Friend books her event same day as my event? what should I do?

cmedina13

thanks for all the advice. moving on. No need to ruin a friendship.

ZRex

Be the bigger person.  This isn't worth ruining a friendship.

Knittibell

I would say first off that there is nothing happening here worth ending a friendship over.

Have your invites gone out yet for your engagement party? If they have I'd just say to her- "oh, did you know that your bach party is the same night as the engagement party? Is there any way you can switch your date because my invites already went out, and I had cleared the date with you in advance, since I really want you to be there, and also would hate to miss going out with you for your bach party!"

maybe there's a reason she had to go with that date. In the end, although it may not seem like it now, Engagement parties and Bach parties are really NOT that big of a deal. She didn't plan her wedding on your wedding day. There really isn't any spotlight TO BE stolen.

I think you're just stressed and over-reacting to something that would certainly be a little disappointing, but definitely not worth getting angry about or ending a friendship over.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-books-her-event-same-day-event-should?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b7bc73dc-3e55-413d-8ca4-b39bf88fb559Post:56adb1ac-36b7-4cce-94dc-29592efcf27c">Friend books her event same day as my event? what should I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a girlfriend that got engaged a couple of months after me and both of us have been planning events in parallel. She is getting married in August where I am getting married in March. My bridal party is hosting an engagement party for me at the end of the month. Before I agreed to the date, I checked with my friend to make sure she didn't have anything planned before her wedding. I gave her the option of two days so that I could go with the date she didn't pick. She wanted a girls night out and originally planned it for the weekend before. Because her fiance is in town that weekend, she changed the girls night out to the same day of my engagement party. <strong>I don't think she realizes it's a big deal</strong>, but now our friends have to choose which event to attend. She was planning on attending my event and then going out with girlfriends. I don't know if I overreacting but I feel like a real friend would not have done that. I would have respected her date and not changed my date to give her the spot light on her day and make sure she didn't feel like anyone was taking away from her event. What should I do? Should I say something to her? Should I not care and let it roll off my back? The other issue is that she called a couple of days ago looking for a dj for her wedding and since my fiance is in business as a dj, he agreed to do her wedding last minute as a favor to me. After he heard about what happened, he doesn't want to do the gig anymore. Again, should I be the bigger person and convince him to still do this for her or tell her she can find someone else. I realize whatever action I take could end our friendship and make it awkward for all of our girlfriends. need some advice
Posted by cmedina13[/QUOTE]

She doesn't realize that it's a big deal because it's not.  Neither engagement parties nor girls nights out are important.  If she's planning to attend both then that means the other girls can too.  She had a reason for changing so it's not like she just did it to spite you.  And it's not like she scheduled it for the day of your wedding.  You need to let this go.  Saying something to her will only cause drama, and your FI backing out on his committment to be her DJ is very childish.

Stackeye210

I think you're over reacting.  If your friend plans to come to your event and then do hers afterwards then why can't everyone do it like that?  And yes, your FI should still DJ the wedding - this girl is still a true friend and believe it or not is not back stabbing you in anyway. 

You should pick your battles about wedding things, and someone planning a night out that starts after your engagement party is not a battle worth engaging in.  Just relax. 

danieliza1127

I really don't think this is something to risk ending a friendship over.  The engagement party and her girl's night out, whatever that is for, just aren't that important in the grand scheme of things.  Throw your party, invite who you want to invite.  She can throw hers and invite who she wants to invite.  Yeah it kind of sucks that they're on the same night, but your friends can go to both or just come to yours or whatever.  I definitely wouldn't let your FI back out of doing her wedding just over this, that is very unprofessional on his part.

baystateapple

Shrug it off.  It doesn't sound like a deliberate slight on her part, and she's making a nice gesture by saying she'll attend your party, rather than just skipping it for her girls' night out.  I wouldn't say anything.

ehathewa

There are worse things.  One of my best friends chose to have her wedding on the same day as mine.  I am mostly very sad that my parents and I will not be able to attend her wedding and she and her parents will not be at mine. 

I also think it was sort of a dumb move on her part because I had already told everyone the date of my wedding, so all of our mutual friends (about 25 people) will be attending my wedding. 

Oh well.  We still chat and talk about wedding plans.  We also threw her a shower so the mutual friends could still celebrate with her.  No need to ruin a long-time friendship... but I'm still a little bummed. 

tldh

1.  It's very rude to delete your post - you are not the only person who may have this particular problem
2.  It doesn't do you any good to delete it once someone has copied it