Wedding Etiquette Forum

Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows

Hello! The hubby and I have decided to renew our wedding vows on our 12yr anniversary in May 2014. I am so excited but yet frustrated to the max!!!! Let me break it down for you......In 2002 we elope at a courthouse. At that time money was funny. With that being said I did not have a wedding, dress, cake,reception,honeymoon,bridal shower or anything for that matter. Now we are at place to where we could afford to have the ceremony,reception, honeymoon, & ect......Everyone in my family is telling me what I can or can't do since I am already married!!! For instance a relative of mine tells me,"you know April you are not allowed to have a bridal shower, receive wedding gifts, or anything that a new bride would receive because you are already married, and it is just not the same for you." Then another relative of mine tell me,"April it is your day. You can have anything you want!" Smh! All I want is the wedding I always wanted to have is it such a crime in wanting to experience that moment??????! The only difference is now the husband and I have our children to include in this wedding. I need help! What is the right/wrong way???? Does it really matter????????? what is your opinion on this topic.
PS. I dont want any bridal showers, gifts, or the things you do before you get married. However I do want to experience the bridal gown shopping, wedding photo pictures, cake tasting, flower arrangements and the whole nine yard of the wedding. Please keep harsh comments to yourself, I dont mind you telling me the real but dont disrespect me in the process. Thanks!!!

Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows

  • 1.  I do not understand your title.

    2. How is 2014 your 12 year anniversary when you were married in 2010? 

    3.  Relative #1 is right.

    4.  I cannot "tell you the real" without being harsh, I don't think.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:1c174686-b3f8-4290-9f27-7a4103bec1d5">Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello! The hubby and I have decided to renew our wedding vows on our 12yr anniversary in May 2014. I am so excited but yet frustrated to the max!!!! Let me break it down for you......In 2010 we elope at a courthouse. At that time money was funny. With that being said I did not have a wedding, dress, cake,reception,honeymoon,bridal shower or anything for that matter. Now we are at place to where we could afford to have the ceremony,reception, honeymoon, & ect......Everyone in my family is telling me what I can or can't do since I am already married!!! For instance a relative of mine tells me,"you know April you are not allowed to have a bridal shower, receive wedding gifts, or anything that a new bride would receive because you are already married, and it is just not the same for you." Then another relative of mine tell me,"April it is your day. You can have anything you want!" Smh! All I want is the wedding I always wanted to have is it such a crime in wanting to experience that moment??????! The only difference is now the husband and I have our children to include in this wedding. I need help! What is the right/wrong way???? Does it really matter????????? what is your opinion on this topic. PS. I dont want any bridal showers, gifts, or the things you do before you get married. However I do want to experience the bridal gown shopping, wedding photo pictures, cake tasting, flower arrangements and the whole nine yard of the wedding. Please keep harsh comments to yourself, I dont mind you telling me the real but dont disrespect me in the process. Thanks!!! thanks
    Posted by howardalways30[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>1.) Excessive use of punctuation in your post is annoying.</div><div>
    </div><div>2.) If you are going to tell people how to post, then you should consider going elsewhere. It will make people WANT to be harsh. </div><div>
    </div><div>3.) Your first relative is correct. You also don't get a bridal party, first dance, cake cutting, etc. You made your choice when you got married in 2010. Live with it.</div><div>
    </div><div>

    </div>
  • Aaah, J, you beat me to it. 
  • edited July 2012
    You already had a wedding. You could have chosen to wait four years and have the wedding you dreamed of, but you chose not to do that. So relative #1 is right. You are not a bride, you are a wife. If you still want a vow renewal, OK, though I'm not crazy about a vow renewal at 4 years just because, but if you do this, no big pouffy dress (maybe a simple white gown), no WP, no tosses, etc. Just have a nice party without being over-the-top.

    ETA: I also don't get how your 12 year anniversary is in 2014 when you married in 2010. Am I missing something?


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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I don't understand the math.
    Lizzie
  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:df91a4ed-6034-4c59-9f00-5c26aa8f5287">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows : 1. A wedding is when you get married.  A lot of people may take offense to this. 2. She is right, but you don't want that anyway (so you say) 3. All the stuff you want to experience <strong>a lot of people are going to say would be for a wedding</strong>, whixh you already had.  Not a vow renewal. 4. You can't tell people how to post.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    But what does EDIE say?  Hmmmm?

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • I just posted a couple of links for you on your post on the wedding classifieds board of the proper way to host a vow renewal and what the dos and don'ts are. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:27dd4a7d-e2d6-49c3-a07e-d257aaba7418">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just posted a couple of links for you on your post on the wedding classifieds board of the proper way to host a vow renewal and what the dos and don'ts are. 
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]

    Again, (again as in I did in another thread) what is the point of telling someone in this thread that you responded in another thread they posted?

    I mean, i fyou want to say "it's poor internet etiquette to post on multiple boards without an XP in the title" then just say that.

    But I also don't understand why putting an "XP" suddenly makes it ok, and not having it is such a BFD.  Sometimes it's logical to post in more than one place.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • You already had a wedding. You can't have another one unless you first get divorced. I don't get vow renewals when it's not for a milestone 25 or 50 years anniversary. If you insist on having a vow renewal in 2014 treat it like an elaborate party, not a wedding. No wedding party, pre wedding parties, registering for gifts. Keep the dress simple and play down the wedding parts as much as possible.
  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    I don't get the math either.

    Sorry sweetheart, but you gave up a lot of that stuff when you eloped.  You can have a party, that's fine - and you can even have a DJ and a photographer and flowers if you want - but no poufy wedding dress, no cake cutting, no first dance, no bridal showers, no garter toss, etc.  

    I also don't really like vow renewals after 4 years just because - to me they are for milestones or after you have a really bad fight and finally reconcile.  But whatever.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • hoffse, dude, fix your ticker, yo.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:20a26444-e5cc-4861-a542-a9483b0482a6">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows : Again, (again as in I did in another thread) what is the point of telling someone in this thread that you responded in another thread they posted? I mean, i fyou want to say "it's poor internet etiquette to post on multiple boards without an XP in the title" then just say that. But I also don't understand why putting an "XP" suddenly makes it ok, and not having it is such a BFD.  Sometimes it's logical to post in more than one place.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    Eh.. the OP posted on her post on the classifieds board that she was new to the boards and didn't really know where to post, I told her she would get honest answers posting here on E.  But, I wasn't willing to recopy & paste the links, but thougth I'd point her in that direction in the event she was interested in reading the articles.  
  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:bef91018-665f-40f8-8049-7c3e8bf5fadf">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]hoffse, dude, fix your ticker, yo.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Haha I will once I start losing weight again - totally fell off that wagon this summer...</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:2c4e2a3b-6dce-4059-9d87-cb9fe740e1fe">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows : Haha I will once I start losing weight again - totally fell off that wagon this summer...
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

    Dude!  Then get rid of it.  It's an eyesore in its current state.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • My head hurts from trying to read this...

    OP, please use propper English when posting, anything less makes it extremely difficult to read.  Since this is a message board where we can only go by what you type, making it correct goes a long way into getting more helpful answers.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:2c4fced2-1546-4b8f-8c70-0e85a1800c2b">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows : 1.) Excessive use of punctuation in your post is annoying. 2.) If you are going to tell people how to post, then you should consider going elsewhere. It will make people WANT to be harsh.  3.) Your first relative is correct. You also don't get a bridal party, first dance, cake cutting, etc. You made your choice when you got married in 2010. Live with it.
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]
    Wow! how cute! too funny! live with it hahaha
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:5695d4ef-dccb-4247-83a9-f794df0e676d">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows : Wow! how cute! too funny! live with it hahaha
    Posted by howardalways30[/QUOTE]

    Here we go again... 
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:d02c0738-fe9a-4ca2-bf19-817ef47b793a">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]You already had a wedding. You could have chosen to wait four years and have the wedding you dreamed of, but you chose not to do that. So relative #1 is right. You are not a bride, you are a wife. If you still want a vow renewal, OK, though I'm not crazy about a vow renewal at 4 years just because, but if you do this, no big pouffy dress (maybe a simple white gown), no WP, no tosses, etc. Just have a nice party without being over-the-top. ETA: I also don't get how your 12 year anniversary is in 2014 when you married in 2010. Am I missing something?
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    I like your comment!!! Out of all comments yours were the best.  You was honest with me & not disrespectful. You kept it real. Also I did not proof read (as you can see from the post) I married on 05/2002 sorry! But thank you!
  • Your wedding ship has sailed.  You are not a bride.  I think vow renewals in any situation are pointless.  Do the vows expire?  Do they have less meaning after time? 
  • Sorry! I married May 2002! I was not trying to tell anyone how to post. If you'd took my post offensive or impersonal I think you might have woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I do not mind the "REAL" comments because apparently I ask you for your thoughts. The only thing I am asking is for whoever reponding to the post, to please do not become disrespectful toward  me. You would'nt want anyone disrespecting you on your post and I for one will not do it towards you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:27dd4a7d-e2d6-49c3-a07e-d257aaba7418">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just posted a couple of links for you on your post on the wedding classifieds board of the proper way to host a vow renewal and what the dos and don'ts are. 
    Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
    Thank you!!
  • I feel like I like the ones that come back on a rampage better.

    I'm not sure what to do with this one.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Poke it some more.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:eebea443-7159-48fc-85e1-834d4aa11eff">Re:Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]You already had a wedding. You can't have another one unless you first get divorced. I don't get vow renewals when it's not for a milestone 25 or 50 years anniversary. If you insist on having a vow renewal in 2014 treat it like an elaborate party, not a wedding. No wedding party, pre wedding parties, registering for gifts. Keep the dress simple and play down the wedding parts as much as possible.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
    Thank you!
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:fafce9d0-2988-483f-8b46-27e430d75cd9">Re: Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows :
    Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]
    Thanks for the corrections and your comment. lol cute
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tell-me-the-real-may-2014-renewal-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc55add6-b81f-4d99-aa96-88aa72e285afPost:eebea443-7159-48fc-85e1-834d4aa11eff">Re:Tell Me The Real! May 2014 Renewal Vows</a>:
    [QUOTE]You already had a wedding. You can't have another one unless you first get divorced. I don't get vow renewals when it's not for a milestone 25 or 50 years anniversary. If you insist on having a vow renewal in 2014 treat it like an elaborate party, not a wedding. No wedding party, pre wedding parties, registering for gifts. Keep the dress simple and play down the wedding parts as much as possible.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
    Thank you for the feed back!
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2012
    You can't really have a wedding with the big dress and all that since you're already married. I skipped kindergarten and missed that experience, but I can't exactly saunter into a room full of 5-year olds and start fingerpainting and counting to 50.

    You can have a vow renewal, not a fake wedding. Some people buy a nice dress for their vow renewal, but you don't cut cake or anything like that. Some people might bring gifts.

    I don't understand the point of a vow renewal when it isn't a milestone anniversary (25 and 50 years). I will always think of situations like yours as do-overs, pretty princess days, attention grabbing, etc. I'm sorry you didn't get the wedding you wanted, but life is full of decisions and consequences.

    Then again, I don't understand the point of a vow renewal, period. Vows don't expire.
  • My dad & stepmom got married at the JOP with their 5 children as witnesses.  We all wore nice clothes, she had a small bouquet, and my oldest step-sister rang a small bell at the end.

    For their 10 yr anniversary they had a VR.  He wore a suit, she wore a champagne colored satin dress (not poofy ballgown).  She had a bouquet and they gave bouts & corsages to their parents and children.  He walked her down the aisle.  No pre-wedding hoopla, no gifts, no attendents/ushers/guestbook wranglers.  They had rented out a lodge for the weekend and paid for everyone's rooms, dinner both nights, breakfast both mornings and lunch on Saturday.  They also paid for an open bar and a DJ after dinner Saturday.  I think they danced alone for like a minute before turned it into a "longest married couples dance" and gave flowers to her mom & dad as a prize - I think thats the only real wedding-y type thing they did during the reception.  The people who went still talk about how fun it was several years later - it was more of a weekend family reunion where we took 20 minutes out of the day for my parents to renew their vows.

    Just remember that the minute that you invite guests that their comfort becomes a priority.  If some of your guests would find something tacky, rude, or distasteful, don't do it.  Relatives are telling you how they feel now because they care about you and would rather give you a harsh truth than lie to you and have you look tacky and rude, spend a lot of money and potentially be embarassed/upset when you find out that other people thought it was tacky, rude, and distasteful too.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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