Dry Wedding- rude?

boatkicker

Simple, easy question.

blush64

I don't think it's rude but I do think you should let people know. Some people may be disappointed if they only find out at the reception and it's better not to have disappointed guests at your wedding.

opalsky007

I don't think it's rude, and I don't think you have to warn people.

I do think they work best when they're not at night--a lot of people do like a drink during or after dinner, but wouldn't miss it at lunch.

KatyRoseM

I think it depends why.  If you just don't want to pay for it thats a bit rude.  If your opposed to alcohol for moral reasons, thats fine. 

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't have a night reception without booze.  Unless your entire set does not drink do to religion etc. 

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:88ed6647-3941-4287-9aa3-1909638cbd84">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's rude but I do think you should let people know. Some people may be disappointed if they only find out at the reception and it's better not to have disappointed guests at your wedding.
Posted by blush64[/QUOTE]

I think it is better if guests are not informed beforehanded of a dry wedding, due to many guests will "sneak" in booze to the reception if they know there will not be any there.  Personally, I have never walked into a reception "expecting" alcohol. 

There are many reasons to have a dry reception, and as long as the bride and groom host their guests adequately, they do not have to explain their choices to anyone. 

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:74d620e0-bc8c-45d4-bb07-a299ad7c6655">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE] There are many reasons to have a dry reception, and as long as the bride and groom host their guests adequately, they do not have to explain their choices to anyone. 
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

This!

ajroark

I don't think it's rude at all, but IMHO, the wedding would be less fun and people would be disappointed.

blush64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:74d620e0-bc8c-45d4-bb07-a299ad7c6655">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Wedding- rude? : I think it is better if guests are not informed beforehanded of a dry wedding, due to many guests will "sneak" in booze to the reception if they know there will not be any there.  Personally, I have never walked into a reception "expecting" alcohol.  There are many reasons to have a dry reception, and as long as the bride and groom host their guests adequately, they do not have to explain their choices to anyone. 
Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

It probably depends on the circle you are in then because all of the people I know them would be disappointed if they weren't told it wouldn't be there. In my family alcohol is always at a wedding and it is expected. (and always expected to be open bar) It's just the way things are always done for us. I don't atually know anyone who disagrees with drinking so maybe that's why this has never come up.

It's not that they have to explain but just to let people know. If a wedding has alcohol people might want to stay overnight in a hotel but if there won't be alcohol they can drive home. (my parents would do that)

If it's something normally done or if people are aware you don't drink then it should be fine. We can all still have a great time without alcohol.

EDITED

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:4dc6eb49-87ce-4a7c-8e58-f929fee566fd">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it depends why.  If you just don't want to pay for it thats a bit rude.  If your opposed to alcohol for moral reasons, thats fine. 
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]


I don't agree with this at all.  Especially because people come on here wanting to do a cash bar because they can't afford to host alcohol, then everyone jumps on them and tells them it's rude and tells them they should just have a dry reception if they can't afford it.  But now you are saying if you are having a dry reception because you can't pay for booze that it's rude.  So basically you're damned if you do, damned if you don't and esentially you shouldn't have a wedding unless you can pay for booze?  I'm sorry, but that's just dumb.

OP- no I don't think a dry reception is rude.  I don't think you necessarily need to forewarn people about that, but it might be a nice heads up anyways.  Also, as a guest, I'd actually much MUCH rather attend a wedding with a cash bar than a dry wedding. 

ootmother2

jem is correct.  The vast majority of guests would prefer a cash bar to no bar at all, particularly at an evening wedding.

mizjodi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:d764360a-bce5-492a-b03f-42b5f92cc7c2">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Wedding- rude? : I don't agree with this at all.  Especially because people come on here wanting to do a cash bar because they can't afford to host alcohol, then everyone jumps on them and tells them it's rude and tells them they should just have a dry reception if they can't afford it.<strong>  But now you are saying if you are having a dry reception because you can't pay for booze that it's rude.  So basically you're damned if you do, damned if you don't and esentially you shouldn't have a wedding unless you can pay for booze?  I'm sorry, but that's just dumb. OP- no I don't think a dry reception is rude.  </strong>I don't think you necessarily need to forewarn people about that, but it might be a nice heads up anyways.  Also, as a guest, I'd actually much MUCH rather attend a wedding with a cash bar than a dry wedding. 
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Exactly what I was thinking!

NOLAbridealmost

I'd prefer a cash bar to no bar at all....even though I do think that a cash bar is rude. But I'd rather side-eye the cash bar thing with a drink in my hand than have no drink at all. 

boatkicker

There are a lot of alcoholics in our families. Between not wanting to drink ourselves, not wanting to deal with anyone's drunkenness, and not wanting to put the temptation in front of those family members in recovery, we wanted to have a dry reception.

I was recently informed that it would be in "exceedingly poor taste", and that "most people won't come" if I have a dry wedding. I was supposed to be an evening wedding

lilacdust

I agree - it's not rude to have a dry wedding, but depending on the crowd, you should let people know ahead of time, maybe just by putting something on the invitation that says "dinner to follow" instead of "reception to follow." People may come expecting there to be alcohol and may be disappointed to find out they can't drink. I'm sure you know the type of crowd you'll be hosting, so it is your choice whether to have a dry wedding or do cash (since you're doing a dry wedding, it does sound like it's for moral reasons, which I APPLAUD.)

I posted a long babble of confusion on this board earlier because I wasn't sure how long to host an open bar vs per consumption and if it would be rude to close the bar early. That's mainly to just try and cut costs since not too many of my guests will be drinking (yet I still wouldn't want anyone to have to pay for their own drinks), and also because my family and a lot of friends are Christian and I wouldn't want to throw all the "rules" out of the window just because it's a wedding, you know?

But to answer your question, no, it's not rude to have a dry wedding. Just make sure that you consider who your guests are and, if needed, let people know. IMO, if people are sneaking alcohol into a wedding, that's just disrespectful. No way to really stop it from happening, but if it does, don't let it ruin your night!

sarah0725

I kind of think that anyone who can't have a fun evening without booze is the one with the problem, not you (and I'm saying that despite the fact that I am definitely happy to have a few alcoholic beverages when they are available). There are all sorts of reasons not to have alcohol at any event - I'm not having any booze at my shower because we're having it in an environmental center and getting an alcohol permit would be a huge pain in the ass.

There are things you can do to make the tenor of your wedding match a dry reception - like having it in the afternoon rather than the evening - but if no booze is your strong preference, you should stick to your guns.

MyNameIsNot

I think it sort of depends on why, but I don't think you owe your guests any explanation or warning.  If it's about moral/religion, your guests should know that off the bat.  If it's about budget, they should get the point when they see the rest of your wedding.

If you are going dry because you don't want to spend the money, but are then wearing a designer gown (etc) and having an evening wedding, I find it a little selfish and would therefore say rude.  But if you're doing it because you can't afford the booze and are having an otherwise budget wedding, it's a whole different story, and therefore not rude in the least.  

I do really think you need to know your audience.  If you are from a family that has booze at pretty much everything, you really need to think about how they are going to react.  If you want to go dry, you should probably consider having a lunch/afternoon event where it won't be as big of a deal.  

SD3194

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:bb9e636c-a979-4b08-bc92-34d2af5cebb8">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a lot of alcoholics in our families. Between not wanting to drink ourselves, not wanting to deal with anyone's drunkenness, and not wanting to put the temptation in front of those family members in recovery, we wanted to have a dry reception. I was recently informed that it would be in "exceedingly poor taste", and that "most people won't come" if I have a dry wedding. I was supposed to be an evening wedding
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]


It's extremely petty for a guest to not attend your wedding just because you didn't serve alcohol. I wouldn't worry about that, if they don't come then it's their loss.

A wedding reception is a party and when I party I like to have some booze. That's just my own opinion though.

My FSIL decided to have a dry wedding because there are two alcoholics in the family and she was scared they would ruin her big day. You know what happened? Those alcoholics brought in flasks anyway and got drunk but hardly ruined her wedding. You can't keep people from drinking if they really want to.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:bb9e636c-a979-4b08-bc92-34d2af5cebb8">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a lot of alcoholics in our families. Between not wanting to drink ourselves, not wanting to deal with anyone's drunkenness, and not wanting to put the temptation in front of those family members in recovery, we wanted to have a dry reception. I was recently informed that it would be in "exceedingly poor taste", and that "most people won't come" if I have a dry wedding. I was supposed to be an evening wedding
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]

<div>I think people will be more offended that you think they can't behave like adults than that you aren't serving alcohol.  "Not wanting to deal with the drunkenness or give alcoholics the temptation" is pretty condescending.  </div><div>
</div><div>If this is the case, I would really suggest going with something where it wouldn't be missed, like a day wedding.  </div>

Bethanne1202

I wouldnt host a dry wedding in the evening..

mica178

I would recommend that you have a daytime wedding if you're not serving alcohol.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:c2e7fa5e-ea60-46f2-9431-4df1c72d769e">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Wedding- rude? : I think people will be more offended that you think they can't behave like adults than that you aren't serving alcohol.  "Not wanting to deal with the drunkenness or give alcoholics the temptation" is pretty condescending.   If this is the case, I would really suggest going with something where it wouldn't be missed, like a day wedding.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

<div>If she has legitimate alcoholics in her family, then chances are they CAN'T control themselves in the presence of alcohol.  </div><div>
</div><div>OP, if you're not a big drinker and you don't want booze at your wedding, that's your choice.  PPs are right that people might be put off, but other PPs are right that anyone who just flat out refuses to have a good time without alcohol is the one with the problem.  I went to a Baptist college, and I've been to plenty of dry weddings of brides with whom I'd enjoyed many a happy hour.  I certainly gave the side-eye to their sudden teetotalling, but I definitely wasn't offended that I was not allowed to drink for free for four hours.</div>

Summer2011Bride

I don't think it's rude and don't think you need to warn anyone. Warning people they won't be able to get drunk? Unnecessary in my book. That's not a requirement, like feeding them at a meal time. TO me, that's extra, and it shouldn't matter why you choose it to be dry (whether it's money or something else). You may have less people dancing and staying longer without it, but if you're OK with that, go for it. I'd rather have an excellent meal than alcohol. People can always go out to a bar after the reception.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:216d24cb-04e8-4684-850e-ad04d9be2df7">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Wedding- rude? : If she has legitimate alcoholics in her family, then chances are they CAN'T control themselves in the presence of alcohol.   OP, if you're not a big drinker and you don't want booze at your wedding, that's your choice.  PPs are right that people might be put off, but other PPs are right that anyone who just flat out refuses to have a good time without alcohol is the one with the problem.  I went to a Baptist college, and I've been to plenty of dry weddings of brides with whom I'd enjoyed many a happy hour.  I certainly gave the side-eye to their sudden teetotalling, but I definitely wasn't offended that I was not allowed to drink for free for four hours.
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Part of the recovery process is learning how to deal with saying no when you are around alcohol.</div><div>
</div><div>And if they aren't in recovery, they aren't going to identify themselves as being alcoholics, and therefore aren't going to react well to being told that they can't handle their booze.  

</div>

iamjoesgurl

If you were hosting guests for a dinner party at your home, would you serve alcohol?  If not, then I would guess that people don't think you would have it at your wedding.  I am guessing that since you don't plan on drinking anyway, many of your guests won't expect it.

I am of the opinion that you don't tell your guests what you are doing for alcohol - as long as you are hosting a nice meal and providing a good atmosphere for the celebration, I think that is fine.  I also think it's fine to have an evening wedding but you should not expect the reception to go very long (and that's okay). 

LuluP82

I think that if you're someone who people would expect to host an event with alcohol (as in, all your other parties have had alcohol there, I like the dinner party example) then it would be weird to have a dry wedding. I'm also one that thinks cash bars are rude and you should host what you can afford.

Personally, I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't have a Saturday evening wedding unless you can afford to provide a full meal and an open bar with some alcohol (beer and wine is just fine). Not saying you can't have a wedding and reception if you can't afford to host alcohol-- but in my opinion, you should have one at a different time. have an afternoon wedding, a Sunday wedding...there are lots of options and there's nothing wrong with them. But having a traditional reception, where there is dancing, etc. on a Saturday evening without a full meal (or equivalent) and no bar (and I'd include cash bar under no bar) IMO is poor hosting, and thus, rude.

Karen's MOH

For the reasons OP posted, I think it's ok, but that it should not be an evening reception. Also, I would appreciate being told in advance. Evening weddings with open bars are the norm in my crowd, so to go in thinking one thing, and then have it be completely different would be really off putting, but if I knew in advance that it was a nice afternoon reception with no alcohol, I'd be ok.

BUT, if your friends and famiy are anything like mine, there won't be a lot of dancing. While we don't need booze to have a good time, I personally do need booze to think I'm a good dancer

Brandiewine11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:bb9e636c-a979-4b08-bc92-34d2af5cebb8">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a lot of alcoholics in our families. Between not wanting to drink ourselves, not wanting to deal with anyone's drunkenness, and not wanting to put the temptation in front of those family members in recovery, we wanted to have a dry reception. I was recently informed that it would be in "exceedingly poor taste", and that "most people won't come" if I have a dry wedding. I was supposed to be an evening wedding
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]

<div>If thats the case, its not rude at all. I would never skip a wedding just because it was dry. I'd like to have a cash bar at least, but in your case, I think dry is fine, no matter the time of day. This is a very legitimate reason for a dry wedding. There is absolutely no reason to "warn" people as that would, in fact, increase the likelihood of folks bringing their own, which could be a big problem. One suggestion...perhaps have a couple of special non-alcoholic beverages besides just soda/tea/water. Sparkling cider, a special "cocktail," something yummy and different.</div>

mkrupar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:ade65da9-57a9-4f62-a267-3e845a35452f">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dry Wedding- rude? : Part of the recovery process is learning how to deal with saying no when you are around alcohol. And if they aren't in recovery, they aren't going to identify themselves as being alcoholics, and therefore aren't going to react well to being told that they can't handle their booze.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with MNIN. If these people are in recovery they certainly cannot avoid being in a situation with alcohol for their entire lives. That's part of recovery. Being an adult and saying no. But to not have alcohol because they're in recovery tells them that you don't trust them enough to stick with the steps.

That's like saying someone on a diet should never be allowed around cake for fear they might eat it and "fall off the wagon".

And if they're not in recovery they have not taken the first step of admitting they have a problem and won't appreciate being treated like children.

My grandpa was a recovered alcoholic and still attended events with alcohol present. When there were family events at the grandparents house there wasn't any alcohol because of that reason, but it's their house, their decision. No one else made it for them. Which is essentially what OP would be doing if she decided to have no alcohol for these people that are alcoholics. She's deciding for them that they can't handle being around alcohol. And that's not for anyone to decide but them.

Go with the daytime wedding.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dry-wedding-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6d064c7-107e-4ba5-ab9a-7f89aac7f3faPost:bb9e636c-a979-4b08-bc92-34d2af5cebb8">Re: Dry Wedding- rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]There are a lot of alcoholics in our families. Between not wanting to drink ourselves, not wanting to deal with anyone's drunkenness, and not wanting to put the temptation in front of those family members in recovery, we wanted to have a dry reception. I was recently informed that it would be in "exceedingly poor taste", and that "most people won't come" if I have a dry wedding. I was supposed to be an evening wedding
Posted by boatkicker[/QUOTE]

<div>We chose to have a dry wedding because much of H's family can't control themselves when drinking.  Not to mention that I could have been kicked out of school for hosting a party with alcohol and that our venue didn't allow it.  We had 336 people attend our evening wedding and reception and the dance floor was full all night.  Yes, our wedding ended earlier than a lot that I hear about on here - we left around 9 I think - but that was fine with us.</div>

eviltwin13

At my best friend's wedding, several of the groom's family members had to be cut off at the open bar because they were overdoing it to the point of getting rowdy. One cousin, barely out of her teens, was sloshed enough during the opening hour of the wedding to drunkenly and rudely interrupt the toast. Several other folks (one of whom has several DUIs, another of whom eventually lost custody of her young child due to alcohol and drug addiction) made fools of themselves and caused the bride and groom to spend time worrying about their conduct and safety rather than enjoying their wedding. One argued with the bartender about being cut off, recruited several other family members to try to get drinks for her, and finally resorted to stealing sips of drinks from the tables.

I think in retrospect, everyone would have preferred the slightly condescending "we're not having an unlimited bar because you can't control yourselves around alcohol" to "thanks for being such an a$$hole and ruining our reception because you can't control yourselves around alcohol." Also, it was a miracle no one crashed their cars driving home that night.