Open Marriage

Carameanie1824

So I was watching the View the other day and they were talking about Oscar Nominee Mo'niqe (movie Precious) and her "open marriage" with her husband.  Apparently they've know each other since high school and have been married 20-some years and practice open marriage.  I'm not sure what to feel.

What are you thoughts on this?

jasmineh7777

I think that sexual monogamy is a major part of the definition of marriage. Love, support, etc. are important obviously, but you can have that in a long-term relationship. I don't see the point in getting married if you don't plan on being monogamous.

jamiefour

Not for me but whatever works for them.

lyndausvi

I'm of  the thinking 'each to his own'.  I know some people with open marriages and it seems to work for them.    I know it's not something that would work for us.

pooh8402

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:5637aa6d-73c3-451e-a279-240c7e8394ab">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that sexual monogamy is a major part of the definition of marriage. Love, support, etc. are important obviously, but you can have that in a long-term relationship. <strong>I don't see the point in getting married if you don't plan on being monogamous.</strong>
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]
tax benefits

jasmineh7777

Well if there are tax benefits involved, then by all means...

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:6c0fc58f-d53f-4b28-b355-1ac60f31021f">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Since I think a marriage is devoting yourself to one other person for the rest of your life, I don't think an "open" marriage is a real marriage.  But what two consenting adults do is fine by me.
Posted by pandasquishy[/QUOTE]


Yeah, me too.  It irritates me that a man and a woman can do this, and get the legal benefits of marriage, but a monogamous gay or lesbian couple can't have those same benefits.  If the idea of homosexual marriage violates the sanctity of marriage, as opponents to it claim, what on earth does open marriage do to it?

Ultimately, though - it has no effect on me, so I don't care what choices they make about their own marriage.  It's just the current legal debate over marriage that makes this seem really wrong to me.

jasmineh7777

I think "open marriage" is much more threatening to the sanctity of marriage than homosexual marriage. (I also think that homosexual marriage should be legalized.)
Good point Squirrly

polichik

Will and Jada Smith, a couple often celebrated for their wonderful relationship, are swingers.

To each his or her own, I suppose!

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:47711aeb-9fc4-4cc5-a7c9-4c152cba6ead">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Marriage : Yeah, me too.  It irritates me that a man and a woman can do this, and get the legal benefits of marriage, but a monogamous gay or lesbian couple can't have those same benefits.  If the idea of homosexual marriage violates the sanctity of marriage, as opponents to it claim, what on earth does open marriage do to it?
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

Thank you!  You put into words what I  kept thinking and trying to figure out how to say in this thread.  Ditto Squirrly.

golden1215

I couldn't do it, but I have good friends who do and they have been happily married for 7+ years... so I guess they make it work. 

I think it's more common in older couples because... well, after 20-30 years of the same thing you still love your spouse, but you might want some more spice!

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:28a7b9a6-7d27-4c09-aff7-b07376fb7ed7">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Will and Jada Smith, a couple often celebrated for their wonderful relationship, are swingers</strong>. To each his or her own, I suppose!
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Nuh uh! Really!?

jasmineh7777

I thought that the Will Smith thing was a rumor? I am pretty sure he refuted that in an interview not too long ago. Maybe?

kimheartsscott

I think in the interview she said that she has never gone outside of the marriage with him, but didn't say about her former husbands.  And she described open marriage as be completely honest, and never lying.  She said she would consider lying cheating, but sleeping with someone else isn't cheating as long as they are honest.

That said, no way in hell,

Also, I don't think Will and Jada are quite open yet:

"Smith said that honesty is the foundation of their 11-year marriage. He said that it is "healthy" to be attracted to other people and is okay telling his wife so. "Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what's natural and you’re going to be attracted to people," said Smith. "So sometimes we have the discussion: 'Wow, this or that girl is freaking gorgeous.' I'm not going to say anything to my buddies that's any different than what I say to my wife"

Smith said that they have yet to have lovers outside of the marriage, but the couple would tell each other if the situation arises. He said that if the situation would arise, they would say to each other, "I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it."

"I don't know how I'd feel [if she said she had feelings for another person]. But I know I would react better than if I found out about it afterwards," said Smith."

CaptiolBride

i think whatever works for your relationship is fine. I'm so happy to see I'm amongst some gay rights supporters though. That really means a lot girls. *tear* I live 10 mins away from D.C. (who just passed the law) but since I live in MD I can't legally marry FI yet.. so we are considering renting the house in a while and possibly move into D.C. who knows.. Anyway, this is about Monique... not me.. lol

so yeah. I think if it works for them and they are happy with the conditions.. then go for it. I personally couldn't share one of the most intimate acts that Fi and I share with someone else.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

NMS, but whatever floats her boat. My BFF did the same, actually.

MissLeahM

I don't understand why someone would do it. If I knew someone who had an open marriage, I would ask questions, out of curiosity but that is their business and I could never do that. 

If FI ever brought it up, I would probably call a marriage counsellor. 

Moneypenny424

I'd never be okay with this, but to each his own.   I think there is way more to marriage than just sexual monogamy, so if they don't feel they need that, then so be it. 

It's good that her husband likes her not to shave her legs

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:bb1fd0aa-64a5-4079-acc7-02b8a1bfabda">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]I believe that whatever goes on between two consenting adults is their business.  I would never do it, and yes, other people may judge them, but not me. 
Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

This, exactly.

swtasa

Well a lot of people feel that human beings are not meant to commit themselves sexually to one person. I didn't watch the interview but "open" means a lot of things.  Some people it's just sex outside of the marriage, for some people it's full relationships outside. Other times it can mean you do things together with other people.

My FI and I fall into the last category... I actually struggled with admitting it, but people seem interested to know why and ask questions so I decided to open my situation up for any questions other people might have.

The why? We met through "swinging" it seems natural for us to continue that lifestyle. For us it's fun. I like women so that's more of a reason(For all the wonderful things my FI is he is not a woman nor will he ever be)

As for how it works, it takes A LOT of trust and open communication as well as an extreme amount of self confidence and little narcissism... it works only if 2 people are willing for it to work. And it ends when either or both parties feel it should end.

As for why get married? Marriage is a commitment to build a life together. We're doing that, we want to have chldren and raise them together. We want us to be together forever. We love each other outside of the bedroom...Before we started our relationship we layed it all out "If one of us doesn't want to do this anymore would it be ok?" We're both ok if we just didn't do it... but if it's something we both enjoy we don't see a reason to stop just because we found someone we love.

So feel free to ask me any other questions and I'd  be happy to give the answers I can, atleast speaking from my own experience

mrsamyjones

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-marriage-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b5d40229-5f3d-408b-893c-1e7713fe29e2Post:3e698bf7-2b0b-4100-8f78-5dc1335fc5c4">Re: Open Marriage</a>:
[QUOTE]Well if there are tax benefits involved, then by all means...
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

This made me smile.