No sweatpants and booty shorts?

llfinch

Is there a nice way to deter my 13-16 year old cousins from changing into tank tops and booty shorts for the reception? They always wear appropriate clothing for the ceremony, and then change into skin-tight tanktops and sweats/shorts. I know they want to be comfy to dance, but come on! Based on my invites and general tone of the wedding, it is set as a semi-formal event.

Please tell me this is something I won't notice, or care about. I just have looked back at the last five family weddings over the past 2 years and it irks me. I really want to have pictures with them at the reception (during the dance, etc), and I think it looks sloppy to have one person dressed formally and the other in gym clothes.

Could I ask them to stay in dresses? And to note, their parents dress appropriately, they just don't seem to care what the girls do at the reception.

doctabroccoli

There's really nothing you can do.

Also, I never believed it when people said you won't notice stuff like that at the reception.  I'm very detail oriented and anal and always notice everything, but my entire wedding is a blur, and it just happened this past Saturday.  I honestly couldn't tell you what anyone had on besides the wedding party.

midgetthemighty

Wow. I have never seen this and I have been to a LOT of weddings. Teenagers will be teenagers, but that just kinda floors me honestly. If I were in your situation, I would let them know how excited you are to take some pictures with them in their dresses at the reception. I would think they would get the hint. It would probably be rude to tell them not to wear their sweatpants and booty shorts point blank.

mica178

It's hard to tell people how to dress.  If you tell them how to dress, people will judge you.  If they change into inappropriate clothing, people will judge them (and their parents).

You might notice them at the reception, but it's less likely that you'll really care. 

[Deleted User]

While you can't tell them what to change into for the reception, you could ask them to stay in the dresses long enough so you can get the pictures you want.

waltzingmatilda13

There's not much you can, especially if their parents don't care.

FWIW, one of my cousin's changed into jeans after the ceremony and she's 19. I noticed, but I really didn't care because she looked comfortable and was having a good time, which is all I really wanted of everyone.

pantherRN

You may notice them, but I doubt you will you really care.

I like the idea of maybe asking them to stay in their dresses long enought to get some good family pictures at the reception. Even though they are kids, you can't really tell them not to change.

artbyallie

Unless your venue has a written dress code, I'm afraid you're out of luck. But you'll be so happy to be married, you won't notice at all.

jenjenaz

am i the only one here that thinks it's perfectly acceptable to tell the kids 'hey, if you don't want to keep your 'good' clothes on, you can go home.'  it's an event that they should be dressed properly for.  period.  if they don't want to wear what's appropriate to the event, they can leave.

this doesn't seem overly rude or controlling to me....

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:91c6134c-46ea-408c-bad8-66258a78eea9">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]am i the only one here that thinks it's perfectly acceptable to tell the kids 'hey, if you don't want to keep your 'good' clothes on, you can go home.'  it's an event that they should be dressed properly for.  period.  if they don't want to wear what's appropriate to the event, they can leave. this doesn't seem overly rude or controlling to me....
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

Telling people what they can and can't wear doesn't sound controlling to you?

jenjenaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:f38c9cae-d446-4337-a5b8-e1715f16dea7">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts? : Telling people what they can and can't wear doesn't sound controlling to you?
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

if i were to tell someone that they had to wear THAT dress with THOSE shoes, yes, it sounds controlling.  but if i say that someone needs to be dressed appropriately for the function, no, that doesn't feel controlling to me.

i'm most comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt.  guess what?  if i showed up at the office in that, i'd get my butt kicked.  is my employer controlling? 

eviltwin13

Tank tops, booty shorts and sweatpants would not be welcome at my reception. Attending an event involves dressing appropriately. The only possible exception I could think of would be if someone brought their toddler and wanted to change him/her into pajamas as the night got later.

Stackeye210

That would be pretty annoying.  One of my BM's changed at the reception into a summer dress, but I was only annoyed because it was sooooo hot in there and I was sweating so bad in my wedding dress and she looked so nice and comfortable.   

You probably will notice, but there isn't much you can do about it.  I'm sorry.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:92d7f53b-1296-4a90-ac2b-1043fee13e8a">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts? : if i were to tell someone that they had to wear THAT dress with THOSE shoes, yes, it sounds controlling.  but if i say that someone needs to be dressed appropriately for the function, no, that doesn't feel controlling to me. i'm most comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt.  guess what?  if i showed up at the office in that, i'd get my butt kicked.  is my employer controlling? 
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

It sounds like these "kids" (aka 13-16 year olds) will be dressed appropriately for the event - that is the wedding. 

OP if you are that worried about it just don't play booty music.  I'm sure the girls won't have to change to get down to some Frank Sinatra.  If you are going to play said booty music...I think you have sacrified some of the formalness of your wedding reception dance party.  Sorries.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:92d7f53b-1296-4a90-ac2b-1043fee13e8a">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts? : if i were to tell someone that they had to wear THAT dress with THOSE shoes, yes, it sounds controlling.  but if i say that someone needs to be dressed appropriately for the function, no, that doesn't feel controlling to me. i'm most comfortable in shorts and a t-shirt.  guess what?  if i showed up at the office in that, i'd get my butt kicked.  is my employer controlling? 
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

Does your office have a dress code? Or a standard of dress that is appropriate for your office? Then, no, it's not controlling. If you show up and aren't dressed appropriately then your boss has every right to tell you so.

So unless the OP's reception hall has a dress code people are free to wear what they want. It might be inappropriate, but that doesn't mean they can't wear it. It would be rude to tell someone to go home because of that.

jemmini6

I'd definitely be judging the parents if their tween/teens changed into inappropriate clothes, but I don't think there's really anything you can do about it other than to reitterate that it's a FORMAL event...ALL NIGHT.  If they change anyways, I wouldn't worry about it too much, like I said...guests will be judging them and their parents, not you.

shytownkelly

Perhaps a small conversation with the parents of the teenagers? 

I get the whole "can't tell people what to wear" but that is based on the assumption people are reasonable and logical.  Teenagers are not!  (I have 3 - trust me on this)

I have to tell my teens what to wear when we have special occasions.  Otherwise they'd wear hoodies and jeans or gym shorts. 

The fact that they have pulled this stunt the last few weddings though tells me that they aren't going to listen to you or their parents anyway.

Good Luck!

llfinch

Sad, I guess I will resign myself to booty shorts. We are having a band, and I really don't think their repertoire extends to that kind of music...ugh. I am going to try the "I really want to take pictures with you at the reception" line.

I just think it looks so tacky in pictures (which there are). And yes, I know I will be on a happy high from getting married, I am just so anal that I will totally notice it. I'll just ask my photog to try to get pictures fast (and then maybe none at all with them once they change).

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:18dcdf4c-68bc-42a1-8a71-0cef9133689b">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Perhaps a small conversation with the parents of the teenagers?  I get the whole "can't tell people what to wear" but that is based on the assumption people are reasonable and logical.  Teenagers are not!  (I have 3 - trust me on this) I have to tell my teens what to wear when we have special occasions.  Otherwise they'd wear hoodies and jeans or gym shorts.<strong>  The fact that they have pulled this stunt the last few weddings though tells me that they aren't going to listen to you or their parents anyway. Good Luck!</strong>
Posted by shytownkelly[/QUOTE]

This. 

Ask someone to snap a few photos of them shaking their goodies around, then post them on FB the next day.  Maybe they will think twice next time about their "party" outfits. 

jenjenaz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:20539728-78c4-457e-92fc-64ac3c39f1d1">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]Does your office have a dress code? Or a standard of dress that is appropriate for your office? Then, no, it's not controlling. If you show up and aren't dressed appropriately then your boss has every right to tell you so. So unless the OP's reception hall has a dress code people are free to wear what they want. It might be inappropriate, but that doesn't mean they can't wear it. It would be rude to tell someone to go home because of that.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

my office does not have a dress code, it does, however, have a standard of dress that is appropriate.  i feel that a wedding (including the reception) also has a standard of dress that is appropriate - and booty shorts and sweatpants are not ok. 

i would be absolutely dumbfounded if someone showed up at my reception in either shorts or sweatpants.  while i might not ask them to leave, i'd probably not invite them to the next event where people were expected to be dressed up.

baystateapple

My sister changed out of her red shoes into flamingo slippers after the ceremony.  I didn't notice until the pro pictures came back.  And I thought it was hilarious.

You won't notice.  I swear.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It seems like their parents should be the ones concerned about it (I would be). The only thing you can do to determine their choice of clothing would be to invite them to be in the wedding party.

jerseydevil

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:bf76c8ed-59c0-489e-a260-3a60e4f4ccd9">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like their parents should be the ones concerned about it (I would be). The only thing you can do to determine their choice of clothing would be to invite them to be in the wedding party.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Agree. My mother would have never allowed this.

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:25e0f27d-4238-4a88-9219-8a09acd18b1e">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister changed out of her red shoes into flamingo slippers after the ceremony.  I didn't notice until the pro pictures came back.  And I thought it was hilarious. You won't notice.  I swear.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

booty shorts and tank tops are a liiiiitle more noticeable than shoes.

I'd be pretty appalled to be honest, and I doubt my Mom would tolerate it... she'd probably be the one talking to her brother/sister about their children's choice of attire before the big day. which, would probably be fortunate for them, because my friends can be pretty loud and judgy about stuff like that.

that being said, i think the 'i'd like to take pics with you at the reception' is probably your best bet to not look controlling.

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:25e0f27d-4238-4a88-9219-8a09acd18b1e">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister changed out of her red shoes into flamingo slippers after the ceremony.  I didn't notice until the pro pictures came back.  And I thought it was hilarious. You won't notice.  I swear.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

LOL I have hot pink slippers that are giant feet complete with painted toenails, daisy decorated strap and glitter toering.  I am seriously thinking of slipping them on at the reception before the garter removal - or for a cute shoe pic. 

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sweatpants-booty-shorts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b680339b-2f2e-466a-8359-8569b94f68eePost:25e0f27d-4238-4a88-9219-8a09acd18b1e">Re: No sweatpants and booty shorts?</a>:
[QUOTE]My sister changed out of her red shoes into flamingo slippers after the ceremony.  I didn't notice until the pro pictures came back.  And I thought it was hilarious. <strong>You won't notice.  I swear.
</strong>Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I have to disagree here. If you are only having 35 guests at your wedding, you will notice if some of them change. Less likely if you have 150. Is it worth worrying about? IMO no, but I'm not you.

NOLAbridealmost

I just wouldn't invite them, frankly.  It sounds like they have no idea how to conduct themselves in a social setting. Just make the thing 18 and older and call it a day. 

lyndausvi

Honestly I would notice and care, but I also no there is nothing I can do about it either.

  Not that this has happen or ever would happen in my family, but I'm sure all the aunts would gang up on the parent for allowing that to happen in the first place.

eviltwin13

Also, if they've been doing this for the past two years, that would make the younger one 11 years old when this started. That is young enough to still obey parents' wishes - and young enough to need parents' money to buy the inappropriate clothing in the first place. The lack of good judgment has been ongoing, clearly.

I teach this age group and at 11, most boys in that age range still haven't gone through puberty and aren't interested in looking at what skintight shirts and booty shorts would be showing. Therefore these girls are dressing up to be looked at by boys & men who are too old for them. And I don't buy that they are "expressing themselves" or empowered in some way. They are doing it for attention, but they aren't mature enough to know what kind of attention is the right kind. I'm a big advocate of kids remaining kids.

Regardless. It's still not OK to wear to a wedding reception, unless it's a costume for a theme!

FutureMrsCoombs

I am totally in the minority here, but I went to 7 weddings in 2010 and in not one of them did I see people change out of their "fancy" clothes for the reception. Not even the teenagers.

I think it's absolutely unacceptable for guests to wear tank tops/sweatpants/booty shorts and I wouldn't have a problem telling them that (nicely, of course) but it's not bridezilla to ask people to be dressed appropriately and remain that way for the evening. And I dont mean they should just stay dressed thru the the pictures. I mean they can change into pj's when they get home.

OP my opinion may not be helpful but I'm annoyed on your behalf that this is even an issue for you! Holy parenting fail.