Inviting the entire church?? (Sorry it is long!)

Ready2BMrsWade

Fi and I are getting married in the church we both currently attend, one that for many, many years has been attended by both of our grandparents. Because of this the ENTIRE church knows us, knows we are getting married, and most know we are getting married at the church. We wanted to have a smaller wedding mainly due to budget constraints but I have faced an interesting problem now. Some of the ladies in the church decided to throw me a bridal shower, these are ladies I see weekly in the choir and it just one of those things they just do. It hasn't happened yet but if it works anything like how the other various showers they have held, there will just be an open invite in the church bulletin for anyone who would like to come. But I hadn't planned on or budgeted for these extra people! I know etiquette states that any guests of pre-wedding parties should be invited to the wedding, but I have NO control over the guests to this party. So I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

On this same vein, the pastor marrying us has known my family for years, actually married both my aunt and uncle to their respective spouses, and he has 3 grown  (college aged) children who also go to the church. Do I need to invite them? They all live at home, but I am not close to any of them. Only even KNOW one of them really. But is it rude to not invite the pastors whole family? If these people we're his kids I wouldn't even think of inviting but since they are... I don't know. Sorry to be so long winded but I am just a little conflicted. Thanks!

strlzfan11

In some circles church showers are viewed similarly to work showers in that the shower guests don't have to be invited to the wedding.  In many cases it is acceptable to issue an announcement in the church bulletin the week prior to the wedding so that church members can choose to attend the ceremony if they so desire.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Church showers are really the exception to the rule. You should send thank yous, but you don't need to invite them. Also, if they know you're getting married in the church, some might show up to watch the ceremony, but they don't need an invitation to the reception. I know it seems to go against etiquette, but it really doesn't. I think most church showers are more like potluck parties anyway.

As for the pastor, no, I don't think you need to invite his children. Since they are over 18, they would get their own invitations anyway, and since you don't know them, don't worry about it.

salt78

1. You can decline a shower. Especially one where you feel like you have no control over party guests.

2. And no I don't think you need to invite the pastor's family if you don't want to. The pastor that married my dad in August has known my family for years and his family wasn't invited. 

baystateapple

If you are getting married in a church, the ceremony is considered "open", and anyone can come to it, even if they don't have an invitation.  You don't need to invite the whole church.  However, those people who you do extend an invitation to need to be invited to the reception as well, so keep that in mind.

You do not need to invite the pastor's whole family, but he should be invited with his wife if he has one.

I could be wrong about the shower etiquette, but if the shower was a surprise and you were not aware that it was being thrown, I don't believe you are obligated to invite those ladies to the wedding if you can't afford to.

waltzingmatilda13

Church bridal showers are generally an exception the mandatory invitation rule as well as the ceremony and reception rule. All the ladies in your church can come to the bridal shower, but you don't have to invite them all to the wedding reception.

Also, since church weddings are usually open to the public (the church being a public place) you can have your entire church congregation at the ceremony and issue reception invites to only those family and friend you want to attend.

Ready2BMrsWade

Thank you so much! I appreciate the input! I figured that some other church members would be at the ceremony, just because it IS at their church, however I didn't know if it was considered acceptable that these people not be invited to the reception.  The pastors wife is invited for sure, I just wasn't sure what would be required for his children. 

mattsdorothy

This happened to me (first marriage) except it wasn't my church, it was FMIL's church that we attended on occasion. FMIL's church friend's threw me a bridal shower and FMIL wanted an invitation to go in the church bulletin. We had a large guest list already, and the  wedding venue and the reception venue simply could not hold potentially 25 - 75 more people. I ended up sticking to my guns and saying no open invitation in the church bulletin, and it was fine. I hated to have to choose between what I consider two iffy etiquette moves: not inviting people from a bridal shower and inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception. The women at the church throw bridal showers all the time for their members and their members' children that get married. I felt more comfortable with not inviting them once I knew that, but it having to make those decisions at all isn't fun.
Since this is your church and you attend regularly and seem involved, if you are comfortable with issuing separate reception invitations, I think that may be the best solution to this problem,  unless you think that people will be offended at not being invited to the reception.

Storytime

We're having our reception with family and close friends, and then having a potluck with anyone from my FH's church who wants to celebrate with us.  It gives them a chance to celebrate with us and the people they know, it takes the pressure off us to feed them expensive food, it takes the pressure off them to buy us expensive gifts, and it doesn't leave anyone out from celebrating.