Rehearsal Dinner

btrflykate1230

FI and I want to have our rehearsal dinner at this great Mexican place about 10 minutes from our ceremony venue.

The only "problem" (or is it?) is that the restaurant is in the same hotel that some of our OOT guests will be staying. The only people invited to the rehearsal dinner are the WP and their SOs, as well as our parents and the officiant. We just can't afford to have anyone else. The restaurant does have a private meeting space, so we wouldn't be in the main restaurant.

Would it be terribly rude to do this? FI and I are worried that we might run into some of our guests and it could be an awkward situation. Should we just find another restaurant to have our rehearsal dinner or do you think it would be okay?

banana468

Is it possible to have a private space?

What you're doing makes sense - but I can understand that it can come across as rude to some guests.  Is it possible use a different entrance or space?

picoult81

I would hope your guests would understand that the rehearsal dinner isn't for everyone.  Being that it is not in the main part of the restaurant, you should be fine.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b89e0eca-b4c9-4836-8306-7ee461446f53Post:ce0650e1-b9ad-43a8-a760-517c50a87e3b">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it possible to have a private space? What you're doing makes sense - but I can understand that it can come across as rude to some guests.  Is it possible use a different entrance or space?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

We'd have a completely private space, so the main restaurant guests wouldn't have access to our space. We would share a bathroom with regular customers though, which is what FI and I are concerned with.

squirrly

With the private space, I think you're good to go.  But, I'd avoid having them put up a sign or anything.

jasmineh7777

I try to avoid awkward situations at all costs. Is there another restaurant that would work for you? If not, you are probably fine. Although I see where you are coming from.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b89e0eca-b4c9-4836-8306-7ee461446f53Post:757a6488-c172-4a15-b17a-92279d47129a">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I try to avoid awkward situations at all costs. Is there another restaurant that would work for you? If not, you are probably fine. Although I see where you are coming from.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

It's just really convenient to have it there (about 50% of the WP is from OOT and will also stay at this hotel), plus the food is delicious.

Thanks for the advice so far! I didn't even think of the signage issue, so thanks Squirrly!

mandysmear

I'd do it.  People know that rehearsal dinners exist, if I came upon a rehearsal dinner in which I was going to the wedding the next day.  I would say hi to the bride and groom and then go back to my table.

mandysmear

Oh and just to add... I'd go back to my table not feeling left out or anything. 

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b89e0eca-b4c9-4836-8306-7ee461446f53Post:0cb1f524-7225-4c1b-a1ad-de61d407f6b9">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd do it.  People know that rehearsal dinners exist, if I came upon a rehearsal dinner in which I was going to the wedding the next day.  I would say hi to the bride and groom and then go back to my table.
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Yep, this, exactly.    I've never been insulted that I wasn't invited to a RD for a wedding I wasn't in.  (That's a lot of negatives in one sentence!  Sorry.)

khornack

You could consider AFTER your rehearsal dinner, hosting a few appetizers (or a couple pitchers of margarita) and letting everyone know that you will be down there and they are welcomes to join you guys for drinks. If you ask the restaurant, they may throw in a couple appetizers for free since you have blocked rooms and are having your rehearsal dinner there.  You can include those who are out of town guests without really having to host them.

But as you are having the rehearsal dinner in a private room, I think most people understand that most people can't afford to host all of their out-of-town guests. That tradition dates to when most people were from the same area, rather than a more mobile populace we have today.

banana468

Would it be possible to do drinks after?

I totally get that as an OOT guest I'm not invited to the RD.  The issue is that SOME people don't get that.

And yes, people do need to get over themselves but if I thought that one of those guests with the entitlement complex was in the hotel the night before the wedding, I'd do my best not to p!ss her off the day before I'd see her.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b89e0eca-b4c9-4836-8306-7ee461446f53Post:609a8375-8d66-466e-8c3f-821a5acee2b9">Re: Rehearsal Dinner</a>:
[QUOTE]Would it be possible to do drinks after? I totally get that as an OOT guest I'm not invited to the RD.  The issue is that SOME people don't get that. And yes, people do need to get over themselves but if I thought that one of those guests with the entitlement complex was in the hotel the night before the wedding, I'd do my best not to p!ss her off the day before I'd see her.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>We could meet with OOT the night before, but wouldn't be able to afford to pay for said drinks. Is that okay? I mean, then we get to see the OOT guests outside of the wedding.</div>

luckyme502

If you can have it in the private space, I don't see a problem.  I mean everyone knows that RD is going to happen, and they know they aren't invited, so what does it matter.  If I was an OOT guest and ran into you at the restaurant bathroom, I wouldn't be offended or anything.  The RD is for the WP and close family. 

khornack

If your rehearsal dinner is from 6-730, I don't see anything wrong with inviting OOT guests to come mingle with the bride and groom say from 730-830. I don't think there would be any expectation for you to pay for their drinks. Although you may be able to talk the restaurant into throwing in a few free (or half-priced) appetizers. Just avoid using the word 'hosting' so people don't think you are paying. As a guest I wouldn't expect you to.