Uninvited Guest PART 2

pandalebeau

The plot thickens..SO a few days ago, I wrote this:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guests-8

Short version, an uninvited guest flat out asked me if he was invited in front of a large group of people. I was not only completely baffled that he asked me, but about 4 cocktails in. In attempted to diffuse what was quickly becoming a very awkward moment I basically said "sure, you're invited."

The popular consesus was to suck it up and let him go, since technically I DID invite him. So, here I am just addressed his STD card, when some drama between him and other friends (the other friends are the only reason I even SEE this person) happened. He has since posted a long dramatic rant on Facebook stating he is no longer friends with a certain group of people and deleted several people off of FB, including me. I'm in no way involved in whatever the drama was, I'm just best friends with the offending person. I'm slightly confused because he did send me his address after all this had happened but then the same day he deleted me off of Facebook. Normally I wouldn't put so much value on FB, BUT that was really the only contact I had with this person aside from seeing him at a bar every 1-2 months and exchanging pleasantries.

He has denounced all of the mutual friends we had, and basically everyone in my wedding party and that pretty much makes any assiciation I had with this person non-existant now. Is it STILL poor ettiquette for me to not invite him with this new development? Or should I still go ahead and send him an invite?

At this point I don't care one way or another if he goes, but really want to avoid drama on my day.

Advice?

Thanks!

Peledreamsofrain

Wow... Honestly, I'd keep that drama queen as far from my wedding as possible. Good etiquette or not.

Carrie81677

You're not obligated to send this person a STD, but if you do send one, you'll need to follow through on the invitation.

Rather than make a decision now, perhaps see how his relationship with the other friends plays out between now and when you need to send invites.  If he truly has removed himself from your social circle, and all relationship ties continue to be severed, then you may not need to invite him when the time comes.

leogirl13

I wouldn't send a STD. I would wait to see how the relationships played out and then base the invitation on that.

JaxInBlue

Agree with Carrie.  STD means an invite, so I wouldn't send one now.  Give this whole thing time to cool off/blow over/resolve itself.  Make a decision about whether or not you invite him once it's time to send invites.  If he's really removed himself from the social circle,  and you are okay with the withdrawing of the invite being a final blow, so to speak, to whatever type of friendship you two had, make that decision then.  But for now just let it rest.  No one needs a STD.

MrsMack10612

Agree - do not send an STD.  STD = invitation.

Let it go and see how things go between now and invitation mailing time.

Better to still have the option of not inviting than sending an STD and be required to.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guest-part-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b37fe3d8-a8e3-4225-90e1-fc7103943a3dPost:aa339bc5-33f8-4ad6-9062-4a29acec3233">Uninvited Guest PART 2</a>:
[QUOTE]The plot thickens..SO a few days ago, I wrote this: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guests-8">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-guests-8</a> Short version, an uninvited guest flat out asked me if he was invited in front of a large group of people. I was not only completely baffled that he asked me, but about 4 cocktails in. In attempted to diffuse what was quickly becoming a very awkward moment I basically said "sure, you're invited." The popular consesus was to suck it up and let him go, since technically I DID invite him. So, here I am just addressed his STD card, when some drama between him and other friends (the other friends are the only reason I even SEE this person) happened. He has since posted a long dramatic rant on Facebook stating he is no longer friends with a certain group of people and deleted several people off of FB, including me. I'm in no way involved in whatever the drama was, I'm just best friends with the offending person. I'm slightly confused because he did send me his address after all this had happened but then the same day he deleted me off of Facebook. Normally I wouldn't put so much value on FB, BUT that was really the only contact I had with this person aside from seeing him at a bar every 1-2 months and exchanging pleasantries. He has denounced all of the mutual friends we had, and basically everyone in my wedding party and that pretty much makes any assiciation I had with this person non-existant now. Is it STILL poor ettiquette for me to not invite him with this new development? Or should I still go ahead and send him an invite? At this point I don't care one way or another if he goes, but really want to avoid drama on my day. Advice? Thanks!
Posted by pandalebeau[/QUOTE]

The whole point of etiquette is so that you're not rude to people you care about in social settings. If he is no longer a part of your social circle and you don't care if you're rude to him, then forget etiquette. But, either way, you definitely don't need to make a decision now. Don't send the STD, which still leaves the option of sending an invitation later, if you so choose.

achiduck

This is one of the few instances where I would say to skip the STD/don't invite him.

ericaandtom2012

Definitely do not send him an STD.  Decide on inviting him when you're sending your invitations in 6 months.  Not everyone needs to get an STD that gets an invitation, but anyone that receives an STD must receive an invitation. 

If there is no improvement in your relationship with him in 6 months, I think you're fine to not send him an invitation.  He'll likely have forgotten about it or won't care since he deleted you from FB.