and my friend just said no biggie and figured there would be other singles to hit on or whatever.

Maggie0829

You FI needs to be very blunt and say "John, you cannot bring a date.  Period."  If John keeps talking about figuring it out your FI should repsond with "No.  There will be no figuring it out.  You  cannot bring a date.  If you do, there will not be a place for her."

I think it is almost time that your FI just get harsh with his friend because his friend is being very rude and inconsiderate.

Jenni8412

I think I'd be prepared to accommodate her especially if she's attained gf status, but still have FI speak to him once more. We actually had several flakey situations where we just hung on for the ride, and the missings and extras balanced out with room to spare because we had prepared for the crazies. We had invited two mutual friends with their SOs. They each RSVP'd for one, so we sat them both at the same table with other friends and acquaintances. One was not able to make it the day of, so the other one brought his gf along to the ceremony. He was uncomfortable imposing the situation on us at the reception, so they disappeared while we were doing photos. We were so disappointed that we missed out on celebration time with him :

kmmssg

I would bet my lunch that his "I'll figure it out" means he knows full well he is intending on bringing her to the reception and that is his cover.

Since they weren't dating when invitations went out I think you are well within your rights to have FI call him one more time, or, better yet, speak to him in person.  Tell him he is not invited with a guest to the wedding or the reception.  I really think this guy already has this planned out and expects you to deal with his friend when he shows up to your reception and tries to put you in an awkward position.