Bridal Shower?

Pburke2010

Hi, 

Recently engaged, and my MOH is super excited to plan a bridal shower.  She's already asking me about gift ideas.  FI and I are settled in a small apartment for about 2 1/2 years so we don't need the traditional pots/pans, towels, household items.  There are a limited number of things that we want (stand mixer, curtains) but not a lot.  

For the wedding, we want to register for things for the honey moon.  There is a site honeybug.com where guests can pay for things for the honeymoon (romantic dinner by the sea, scuba diving) and you can break it up so it's not too expensive so people can pay whatever they want. I was thinking of doing this for the bridal shower, but my MOH's mother (my godmother) said the point of having a bridal shower is to get gifts, not certificates for the honeymoon.  (Plus, I wouldn't want to open those in front of other people). 

I have no idea what to do.  Is it okay to register for stuff for the wedding?  Toasting flutes, cake cutters? 

Thanks!!!

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-57?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76947dd-94e6-4939-ae73-d5f62ccae914Post:ada2244e-eb9a-488b-be19-4331a7b07e54">Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi,  Recently engaged, and my MOH is super excited to plan a bridal shower.  She's already asking me about gift ideas.  FI and I are settled in a small apartment for about 2 1/2 years so we don't need the traditional pots/pans, towels, household items.  There are a limited number of things that we want (stand mixer, curtains) but not a lot.   For the wedding, we want to register for things for the honey moon.  There is a site honeybug.com where guests can pay for things for the honeymoon (romantic dinner by the sea, scuba diving) and you can break it up so it's not too expensive so people can pay whatever they want. I was thinking of doing this for the bridal shower, but my MOH's mother (my godmother) said the point of having a bridal shower is to get gifts, not certificates for the honeymoon.  (Plus, I wouldn't want to open those in front of other people).  I have no idea what to do.  Is it okay to register for stuff for the wedding?  Toasting flutes, cake cutters?  Thanks!!!
Posted by Pburke2010[/QUOTE]

I'm not going to touch the HM registry at the moment.  I need more coffee first.  If you don't want any boxed presents, decline the shower.

Mrs.B6302007

And your godmother is absolutely correct.

mica178

If you don't need many of the conventional gifts, I would decline the shower. 

Honeymoon registries, to me, are rude.  They are asking for cash for a trip, but they don't really buy anything.  If you want cash, decline the shower, put out the word of mouth that you are saving for something (a house, a car, etc.), and people will get the hint.  But don't register with a company that will promise Aunt Bertha that for $100 she can buy you a sunset cruise when in reality, they'll give you $90 and keep $10 commission.

It's fine to register for wedding stuff to boost up the size of your registry.  You can also consider upgrading stuff that you already have, like nicer sheets or towels, matching silverware, better pots, etc.

Stackeye210

Be very careful of Honeymoon registries.  In theory it sounds like a cool idea except even though someone would pay for lets say a $50 excursion, all that you would get would be a $45 check.  HMR make their money by taking some of the money paid to them for the excursions and then just cut you a check.  So essentially a HMR is like registering for cash, which to me is not ok.  

I agree with your God Mother it isn't the best tactic, especially for a bridal shower.  I think you'd be surprised at the things you could register for.  Try going to BBB or Macy's and starting one just to see what you come up with.  You could always upgrade a few things you already have or find some fun quirky things that you didn't even realize you would want.  

You could try registering for a few things for the wedding but if you don't get them for the shower make sure to remove them before the wedding so that you don't end up getting them as wedding presents.  That would be awkward.  

Ali092011

Decline the shower.

froggatt.clare

My FI and I have been living together for as long as you two have, and I am amped to register for the shower and wedding.  Go to the registry discussion board, they have a huuuuuuuge list of things to register for and upgrade.  Seriously.  If you want a shower, you will find plenty of things to create a registry.

Since a shower is a physical gift giving event, I doubt people would even use your HM registry.  People like giving physical gifts at showers, not buy a zipline trip or scuba lessons (which they really aren't buying you anyway, PPs have already gone into why honeymoon registries are frowned upon on the E board.)

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-57?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76947dd-94e6-4939-ae73-d5f62ccae914Post:3ade2e01-c866-493b-86ae-44133d2d8f2d">Re: Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Decline the shower.
Posted by Ali092011[/QUOTE]

<div>Why?  She's just trying to work out logistics and get feedback on what ideas are ok.</div>

RebeccaB88

Your godmother is a wise woman.  If you don't want gifts, you don't get a shower. Period.  If you want the shower, you need to go register.  Trust me, you can find plenty of stuff if you just think ahead past those two years. 

Honeymoon registries are a scam and a ripoff.  Not to mention, it's pretty damn rude to shake your guests down for cash for something you should be paying for yourself.

Pburke2010

We're still in the very very beginning of planning and I"m overwhelemed with the questions that everyone is asking.  I am just trying to get feedback.  I know the point of a bridal shower.  I'm just trying to figure out what is appropriate.  I'm not stressing out over this (we haven't even found a reception site!-- we're in the VERY VERY early phases) I just wanted to get a feel of what is out there. 
I will probably go out eventually and look for gifts that we could use but can't really think of off the top of our heads.

The honeymoon registry is just an idea that was brought to us that we haven't looked into in depth yet. 

The thing is, we're saving for the honeymoon.  We both have pretty new cars, a new apartment, new things for the apartment (from christmas and our birthdays over the past two years), so it's hard.  We're not buying a house soon. I know that cash is rude, but I"m trying to find alternatives. 

Going out and shopping and seeing what's out there is a good idea. 

Thank you all for the feedback!

[Deleted User]

OP, if you want cash, don't come out and SAY so with a honeymoon registry. Just don't register, or only register for a few things. Then, when people ask your family where you're registered, they can say "They're not, but I hear they're saving up for a honeymoon" or "They have a small registry at ???, but they're also saving up for a honeymoon". People will get the hint and give you cash, which you can then use (commission-free!) towards your honeymoon!

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-57?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b76947dd-94e6-4939-ae73-d5f62ccae914Post:5707874d-5267-46af-a38b-765dcdad84cb">Re: Bridal Shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Shower? : Why?  She's just trying to work out logistics and get feedback on what ideas are ok.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

I just sounded to me like she was only registering for the honeymoon and that the shower would consist of her opening envelopes of honeymoon registry "gift cards." That made her feel uncomfortable, so why would she have one at all?

Now that she's looking for a traditional place to register, she should have a shower. :)

Pburke2010

Lissadelsol: That's what my mom said, she said that her and my dad registered for a lot, and they got a few, but people gave cash anyway.  (which they put toward a house, but they couldve used the registry stuff for the house...)

We will see, like I said, we've been engaged 2 and a half weeks.  my MOH asked me and I was concerned because of my situation, but thanks for all the input.

This is definitely overwhelming at first! 

Pburke2010

Just an fyi: Honeyfund.com is a honeymoon registry that is FREE.  They direct your guests to pay YOU not them.  So therefore they don't charge anything to your guests.  It is just to let guests know that this is what you plan to spend it on.  The company never handles the money (you can tell guests to send you a check, cash or paypal). 

While we will be doing a registry (we shopped around and there are options) this is also a nice way for those who just want to give cash.  

I just wanted to post this in case other people were thinking of honeymoon registries.  this one doesn't charge like others.