BM breakdown?

packlite

So, I thought all my questions and worries were over, considering i get married THIS WEEK.  What was I thinking?  FI and I arrived in town yesterday for our wedding and hedaed to a late lunch with my family.  My sister/BM is going throguh a really bad divorce - she missed my shower and bach. party a few months ago because the separation had just happened and she was really down - I understood that and made no issue of it whatsoever.

Yesterday, she came out to meet us for lunch and ended up in tears at the table and walking out. She told me that she just was reminded with all the family together that her ex was no longer there and it was really over.  She called again today in tears but didnt want company or to come out of the house with us.

Part of me wants to say geez suck it up, and the other part of me wants to be compassionate b/c I know this isn't easy.  Thing is, this week is going t be INSANE and really don't have it in me to "be there" how I should.  I am also worried that she might breakdown or be in tears at the wedding. 

Should I be worried?  Should I say or do anything?  Maybe I am just super stressed with things to do and worried about this...IDK

Snippylynn

Um, I'm going to guess she's going to have a breakdown during your ceremony.  You might want to talk to her about how hard this is going to be for her, and ask if she's sure she doesn't want to do something different for the wedding.

JadziaDax

Wow, i'm sorry you and your sister are going through this. I would actually be very worried about her since she sounds extremely depressed, and would take this very seriously. Maybe you can find some time to talk to her, or maybe one of your family members can go check up on her. I know you have a lot going on but I don't think she should be alone right now.

cupcakesfrosting

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bm-breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b9c7449a-a17f-41ea-b216-b96a2a0e465fPost:8a9c47c3-c76e-4983-9963-fdd5cbc3b7e3">Re: BM breakdown?</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, I'm going to guess she's going to have a breakdown during your ceremony.  You might want to talk to her about how hard this is going to be for her, and ask if she's sure she doesn't want to do something different for the wedding.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

This..

[Deleted User]

I would just try talking to her. I can see how you feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. She is your sister and is going through a tough time, but then again getting married is a happy occassion and you want to be happy, not to mention all the last minute things.

Is there any way she could help you with the things you have to finish up so that will maybe take her mind off of things. What about a day at the spa for just the two of you to help her de-stress and brighten her spirits up for your wedding?

If all else fails, I would just tell her nicely that you really have to get things done for your wedding and while you feel for her and want her to be a part of your day, you have to move on. I am not saying kick her out as a BM, but that you don't have time to sit around and be sad with her even though you feel for her, kwim?

packlite

thanks ladies - i did offer her to join me for spa day and she declined b/c she has to work.  my parents have let me know that i should not worry and they will be there for her this week and i should focus on the wedding.  it sucks b/c i wish that she could celebrate with us and if this one small random lunch was not possible i don't know how R and RD and ceremony and reception will be. 

packlite

i defintely am not thinking suck it up, nor would i say it, but i just know that there have been many times that i was an emotional wreck and "sucked it up" to be there for someone else or get through work or whatever.  i am ceratainly compassionate but struggling with the situation and what to say.  i don't want her to think that i don't want her there, but i also would rather avoid a breakdown at the wedding or during ceremony and rehearsal. 

this isn't the first celebratory event where the focus shifted to her, so i think that's where the suck it up came from.

brookelynpaisley

Then maybe it's best you talk to her and let her know that if she thinks this is too difficult, that maybe she'd prefer the role of guest and have more privacy in dealing with her emotions. I know you want to be able to say "this is a happy day for us, and I don't want breakdowns."

I guess I don't know what I'd do. It's a difficult situation. I'm sorry that you're both going through it.

JennaV26

One of my BMs has been going through a really rough time all year and she didn't even show it on the wedding day or the night before at the RD.

I agree that you might want to have a sit down with her and just let her know that you understand how hard it might be for her to participate in a wedding while she's going through a divorce and just let a conversation evolve from there. She'll probably still want to be there for you and I'm sure (well, I'm hopeful) that she won't get overemotional on your wedding day or will excuse herself if she does.