Engagement Party

Traditionalprincess

We're trying to keep the numbers low for our engagement party as it already seems that we're spending reception type money.

Is it rude not to invite the spouses of some of our guest?

Winnertag1

It is very rude to not invite the spouse of ALL your guests. You have to invite S/O of ALL your guests. 

It is also rude to throw you're own engagement party (if thats what you're doing). Someone has to offer to throw you one. 

Simply Fated

You're throwing a party to celebrate your engagement, which you aren't supposed to be doing, btw, and you want to invite one half of couples? Do you not see the absurdity in that?

ThankfulSnail

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:cb716603-bf3d-42bc-bcf4-beab5d2ce04b">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]It is very rude to not invite the spouse of ALL your guests. You have to S/O of ALL your guests.  It is also rude to throw you're own engagement party (if thats what you're doing). Someone has to offer to throw you one. 
Posted by DileniN[/QUOTE]
All of this. If someone is in a relationship, their S/O must be invited with them. I would recommend you trim your guest list to must-haves rather than make the hurtful choice of not inviting someon's S/O.<div>
</div><div>I'm hoping that you're just giving a guest list to the host and that's why you're asking this question, but since you reference that *you* are spending this money, it appears you're trying to host your own engagement party. Unless someone offers to throw you one, don't do any planning on an engagement party, as it's rude to throw parties in your own honor.</div>

pokepoke27

Holy rude fest batman. It's never okay to not invite a SO - unless s/he's like a serial killer or something. Then they're probably in jail. 

LeiselEB

Spouses and significant others of all guests should be invited. If you need to save money, make it a cocktails and hors douevres party rather than dinner, or cut out alcohol, skip some decorations etc. I'd also consider trimming the guest list in general, rather than cutting spouses. Engagement parties don't need to include your full wedding guest list.

Summer2011Bride

Don't throw your own e-party, and if someone offers to throw one for you, definitely invite the SO's of everybody.

Traditionalprincess

If I didn't throw my own parties I would never have had a birthday party or a graduation party & I wouldn't be having a wedding. I don't care if people find that "rude". But thanks for the advice about the guest list, I guess I have to invite the spouses.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:9f30b7dc-abb0-4fd5-af18-f467dbe7faf8">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]If I didn't throw my own parties I would never have had a birthday party or a graduation party & I wouldn't be having a wedding. I don't care if people find that "rude". But thanks for the advice about the guest list, I guess I have to invite the spouses.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]



Sorry, but you are not "entitled" to an engagement party. We didn't have one. I mean, you can throw a party and invite people, but don't call it an "engagement party.". Just have a BBQ or whatever.

Also, anyone who is invited to an engagement party (or any ore-wedding party like a shower or bachelor/bachelorette party) needs to be invited to the wedding, so it pays to keep these small.....

Traditionalprincess

I will have an engagement party. I am not asking any advice on that. I'm well aware that guests of the engagement party will be invited to the wedding.

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:76cf8037-7f9f-4173-9fea-f347ebb0a4a8">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I will have an engagement party. I am not asking any advice on that. I'm well aware that guests of the engagement party will be invited to the wedding.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]



Right then, ways to save money on an engagement party:

1. Don't have one, it's not required.

2. Don't throw it yourself. Someone else hosts = someone else pays.

3. Trim your guest list.

4. Do something casual like a barbecue.


That's all the help I can offer.

Mstellah

I wouldn't worry too much about throwing your own e-party but i would def invite Guests s/o's. My fiance and I are throwing a party - basically we have a good excuse to get all of our friends together and party so we decided to go for it. It's just a casual night of drinks and apps (on us) and so far none of our guests have been disgusted or put-off by the invite.

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:9f30b7dc-abb0-4fd5-af18-f467dbe7faf8">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]If I didn't throw my own parties I would never have had a birthday party or a graduation party &<strong> I wouldn't be having a wedding</strong>. I don't care if people find that "rude". But thanks for the advice about the guest list, I guess I have to invite the spouses.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]

<div>No one said it's not okay to host your own wedding. It's actually preferable. Just don't host your own engagement party. You don't need one. </div>

Traditionalprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:8d80fd90-c18c-42f8-8984-efb2641611a9">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I would suggest that if you don't care about etiquette, the etiquette board is not a good place to ask a question about how to break the rules.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>When did I ask about how to break the rules? I asked if I had to invite all spouses. I got my answer so good day.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

Traditionalprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:f520d857-b3ee-472c-85fd-0643e0e6c53a">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : You are asking a question about how to have a party that breaks etiquette rules.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Not what I asked. Ettiquette is subjective. I could go on a thousand websites right now that would tell me that hosting my own party is perfectly fine.</div><div>
</div><div>My question was about spouses and spouses only. Now that I know that it would bother some people I will be inviting all spouses.</div><div>
</div><div>If I know that hosting my own party is acceptable in my social group then thats all that matters. I don't understand why people get riled when you don't accept <strong>un-solicited</strong> advice.</div>

banana468

The engagement party is something thrown FOR you.

This is almost as bad as throwing your own shower. 

(Please tell me that you're not doing that!)

Traditionalprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:bc5c7726-1a00-42c4-bce2-531aa80fa150">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : We are trying to help you, <strong>silly girl!</strong>  Etiquette is NOT subjective.  Look it up in Emily Post.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It is subjective and changes every year and with every social circle. you are really rude maybe you should look up Emily Post.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

HockeyFan4

What I don't understand is if you are afraid of offending people by splitting up couples, why are you not afraid about offending people by throwing your own party?  Both break etiquette rules.  

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:2a057f44-dcbb-4025-a6f8-71566336b143">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What I don't understand is if you are afraid of offending people by splitting up couples, why are you not afraid about offending people by throwing your own party?</strong>  Both break etiquette rules.  
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

This is my question. As soon as we told you it was rude to not invite SOs, you said, "Ok, I'll invite SOs then." So you obviously changed your mind on that to not be rude to your guests. So then why turn around and still be rude by hosting your own party? FWIW, I've never thrown my own birthday or graduation party either. When I was young, my parents threw my b-day parties. When I grew up, I didn't have them.

Traditionalprincess

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:2a057f44-dcbb-4025-a6f8-71566336b143">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]What I don't understand is if you are afraid of offending people by splitting up couples, why are you not afraid about offending people by throwing your own party?  Both break etiquette rules.  
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE]

<div>SImply because they are not the same to me. It makes more sense for someone to be offended that I am not inviting their spouse than it is for them to be offended that I'm buying them food, alcohol and entertainment without expecting anything in return.</div>

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:0948c36e-9696-489d-960a-8aa10608da95">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Not what I asked. Ettiquette is subjective. I could go on a thousand websites right now that would tell me that hosting my own party is perfectly fine. My question was about spouses and spouses only. Now that I know that it would bother some people I will be inviting all spouses. If I know that hosting my own party is acceptable in my social group then thats all that matters. I don't understand why people get riled when you don't accept un-solicited advice.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Oh honey. ::headpat:: Etiquette is so so not subjective. It's a set of social rules set up to ensure your guests' comfort. It's also not about what's "normal" in your social circles. Throwing a party in your own honor is RUDE. nd while you didn't ask about throwing your own engagement party, you will be told if any part of your plans are rude and go agains etiquette, because ya know, this is the etiquette board.</div><div>
</div><div>There are really only a few true etiquette sources. "Thousands of websites" will not be giving you correct advice because they WANT you to SPEND MONEY in the wedding industry in ANY way possible. And guess what? They duped you in to believing that you HAVE to have an engagement party. Congrats, you'll just be wasting more money on unnecessary things. </div><div>
</div><div>But you go ahead and be rude princess, because clearly you don't give fluck if you offend anyone. 

</div>

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:42251a3b-f22c-47a0-bed1-370ccfaa9b9b">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : SImply because they are not the same to me. It makes more sense for someone to be offended that I am not inviting their spouse than it is for them to be offended that I'm buying them food, alcohol and entertainment without expecting anything in return.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Everybody come celebrate MEEEEEE because I'm so awesome! Oh and bring me gifts becaus I'm throwing my ownnn party. Yippee!! This is what I'm getting from you.</div><div>
</div><div>Why can't you just have a party? Why does it HAVE to be an engagement party? </div><div>
</div>

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:0948c36e-9696-489d-960a-8aa10608da95">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party : Not what I asked. Ettiquette is subjective. I could go on a thousand websites right now that would tell me that hosting my own party is perfectly fine. My question was about spouses and spouses only. Now that I know that it would bother some people I will be inviting all spouses. If I know that hosting my own party is acceptable in my social group then thats all that matters. <strong>I don't understand why people get riled when you don't accept un-solicited advice.</strong>
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]

<div>Seems like you're actually the one who is riled up here.  These ladies gave you some great advice--nobody really cares that much that you are going to go ahead and do your own rude little thing.  The point is, you came on an etiquette board to ask advice on how to do something rude...I bet you're super smart.</div>

Mstellah

I'm curious, what's the etiquette for providing unsolicited advice(re: throwing ones own party) and making passive aggressive remarks?

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:22fa44a5-b435-4886-8296-bfecfeeb4fe4">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm curious, what's the etiquette for providing unsolicited advice(re: throwing ones own party) and<strong> making passive aggressive remarks?</strong>
Posted by Mstellah[/QUOTE]

Sort of like the one you just made?  Self-awareness is overrated.

Traditionalprincess

Thats the point I don't care if you think its rude that I'm throwin my own party. You are not invited therefore I don't care if you think its rude.

If I was entitled I would demand someone else throw me a party. I'm throwing my own. I don't expect anything from anyone else nor do I expect gifts.

Ettiquette is based on your social circle. MY GUESTS will be comfortable with it then it doesn't matter.

My question is about spouses, I got my answer. If you don't like my party idea then don't come. Majority of you ettiquette people are rude. Such an oxymoron.

My "little world" is all that matter because the people in "my little world" will be the ones invited to my party.

For those that don't know that ettiquette changes truly don't know anything about ettiquette.

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Engagement Party:[QUOTE]If I didn't throw my own parties I would never have had a birthday party or a graduation party amp; I wouldn't be having a wedding. I don't care if people find that quot;rudequot;. But thanks for the advice about the guest list, I guess I have to invite the spouses. Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]
I know you're trying to envoke sympathy here, but I can't stop laughing.
You're not supposed to throw parties for yourself to honor yourself. If no one ever offered to throw you a party before... take the hint, "Princess."

MNVegas

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-31?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b540218b-7f1a-4f8c-a3ca-be32c02476f6Post:f1a13647-737a-4c7e-9a2a-1124ba44bde6">Re: Engagement Party</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats the point I don't care if you think its rude that I'm throwin my own party. You are not invited therefore I don't care if you think its rude. If I was entitled I would demand someone else throw me a party. I'm throwing my own. I don't expect anything from anyone else nor do I expect gifts. Ettiquette is based on your social circle. MY GUESTS will be comfortable with it then it doesn't matter. My question is about spouses, I got my answer. If you don't like my party idea then don't come. Majority of you ettiquette people are rude. Such an oxymoron. My "little world" is all that matter because the people in "my little world" will be the ones invited to my party. For those that don't know that ettiquette changes truly don't know anything about ettiquette.
Posted by Traditionalprincess[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sigh, so so clueless!

</div>

RebeccaB88

I didn't think 13 year olds were allowed to get married.

HockeyFan4

I will try a different approach.  You say you don't expect gifts from people at this party, which is good as you should NEVER expect gifts.  Since engagement parties vary in formality, and there is no set "ceremony" to them...why not just have a party.  Don't mention the engagement in the invitations, don't make the night revolve around it.  Just spend time with your loved ones. 

This way, you are spending time with the people you care about, without risking insulting anyone by throwing your own engagement party.

Traditionalprincess

Taking advice about etiquette from RUDE people, yea that makes sense.