invitation - groom's parents not on invitation

Karenski51

I'm the divorced mother of the groom. I wasn't asked about the invitation before they were printed.  Not only didn't I get an invitation (I was told it must have gotten lost in the mail) but to my surprise I wasn't even listed.  I was asked to to make the rehersal dinner, it will be for at least 20 people, I thought I would be at least on the invitation. I don't know if my ex is contributing anything to the wedding, if that matters.

ootmother2

The host's name goes on the invitation.  Are you hosting?

You can offer to host the RD, your name can go on that invitation.

ETA:  Why did you think your name would be on the invitations? 

I would want an invitation just to keep, in your place

Calypso1977

traditionally, the grooms parents names never went on invitations.  that was usually more appropriately placed on the wedding announcements.

this comes up alot on here - im genuinely curious as to why parents of the groom get so upset about not being listed on the invite. 

all that aside, it was not proper for you to be asked to host/pay for the RD.

Karenski51

I was asked to host the RD. I was told there ill be at least 20 people.  I don't ever remember getting a wedding invitation where both parents weren't listed.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-grooms-parents-not-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5baffc5-80a1-4b35-88fb-57c3f4302cd3Post:0e13ae7c-0507-48bd-a361-adc41cf8d055">invitation - groom's parents not on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm the divorced mother of the groom. I wasn't asked about the invitation before they were printed.  Not only didn't I get an invitation (I was told it must have gotten lost in the mail) but to my surprise I wasn't even listed.  I was asked to to make the rehersal dinner, it will be for at least 20 people, I thought I would be at least on the invitation. I don't know if my ex is contributing anything to the wedding, if that matters.
Posted by Karenski51[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't understand why you're upset about not being included on the invitation.  From what you've said, you aren't hosting it.  Put your name on the RD invitations.</div><div>
</div><div>Oh, and if you don't want to make the RD, there's nothing wrong with pizza or bbq or something along those lines.  Also, no one can force you to host it.  Whoever asked you shouldn't have done so.  You're welcome to offer to host it, and you can host it within your means.  </div>

Calypso1977

ive only gotten one wedding invite that listed the grooms' parents.  he wanted them on there because his mom had recently passed.  it was all sort of odd.  every other one had the traditional wording of Bride's parents only, or "together with their families" or my own which didnt list any parent names.

but again, why is yoru name on the invite important?  i hear on here so much things like "they said it was a slap in the face to not be listed".  im genuinely curious to hear from a MOG why the name on an invite is so important.  because honestly, if i had a son, i wouldnt expect to be listed or be offended if i wasnt.

Karenski51

As far as I know there won't be a program. 

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-grooms-parents-not-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5baffc5-80a1-4b35-88fb-57c3f4302cd3Post:ca5b35be-ecca-438a-9b27-6b99200cd3fe">Re: invitation - groom's parents not on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]I was asked to host the RD. I was told there ill be at least 20 people.  I don't ever remember getting a wedding invitation where both parents weren't listed.
Posted by Karenski51[/QUOTE]

I've never seen a wedding invitation where BOTH sets of parents WERE listed

Sing2phins

I really want to include Ds parents names on our invitation, like this:

my mom and dad
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter

Me
to
D

son of
Ds mom
Ds father and step-mom

My mom is balking (my parents are paying), but I just think it's a nice touch to acknowledge them.  I don't think the way I have it worded leaves any doubt as to who is hosting, if that's what people care about.

That said, I don't know that the groom's parents should ever EXPECT to be included on the invitation for an event they are not hosting.

Calypso1977

OP, you mention your ex and how you dont know if he's contributing - is the issue that your ex and his new wife were listed on the invite but you werent?  im trying to figure out why you mentioned you were divorced and why you mention your ex.  if they were listed and you werent, then i can totally see why you are upset.

Brandiewine11

Honestly, you shouldn't be offended by thiis if you aren't hosting the actual wedding. We're hosting ourselves and not listing any parents names at all.

You aren't obligated to host the RD - only do this if you want to. Just discuss with teh B&G what your means are and what you'd like to do.

How do you know there won't be a program? If there isn't, I'm sure you'll be introduced at some point. 

Can you please let us know why you expected to be on the invite and why it's important to you? I would genuinely like to know.

kellyjellybelly

I've actually gotten more invites where both sets of parents were listed, rather than just the bride's parents.  I didnt put either set of parents on my invite since we hosted.  If we did put one, we would have put both, for this exact reasoning, I think MIL would have been upset.

Meg1036

My parents are hosting the wedding (FI's parents are contributing some as well, and paying for the rehearsal dinner).  I put FI's parents names on the invite under "son of."  FI actually didn't think we should, just because his parents are pretty traditional, and traditionally the groom's parents aren't listed if they are not hosting.

In general, I think its nice to acknowledge the groom's parents on the invite since they are his parents, but it is not required.  And as the invitations are already printed, there's nothing that can be done.  So do your best to pretend it doesn't bother you.

mica178

We did not list my in laws on the wedding invitation, as my parents hosted.  H's parents' names were on the RD invitations, since that's what they hosted.  I did show the wedding invitations to my then-FILs before they were printed, so they were aware that they wouldn't be listed, but from seeing my other SIL's invitations, my ILs have never been listed.

specialk84

We didn't list FI's mom on the invitation.  She's also not hosting the RD, so her name isn't on that, either.  Her name is going to be listed in the program, though.

I asked FI if he wanted her listed on the invitation.  His response was, "No, because she isn't hosting anything.  Your parents are throwing the party, so they get to invite people."

Beachy730

I do many times see both sets of parents on the invites, but that doesn't mean it's required by any means.  My IL's didn't contribute anything to the wedding or RD, and I left it up to H if he wanted to include them on the invite, and he chose not to.  Like a PP said, traditionally only the bride's parents went on it anyways since they were the ones who paid.  

I don't understand why your so upset by it.  Are you afraid nobody is going to know who his mom is?  Wear a name tag that says "Karen- Mother of the Groom."  Think that sounds ridiculous?  So do being upset that your name isn't listed on an invite for a wedding that isn't yours.

Karenski51

My ex and new wife weren't listed either. I asked the bride and groom what he was supplying and I was told nothing. Originally I was also told my ex told our son his wife would not be attending, but you could send him an invite any way. He probably wasn't coming.

lindsaynewbride10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-grooms-parents-not-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5baffc5-80a1-4b35-88fb-57c3f4302cd3Post:9c64bf92-e0eb-4d95-94cb-7b94e6a01904">Re: invitation - groom's parents not on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: invitation - groom's parents not on invitation : Take some sidewalk chalk and write your name outside the ceremony venue by a photo of you and your son.  That way everyone will know who you are! You seem very worried about getting some sort of recognition.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Love this.

Brandiewine11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-grooms-parents-not-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5baffc5-80a1-4b35-88fb-57c3f4302cd3Post:88e565f7-e287-4e8a-bd67-12dc0f1596ef">Re: invitation - groom's parents not on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]My ex and new wife weren't listed either. I asked the bride and groom what he was supplying and I was told nothing. Originally I was also told my ex told our son his wife would not be attending, but you could send him an invite any way. He probably wasn't coming.
Posted by Karenski51[/QUOTE]

<div>Honestly, its not your business what he is contributing. Is there something else going on here? This has nothing to do with your name being listed or not.</div>

ootmother2

OP, there has to be more to this than your invittion got lost.

WHY do you think you should be on the wedding invitation?  You haven't answered that question

thesequel

Ours said "together with our parents".  Neither set is contributing financially but we wanted to honor them.  RD has FILs parents' names as hosting and brunch invites have my parents has hosting.  The joke in our combined families is that each VIP couple gets to host their own party!

I doubt that it was a deliberate slight - the couple may have gone with the traditional wording.  The only wedding invite that I have seen with both parents listing was my BIL and his wife's and that is only because the parents split the costs down the middle and each set of parents were equally hosting.  

tenofcups4me

I'd expect the groom's parents to be on the invitation since that's what I almost always see and from what the OP has written, that's what she's accustomed to too. But OP, I would assume the bride (or her parents) are accustomed to just the bride's parents on the invitation and didn't mean to offend unless there's something else going on beyond this.

polichik

The hosts of the event are the ones listed on the invitation. If DH's brother threw him a birthday party with formal invitations (wouldn't happen, but just as an example), it would be absurd if I was upset not to be listed on the invitation just because I'm his wife. Everybody knows I'm his wife, and his brother is the host, not me. If I wanted to be on the invitation, I should have offered to co-host the party.

People get all bent out of shape because it's a wedding, but please try to remember that the same rules of hosting any other social event apply. If you're not the host, your name doesn't need to be on the invitation. Everyone knows you're his mother, and I'm not sure what else you expect them to do to highlight that.

cbratthauer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-grooms-parents-not-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5baffc5-80a1-4b35-88fb-57c3f4302cd3Post:a9bc3706-8253-410a-8675-e1b97620268b">Re: invitation - groom's parents not on invitation</a>:
[QUOTE]I really want to include Ds parents names on our invitation, like this: my mom and dad request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Me to D son of Ds mom Ds father and step-mom My mom is balking (my parents are paying), but I just think it's a nice touch to acknowledge them.  I don't think the way I have it worded leaves any doubt as to who is hosting, if that's what people care about. That said, I don't know that the groom's parents should ever EXPECT to be included on the invitation for an event they are not hosting.
Posted by Sing2phins[/QUOTE]

That is exactly how our invitations are worded. We wanted my fiance's parents on there, but listed them after his name. My parents names were first implying they are hosting the wedding. I think if it is clear my parents are hosting there is no shame in putting his parents names on after his name, son of...