eat and run guest at wedding!

blueskyy65

A co-worker that I invited to my bridal shower never RSVPd and when I asked her a few days before the shower she said to put her down as a yes but then never showed or called!  She made up an excuse and said that my shower gift is at her house but it has been two weeks and I still haven't seen it.  Now she found out that she will be having surgery three days before the wedding.  The surgery will require her to be out of work and off her feet for two weeks but she is telling me that she and her husband still plan to attend the wedding to eat and then they will leave.  We are having a semi-formal sit-down dinner that my fiance and I are paying for ourselves and I don't think it's right for us to have to pay for her and her husband to have dinner and then leave immediately after.  I think it is very rude and inconsiderate of her to suggest an 'eat & run' at my wedding!  We aren't even remotely close and she literally plans to eat a free dinner, drink free alcohol and then get up and leave!  What should I do?

janedoe1113a

If you're not close, why did you invite her?  And why would you invite her to your bridal shower especially?  The bridal shower is meant for close family and friends.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:f6a1ca50-77be-4245-be8f-9bf6dbd7ae60">eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]A co-worker that I invited to my bridal shower never RSVPd and when I asked her a few days before the shower she said to put her down as a yes but then never showed or called!  She made up an excuse and said that my shower gift is at her house but it has been two weeks and I still haven't seen it.  Now she found out that she will be having surgery three days before the wedding.  The surgery will require her to be out of work and off her feet for two weeks but she is telling me that she and her husband still plan to attend the wedding to eat and then they will leave.  We are having a semi-formal sit-down dinner that my fiance and I are paying for ourselves and I don't think it's right for us to have to pay for her and her husband to have dinner and then leave immediately after.  I think it is very rude and inconsiderate of her to suggest an 'eat & run' at my wedding!  We aren't even remotely close and she literally plans to eat a free dinner, drink free alcohol and then get up and leave!  What should I do?
Posted by blueskyy65[/QUOTE]

Dude, I don't think she's gonna show up. From what you say, she sounds really flakey anyway, and I seriously doubt that three days after surgery, when she's on doctor ordered bedrest, she's going to want to go to your wedding. She might RSVP yes, but it just doesn't sound to me like she'll come. And besides, what do you care if she eats and runs? After surgery, she won't be able to dance or whatever. I get that the concept is rude, but there's really not much you can do about it. And if you're "not remotely close" you shouldn't have invited her anyway, but I guess it's too late for that.

WildRumpus

I think if you invited her, you're SOL. You're mad because she's having surgery and doesn't want to sit and watch all of your guests dance after she finishing eating? Please re-read this and see how awful you sound. Think before you post.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:f6a1ca50-77be-4245-be8f-9bf6dbd7ae60">eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]A co-worker that I invited to my bridal shower never RSVPd and when I asked her a few days before the shower she said to put her down as a yes but then never showed or called!  She made up an excuse and said that my shower gift is at her house but it has been two weeks and I still haven't seen it.  Now she found out that she will be having surgery three days before the wedding.  The surgery will require her to be out of work and off her feet for two weeks but she is telling me that she and her husband still plan to attend the wedding to eat and then they will leave.  We are having a semi-formal sit-down dinner that my fiance and I are paying for ourselves and I don't think it's right for us to have to pay for her and her husband to have dinner and then leave immediately after.  I think it is very rude and inconsiderate of her to suggest an 'eat & run' at my wedding!  <strong>We aren't even remotely close</strong> and she literally plans to eat a free dinner, drink free alcohol and then get up and leave!  What should I do?
Posted by blueskyy65[/QUOTE]
Then why did you invite here?
It sucks I guess but there isn't really anything you can do.

september's bride

Well, that's what happens when you invite flaky people to important life events. Lesson learned, right?

zippityb

My friend and I left a wedding early one time, before dinner, because they had reserved tables at the reception which was upstairs, and overflow people had tables downstairs. We were overflow. So we downed a couple of free drinks and went and had dinner at Texas Land and Cattle. So their two meals for us went to waste. I don't feel bad about it at all.

mwhitson14

I don't see why this upsets you? We had a lot of guests do that, they didn't care anything for the toasts, cake cutting, etc. Especially since she just had surgery, it's not like she'll be able to participate in any of the dancing or mingling.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Well, she can't stick around and dance, so really, what do you think she's going to do?

amagwire

Like everyone has said, you just shouldn't have invited her if you didn't want to pay for her meal.  If she wants to eat and split, it's up to her.  No one is required to stay for the entire reception.   

Simply Fated

I can understand that due to office politics or what-not you'd invite her to your wedding. I mean, we don't know the whole story... I'm sure you have your reasons for inviting her...
but your bridal shower? That was kinda random...

Dude, she is having surgery... can you really blame her for not wanting to stay the whole time? It was kinda silly of her to mention she was planning to eat and run... she could have chosen better words. Had she said, "I can only stay for a bit.." or something a little better like that, then it probably wouldnt have crossed your mind that she was just coming for the free food, lol.

[Deleted User]

What the hell? Is she having brain surgery? I mean, why would she not want to sit around in pain and watch people get drunk? What a biitch. You should definitely key her car. Or at the very least, send her poop in the mail.

blueskyy65

In response to every single person asking why I invited her it's because I work in a small office (15 people) and I didn't want to leave anyone out.  I guess that my post doesn't make me sound too great (I'll give you that).  I wouldn't have any problem with a guest coming for dinner to celebrate and then leaving because of a personal reason but being here face to face with her (and knowing her) it doesn't seem like she wants to come to celebrate our wedding, it seems like she wants to show up to eat and then leave.  That is what I have the problem with.  The fact that she already no-showed at my shower and never bothered to RSVP with my MOH just makes me feel more upset and used.  I just don't think that it's right.  If she would say 'I can't wait to celebrate, I'll stay as long as I can...etc' then I would feel better, but to literally say 'We'll just have dinner and leave' doesn't quite come off right.  I guess I am SOL but I just thought I'd get some advice.....

zippityb

I work in a small office too, so I understand the need to invite everyone.

Maybe she's thinking that you will be happy that she even shows up for dinner. Like you would be more disappointed if she didn't show up at all, if that makes any sense.

blueskyy65

I guess I shouldn't have said 'not remotely close' (bitter words) but I just thought we were closer then for her to blow off my shower and then use my wedding as a date night...

blueskyy65

that makes a lot of sense and I keep telling her that I would understand if she didn't come, that I would want to stay in bed and recover.  It's a hysterectomy btw if that changes anyone's mind....

arbolita

Stop stressing yourself out about it.  You already invited her, so it's up to her how long she stays at your reception.  Think of it as one less person you have to worry about trying to spend time with during the reception.

ThePinkSuperhero

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:5ccca8c9-a453-4575-aebe-b7d090e19f6d">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In response to every single person asking why I invited her it's because I work in a small office (15 people) and I didn't want to leave anyone out.  I guess that my post doesn't make me sound too great (I'll give you that).  I wouldn't have any problem with a guest coming for dinner to celebrate and then leaving because of a personal reason but being here face to face with her (and knowing her) it doesn't seem like she wants to come to celebrate our wedding, it seems like she wants to show up to eat and then leave.  That is what I have the problem with.  The fact that she already no-showed at my shower and never bothered to RSVP with my MOH just makes me feel more upset and used.  I just don't think that it's right.  If she would say 'I can't wait to celebrate, I'll stay as long as I can...etc' then I would feel better, but to literally say 'We'll just have dinner and leave' doesn't quite come off right.  I guess I am SOL but I just thought I'd get some advice.....
Posted by blueskyy65[/QUOTE]

Newsflash: A lot of people come to weddings mainly for the things they get- the food, the drinks, the chance to hang out with the people they care about.  The party, in other words.  They may disguise it better than this woman you work with, but for a lot of people, it's hard to get excited over ooo-ing and ahh-ing over the bride and groom.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:8e59a805-22bd-4946-b430-1dbb4aea3142">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]that makes a lot of sense and I keep telling her that I would understand if she didn't come, that I would want to stay in bed and recover.  It's a hysterectomy btw if that changes anyone's mind....
Posted by blueskyy65[/QUOTE]

But clearly she DOES want to come. And you invited her, which means you want her to come, and she's coming, so I fail to see the problem. Your reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to your wedding, in etiquette terms, so her wanting to use it as date night is actually kind of the point. It sucks that she flaked on the shower, and I understand how you'd hear "we're peacing out after free dinner" and be upset, but in reality, what she's doing is fine. I'm sure there will be other guests who leave on the early side, they're just not announcing it to you beforehand.

ThePinkSuperhero

A hysterectomy 3 days before the wedding?  She's not coming.  No way!

FutureMrsTR

A hysterectomy??  My mom couldn't get off the couch by herself for days after hers, I doubt she'll actually get dressed up and come to your wedding.

zippityb

She might. I know someone who had one recently and she had the procedure on a Thursday and said she could have gone back to work that next Monday. I think now with laproscopy it's not that bad, but everyone has different recoveries.

blueskyy65

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:7069ec2a-998c-4aad-a7e7-42f24277a2ca">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]What the hell? Is she having brain surgery? I mean, why would she not want to sit around in pain and watch people get drunk? What a biitch. You should definitely key her car. Or at the very least, send her poop in the mail.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

LOL!!!!!  You sound like you've been burned before!!!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:64b4e080-97f5-4650-b83f-39fcfe09975e">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]She might. I know someone who had one recently and she had the procedure on a Thursday and said she could have gone back to work that next Monday. I think now with laproscopy it's not that bad, but everyone has different recoveries.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

Yeah, the laproscopy kind has a much quicker recovery time. My mom's was old school and she couldn't go back to work for 6 weeks. She felt fine after 3 or 4, but they didn't want her to catch anything and develop and infection. (Which is also why I had to be out of school for 3 weeks after my tonsilectomy.) So I'm thinking weddings might be out, regardless.

blueskyy65

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:b7c0eda8-a496-4460-9c3f-d1ff49548aab">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: eat and run guest at wedding! : Yeah, the laproscopy kind has a much quicker recovery time. My mom's was old school and she couldn't go back to work for 6 weeks. She felt fine after 3 or 4, but they didn't want her to catch anything and develop and infection. (Which is also why I had to be out of school for 3 weeks after my tonsilectomy.) So I'm thinking weddings might be out, regardless.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I can't imagine getting up 3 days after a hysterectomy, getting dressed, driving to a wedding and walking around from ceremony to reception.  I am worried about another no-show.  I know there is nothing that I can do about that, but still...

zippityb

The reason they don't want you driving a couple of weeks after the procedure is not because it will physically hurt you, but because of the pain medication.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eat-run-guest-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd1d4e19-2bbc-4a0a-9b3b-d6b7891d2fb0Post:f5e20da0-4390-49dd-9d3d-7c3fcc6e8b7e">Re: eat and run guest at wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: eat and run guest at wedding! : I can't imagine getting up 3 days after a hysterectomy, getting dressed, driving to a wedding and walking around from ceremony to reception.  I am worried about another no-show.  I know there is nothing that I can do about that, but still...
Posted by blueskyy65[/QUOTE]

Ok, this I get, but unfortunately short of making her sign a contract saying she will reimburse you if she doesn't feel up to it on the day (and umm, that's not a good plan), there's nothing you can do right now. Just hope she makes it, and if not then don't worry, newlywed bliss will take away the sting of her flaking last minute.