Travel Expenses!!

Adina Colander

My boyfriend (of a little over 1 year) is a groomsman in an out-of-state wedding and invited me as his guest.  I expect him to pay for my travel and lodging since HE invited me to HIS friend's wedding.  Am I wrong?  He expects us to split the bills 50/50.  I think it's tacky to invite someone out-of-town and then ask for half the cost.

crfische

Wow. Weird questions never quit.

I'd want to pay my own way, but I'm self-sufficient like that. If you can't afford it, you can decline. How old are you?

nda_roxybabe

Really?

BecW2be

Did you need to get permission from your mom to travel out of state with a non-family member? If not, then you are old enough to pay your own way on trips.

Nebb

I guess he just doesnt love you.

tenofcups4me

I'd assume I was paying for myself, but then again, I never expected or wanted boyfriends to pay for me for anything. The only thing I wouldn't expect to pay for would be a separate gift -- I'd assume my name would go on his gift.

crfische

If he did love her, he would have proposed by now, I think.

lyndausvi

this is one of those things I would have asked when he asked me to go.

 If I couldn't afford the trip I would have just declined.  Not a big deal.

mscutieri

This seems like a really odd question.  Such an odd question that even a lurker like me wants to know how old you are....

anna.oskar

If he won't pay for your trip, chances are he won't be spending money to get you an engagement ring any time soon.  Sorry.  Guess you won't be needing the Knot after all.

sarah0725

I'm of several minds on this one. FI and I have a deal going where if we're traveling together to do something that is all about one person, that person covers the big expenses. In other words, I bought FI's plane ticket and paid for our hotel when we went to my brother's wedding, and he paid for my plane ticket when we went on vacation with his family. I'll probably do my best to cover his expenses for the weddings we're attending for my friends over the summer. But you both have to agree to that, and I don't think there's an etiquette rule that makes one way or the other better.

FI and I are also weird in that we are in a long distance relationship, so we are used to constant travel expenses and need to have a system to keep things sane. Not everyone is like that.

nda_roxybabe

Did you really join in 2003?

RachNRich

Where Did You GO!!!!!!!!!!

Adina Colander

I guess I was wrong!  I'm actually very self sufficient and yes, I'm old enough to travel out of town without my mommy (cute).

I guess I'm just a little frustrated because this is the 4th wedding I've been to for his friends and it's getting VERY expensive, since they've all been out of town.  I barely know these people.  geez!

I'll suck it up and be a big girl.

Thanks for the reality check!  (PS- If I wasnt the mature, self confident woman that I am, I would have been very offended by some of your rude responses and retaliated with some equally rude comments.....but instead, I'll thank you all for the advice!) 

crfische

Huh. Well played, lots o' numbers.

Truly, if it was something that I wanted to go to and scott really wanted me there, as a couple, we'd figure out the best way to make it happen.

Now that we're married, it's all one pot, so it's odd for me to even think of his money and my money.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_travel-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b26b633a-3125-45a9-b45a-8d7f25b4ddb5Post:e61c0211-ae91-46d0-a9d2-3543870cf209">Re: Travel Expenses!!</a>:
[QUOTE] (PS- If I wasnt the mature, self confident woman that I am, I would have been very offended by some of your rude responses and retaliated with some equally rude comments.....but instead, I'll thank you all for the advice!) 
Posted by 926225875001914[/QUOTE]

So there!

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_travel-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b26b633a-3125-45a9-b45a-8d7f25b4ddb5Post:e61c0211-ae91-46d0-a9d2-3543870cf209">Re: Travel Expenses!!</a>:
[QUOTE]... I guess I'm just a little frustrated because this is the 4th wedding I've been to for his friends and it's getting VERY expensive, since they've all been out of town.  I barely know these people.  geez!...
Posted by 926225875001914[/QUOTE]

You don't have to go if you don't want to. There's no rule that says you have to go to a wedding with your boyfriend. If it's expensive and you can't afford it, tell him you just can't do it this time.

Nebb

Well you told us then didnt you, Miss Mature.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_travel-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b26b633a-3125-45a9-b45a-8d7f25b4ddb5Post:e61c0211-ae91-46d0-a9d2-3543870cf209">Re: Travel Expenses!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm just a little frustrated because this is the 4th wedding I've been to for his friends and it's getting VERY expensive, since they've all been out of town.  I barely know these people.
Posted by 926225875001914[/QUOTE]

OK, if FI made me go to four OOT weddings and didn't offer to help me out with it at all, I would be kind of pissed. Sounds like you guys need to figure out how to communicate with each other about money.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_travel-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b26b633a-3125-45a9-b45a-8d7f25b4ddb5Post:e61c0211-ae91-46d0-a9d2-3543870cf209">Re: Travel Expenses!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I was wrong!  I'm actually very self sufficient and yes, I'm old enough to travel out of town without my mommy (cute).<strong> I guess I'm just a little frustrated because this is the 4th wedding I've been to for his friends and it's getting VERY expensive, since they've all been out of town.</strong>  I barely know these people.  geez! I'll suck it up and be a big girl. Thanks for the reality check!  (PS- If I wasnt the mature, self confident woman that I am, I would have been very offended by some of your rude responses and retaliated with some equally rude comments.....but instead, I'll thank you all for the advice!) 
Posted by 926225875001914[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but then just don't go.

Adina Colander

Good advice, Sarah0725.  Thanks, my boyfriend and I are also long distance (although we see each other every weekend).  My way of thinking leads me to believe that if I invited him someplace (not matter how big or small the expense, I'd pay for him (and viceversa).  But I guess that's not normal.

Yes I've been a member since 2003.  I was engaged at a young age but that didnt work out.

I'm 24, to all those who want to know!

alixzafiris

I have a better question... Why are you on a wedding site?

Nebb

Baahahaha engaged at 17. Classic.

alixzafiris

Wow. I despise this new knot, just disregard my question. It said there were no responses in this thread but then poof! there they all are. Fvcking knot.

EmmaBride2B

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_travel-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b26b633a-3125-45a9-b45a-8d7f25b4ddb5Post:e61c0211-ae91-46d0-a9d2-3543870cf209">Re: Travel Expenses!!</a>:
[QUOTE](PS- If I wasnt the mature, self confident woman that I am, I would have been very offended by some of your rude responses and retaliated with some equally rude comments.....but instead, I'll thank you all for the advice!) 
Posted by 926225875001914[/QUOTE]

<div>*hair flip*</div><div>
</div><div>Anyways, I'd rather hear the rude responses. But I'm bored, so I'm biased.</div>

mscutieri

Good answer.

terbear_86

No offense, but the ways things are right now, I wouldn't want to travel out of town for a wedding of a person I did not know, or had never met,  unless I was making it a vacation with my FI, but that just could be the budget minded bride who wants to buy a house in me can't see spending money I don't have. If they are FI's (or bf's) friends, he won't be bored for one or two nights without me. But that is just my opinion.

banana468

You were engaged at 17??

Holy Moly! At 17 I only dreamed of 2nd base!

I think you need to work this out with your BF.  This isn't a wedding etiquette issue.  It's a couples issue.

BecW2be

If you were the mature, self confident woman you think you are, you could have answered the original question yourself.

Nebb

I bet he just doesnt want you to go, and thats why he isnt offering to pay. He just wants to pick up a hot bridesmaid while hes there.

pooh8402

when I was 17, I wasn't even hoping for second base. I just wanted to make out with someone. holy moly.

Emma, I was thinking of a shaking/nodding of the head with snaps in a Z. uh huh, you go on girl with your bad mature self.