Wedding Etiquette Forum

Changing my wedding date...

I already booked the venue, but I find out that it's on the same day as the college graduation.  There isn't many hotels in this town, and the only two I find acceptable for my out of town guests are BOOKED!  Otherwise it's a 50 minute drive to a decent resort hotel.

We are hoping to change the date to the following weekend (if the venue allows and it's not already booked.  Nothing was booked in that time a few weeks ago) but when we mention this to my fiance's mother, she wants us to wait until next month when she finds out ithe date of the convention she will be attending which is usually in May, but could be in June. 

I'm afraid of waiting that long to change the date on the venue, plus our save the dates should have been sent out a long time ago.

Am I out of line to book the date like NOW?  I can't check with everybody to see if our wedding date fits their schedule or summer plans.  But I would hope her son's wedding is more important than a convention.  She's already got me feeling bad about having a photographer at our wedding since she is major cameraphobic, and guilty about having even just 35 people because she has a social phobia issue.

Re: Changing my wedding date...

  • In my opinion, this woman should hold her son's wedding higher up on her priority list than a convention that may or may not conflict with the wedding date. 

    I would book a new date NOW! I'd be afraid of things filling up - June is such a popular wedding month.

    I would talk to her about the issues she's having and let her know you want to do anything you can to make her feel comfortable, but remember this is your wedding after all. 

    What does FI say? 
  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Is she REQUIRED to attend this convention for work?  If so, she has a valid point.  I have one that I have to attend unless I'm dead.  If she has to be there she could be put in a very sad position if she had to choose her job or son's wedding.

     If she isn't required to attend, I think FI should explain to her that there will be a flurry of engagements over Christmas and people will start calling around for venues and vendors.  If this was any other time of year I would say you could wait but with the holidays and engagement rings gifts I think you should be a bit more proactive than a month.

    Why don't you call your venue today, find out what is open right now and go from there.

    ETA:  I see your wedding is only 6 months away.  You need to make sure all of your vendors can accomodate a date change, not just the venue.  That's a bit of a short time to be changing the date by a week or so.
    Several years ago my youngest stepdd got engaged at 17 and chose her wedding date and made all the plans with her mom before she told her father.  Turns out I was scheduled to attend a military NCO academy at that time and it was non-negotiable that I be there.  stepdd changed her date.  Those things can happen but hopefully your FMIL won't be in a position like that.
  • I would definitely look into whether your vendors/venue can do the change now! If you don't, you likely could miss out on the date as if it isn't booked, it likely will be quickly. As long as this convention isn't a REQUIRED aspect of her employement, I wouldn't feel the need to work around it... I would hope her son's wedding would be higher on her priority list then a convention if she had the choice...
  • Talk to your FI.  This is his mother.  If it were your mother, I'd say you can make that call, because you know how valuable her relationship is, and how best to react to all these major concessions she wants.  But this is HIS mother, so go talk to him.
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  • Is there any way she could find out the date of the convention sooner?  If it is any large organization they are usually planned well in advance.  Maybe going to the conventions/sponsering organizations webcite and see if the date is listed. 

    Do not feel bad about having a photographer or 35 people at the wedding.  Just tell the photog no picture of FMIL.  It sounds like you have tried to accomodate her social phobia.  Good luck!

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  • I had to plan my wedding around a convention that my mother is requred to go to as part of the volunteer fire department she is in.  The convention is in her fire district, hosted by her fire company, and has almost all companies from eastern NY.  So, I get the planning around her schedule.  But, the RD is at the firehouse, and the hotel is always booked (every single year) by the firefighters who attend.  NBD - we planned it for the weekend earlier, which ended up working out for FI's family, and means we are not the same weekend as HS graduations.

    OP - with only 35 people, I do hope you can change venues - my worry would be the photographer, so I hope all goes well!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_changing-wedding-date-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba41491e-1c54-4351-862c-af34227b0d9cPost:4398724d-7da4-45e7-a69b-2055d9a6df6e">Re: Changing my wedding date...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is she REQUIRED to attend this convention for work?  If so, she has a valid point.  I have one that I have to attend unless I'm dead.  If she has to be there she could be put in a very sad position if she had to choose her job or son's wedding.  If she isn't required to attend, I think FI should explain to her that there will be a flurry of engagements over Christmas and people will start calling around for venues and vendors.  If this was any other time of year I would say you could wait but with the holidays and engagement rings gifts I think you should be a bit more proactive than a month. Why don't you call your venue today, find out what is open right now and go from there.
    Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

    This is the exact advice that I would give :)
  • I agree that you should talk to your fiance about it, and he should probably speak to his mother about it.  If she is required to attend the convention for work, then it would put her in a very awkward position if you re-schedule the wedding for that date.  Otherwise, I would hope that she would put her son's wedding before a convention.
  • I don't understand how she can even go to a convention if she has that big of a phobia around large groups of people.  I get it if she is required to suffer through for work, but if it's not required, there would be way more people at a convention than at your small wedding.

    I would check with all your vendors and book now if you can.
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  • It's a religious convention.  Not sure how many people attend that thing, but it's her kind of people so I'm sure she is more comfortable in that situation.  And about the camera, just having one in the room gets her all worked up. 

    I'm going to call the venue tonight when they open up and see if I can get it changed the following weekend when the hotels aren't booked up.   I have to have at least 5 rooms available for my out of town guests.

    The venue is the only thing I have booked.  I know I should have catering booked, but in this small town I don't know if I should be worried or not.  IIf there is nothing available, it's not like anybody would go hungry, there is always other options even if it's not ideal.
  • If  you know the title of the convention you could try googling it.  My SIL used to attend Women of Faith every year and that was booked a year in advance.  Just a suggestion.  Since this isn't work related, she may need to suck it up, buttercup.  Sometimes things come up in life that are a bit more important than a convention or religious retreat.  Good luck.
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