Wedding Etiquette Forum

Confession/vent/need advice?

Next week our best friends are getting married.  It's also the last weekend we will all be together down here because DH moves only a day or 2 after they return from their honeymoon.

The boys  are planning on a boat trip the day before the wedding.  Which is also the day of the rehearsal.   Boating = lot of drinking  (us girls were smarter and picked Wednesday for our boat trip)

The rehearsal dinner is actually a big open house at our favorite bar.  We all get wrist bands for free drinks and food.  The bar will still be open to the general public.    Open bar at our favorite hang out = lots of drinking.   

The boys also plan on going golfing the day of the wedding.  Golfing = drinking.   They have a special club that actually is a tap.  The bartenders get excited when they see their names on tee off list.     

I'm trying to figure out how to express to DH that it's not appropriate to get liquored up at all these events with the groom (they feed off of each other) without sounding like a nagging wife.  

It's his BFF's wedding and his last weekend with each other in STT. These 2 are like brothers.  They talk to each other more than they talk to us wives. It's like are recipe for disaster  not being about to do anything about it.

Ugh.







What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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Re: Confession/vent/need advice?

  • Ugh is right, Lynda.  That sucks.  He's going to feel like complete garbage after that many days of drinking.

    I don't have any advice for you, unfortunately.  I wouldn't know what to do in that situation either, except hope that H uses his common sense and keeps the drinking to a minimum.
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  • Hopefully the groom will realize it's not ok to show up to his wedding hammered and/or so hungover that he can't see straight? I think that's your best bet, really.
  • What exactly are you worried about with him drinking at all of the events.  I feel like I can give better advice/sympathy if I know what you're trying to avoid.  An accident?  Him being sick and you having to take care of him?  Him embarassing himself?
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  • Are you worried he's going to get too drunk and do something bad?  It sounds like an invetiable situation that he's going to get drunk and you should try to manage the damage as much as possible.
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  •  DH was very good at our wedding.  He didn't drink in excess the week off.  Even at his b-party in AC.  I'm hoping the groom will be the same way, I'm just not so sure.  This environment lends itself to excess.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • If your H was well behaved at your wedding, hopefully he'd have enough common sense to behave at his freind's wedding.

    I don't really think you can say much without coming off "mom-ish." Maybe make a joke out of it?

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  • annakb8annakb8 member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:82a2f948-adfb-4621-9862-26da4227f2ca">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hopefully the groom will realize it's not ok to show up to his wedding hammered and/or so hungover that he can't see straight? I think that's your best bet, really.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. My FI and his friends get really drunk and have been known to do some stupid stuff, but I don't think any of them would get too out of control the week of their wedding. I don't think any of the friends would particularly encourage a groom to do anything stupid either.
  • My H did the same thing - bachelor party the night before the wedding (we married at a courthouse on a Friday AM and our reception was on Sunday).  Cavaet - we are in our 50's so for him to be home by 11 from his bachelor party is normal.  He also on the day of the reception went golfing with the guys - again, did not come home any worse for the wear.

    I worried a little on both occasions, but not really.  H can and does get carried away and my worries are mainly byproducts of my first marriage.  xH would cheerfully dine with cannibals as long as the alcohol was flowing.

    I guess just trust that they'll know when enough is enough.  You could always give the old gentle reminder and leave it at that.  Sounds like all of you will be having a great time regardless!
  • I'm not really sure what I'm worried about.   All day boat trips = very drunk people.  They just do here.  So I guess I'm worried how they will be at the rehearsal (DH is a best man).   

    I worried DH will be hungover at the wedding from drinking all day and night on Friday.

    The groom and DH feed off each other.  I would hate the groom was drunk or stupid because of DH's influence (even if it was indirect).






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Yeah that sounds like a really fun weekend, but not the best timing with the wedding and all. Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do about Friday. They're going to be caught up in the moment and do what they do.

    I wouldn't be too worried about golfing the morning of though. For one, they'll be golfing in the morning and will be less likely to be slamming them back. Sure they'll probably have a few beers, but from my experience the drinking gets really cut back the earlier you are in the day. It'll also be the groom's wedding day and he might have nerves going along with that too. Hopefully he'd have enough common sense to not get schwasted that morning.
  • I found out after the wedding that H and his BM and a couple other friends went waterskiing the morning of the wedding.  I don't think they drank too much, but if he'd gotten hurt I would have flipped out.  But he didn't and I had no idea so whatever, haha.

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  • My H tried saying he wanted to golf on our wedding day, and I flat out told him no.  Between drinking and being in the sun all day, I knew he would be shot.  He always comes home from golf wanting to sleep for a few hours. 

    Is there any change you can try and convince him to do the boating earlier in the week, like the same day the ladies are?  And then go golfing on the day of the RD?  If not, then I would just remind me how it's important for the groom to be presentable and functioning at these events, how upset the bride will probably be if he isnt't, and just to make sure it doesn't get out of control.  
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  • I can totally relate, Lynda.  H can get like this with his friends too and I hate sounding like a nagging wife when I just want him to use common sense.  We had that recipe for disaster on our wedding weekend as well (not exactly, but you know, lots of drinking opps).  Hopefully the groom will keep it under control so the others do as well.  Since H kept it low key and didn't get out of hand for our pre-wedding events, neither did his gm's.  Hopefully this groom will do the same.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:28624709-e063-43b9-b3d4-f79cfa9a03cf">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah that sounds like a really fun weekend, but not the best timing with the wedding and all. Honestly, I don't think there's much you can do about Friday<strong>. They're going to be caught up in the moment and do what they do. I wouldn't be too worried about golfing the morning of though. For one, they'll be golfing in the morning and will be less likely to be slamming them back</strong>. Sure they'll probably have a few beers, but from my experience the drinking gets really cut back the earlier you are in the day. It'll also be the groom's wedding day and he might have nerves going along with that too. Hopefully he'd have enough common sense to not get schwasted that morning.
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]

    <div>Have you been to St Thomas?</div><div>
    </div><div>2 days ago on a trip 15 people drank 1.5 cases of Coors light from 9:30am until 10:45am.     There is something about this place.</div><div>
    </div><div>Although DH is less likely to drink in the AM if he is hungover.  The groom on the other hand believes more drinking cures hangovers...</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • And hopefully the bride has already had this conversation with the groom
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:65f9841d-e462-404c-87bf-011e1c45b600">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession/vent/need advice? : Have you been to St Thomas? 2 days ago on a trip 15 people drank 1.5 cases of Coors light from 9:30am until 10:45am.     There is something about this place. Although DH is less likely to drink in the AM if his hungover.  The groom on the other hand believes more drinking cures hangovers...
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]


    Well I don't doubt they'll get schwasted on the boat trip, because I know I would. I just know from my experiences with golfing, the drinking is not as heavy when it's in the morning.

    Honestly, they're grown men so I don't know how much you should be worrying yourself about it. If anything I would think the bride would be more worried about it than anyone.
  • I'm sure your H will reign it in since he knows he has best man stuff to do.  And if not, he's the one who's going to feel like crap.  Just hope he doesn't puke on your wedding shoes :)
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  • We suggested they do the boat trip on Thursday, but they couldn't for someone reason.. I think it was because some of the VIP guests were arriving that day (parents or something).      They can't do it on our day because (1) we are using the boat.  (2) we would be going to the same places and they want to make it gender specific.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I think you have to trust him to be a responsible adult. Maybe just remind him that it is the other guys wedding and ask him to help make sure he gets everywhere on time/in good shape? Express your concern, but then let it go.
  • Make sure there is lots of sunscreen and water involved!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:a9bc47c4-c3b8-48d1-bdbf-a5d756ea9a04">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm sure your H will reign it in since he knows he has best man stuff to do.  And if not, he's the one who's going to feel like crap.  Just hope he doesn't puke on your wedding shoes :)
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL...  </div><div>
    </div><div>DH has to also help cook or supervise the cooking or something that morning.   Let's hope the excitement and responsibilities  keeps him in check.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:65f9841d-e462-404c-87bf-011e1c45b600">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession/vent/need advice? : Have you been to St Thomas? 2 days ago on a trip 15 people drank 1.5 cases of Coors light from 9:30am until 10:45am.     There is something about this place. Although DH is less likely to drink in the AM if he is hungover.  The groom on the other hand believes more drinking cures hangovers...
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    *Snort*  Our friends regularly do this pace, lol.  It's unfortunate they won't be on our honeymoon with us, otherwise we maybe could've broken a record for you :).

    Anyway, I feel like you're perhaps more concerned (albeit indirectly) for the bride.  I totally get that.  I would've been pissed if H was hungover for our wedding, cause he's good for nothing when he's hungover.
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  • Seems like it wouldn't hurt to gently remind him that he has these 3 things in a row that have high alcohol potential, and he should pace himself so he can enjoy the wedding.  Sometimes guys (and also girls) don't think strategically like that.  Once you know he realizes the potential "danger", then it's really up to him to be responsible and not overdo it. 

    I'm sure it will turn out fine, and as PP said, hopefully the bride will also have this conversation with her FI.  Ulitmately, the guys are adults and will hopefully act like it!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:bf8850ab-adcc-49c3-b9c1-08cca077c3d0">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession/vent/need advice? : *Snort*  Our friends regularly do this pace, lol.  It's unfortunate they won't be on our honeymoon with us, otherwise we maybe could've broken a record for you :).<strong> Anyway, I feel like you're perhaps more concerned (albeit indirectly) for the bride</strong>.  I totally get that.  I would've been pissed if H was hungover for our wedding, cause he's good for nothing when he's hungover.
    Posted by doctabroccoli[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I think you are right.   It's not only DH, but the groom as a lot of friends from TX coming also.  They are all going to be on vacation in the islands.  Woo Hoo.   It's a different mindset than just going to your friend's local wedding KWIM?</div><div>
    </div><div>oh and that is not a record drinking for us.  It just was a little surprising at 9:30am, coming from a bunch of 40+ year olds on a work incentive trip.  I expected that pace a little later in the day.</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:fb48884a-bc12-4df8-ad9c-80d7ca64d3ad">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not really sure what I'm worried about.  <strong> All day boat trips = very drunk people.</strong>  They just do here.  So I guess I'm worried how they will be at the rehearsal (DH is a best man).    I worried DH will be hungover at the wedding from drinking all day and night on Friday. The groom and DH feed off each other.  I would hate the groom was drunk or stupid because of DH's influence (even if it was indirect).
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    H went to a bachelor party last year and they all got wasted the night before, headed out on a boat the next morning prepared to drink more and fish.  And every single one of them got sick/hung over, H was throwing up over the side of the boat.  They had to buyout the other passengers on the boat to have it turned around early. 
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  • MRSBJSMRSBJS member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:65f9841d-e462-404c-87bf-011e1c45b600">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession/vent/need advice? : <strong>Have you been to St Thomas? 2 days ago on a trip 15 people drank 1.5 cases of Coors light from 9:30am until 10:45am.  </strong>   There is something about this place. Although DH is less likely to drink in the AM if he is hungover.  The groom on the other hand believes more drinking cures hangovers...
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    I have not been to St. Thomas, but I just may have to go now lol
  • This is a p&r but I confess that I am a tiny bit irrationally butthurt at people making fun of my name now that Sarah Palins kid is married. All of a sudden every radio station has an opinion. I mean it really isn't THAT weird of a name. /end rant
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessionventneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6b58b36-5840-4912-a5e4-c52da51a37bePost:ca6af4f5-93a4-417b-88c0-718f4799dc21">Re: Confession/vent/need advice?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession/vent/need advice? : I have not been to St. Thomas, but I just may have to go now lol
    Posted by MRSBJS[/QUOTE]

    <div>St Thomas is the land of $8 gallons of milk, $11 bottles of Stoli and $6 bottles of rum.</div><div>
    </div><div>We have different priorities down here.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I want botox.  I hate the fine lines and creases that are starting to appear on my face.
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  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    Awwww musical! I think it's a pretty name!! At least it's unique, unlike Jennifer Undecided
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