I don't want to dance with my dad.

sabatron

When I first got engaged, I asked my estranged dad if he would walk me down the aisle and dance with me, as per traditional protocol.  Fast forward 8 months... I really have no desire to dance with my dad.  We're not close, and to tell you the truth, I don't like him that much. He did nothing to help with the wedding and we barely speak. Is it completely terrible to renege the father/daughter dance? FI is not close to his mother and doesn't want to dance with her, either.  Can we just bypass the parent dances and not say anything? What's the right thing to do here?

baystateapple

Yes, especially if both you and FI want to not do them.  That's perfectly fine.

twilight.rose

You can skip it. We didn't do any parent dances, and nobody noticed or cared.

Your guests will probably be grateful to not have to sit through multiple spotlight dances.

georgia_bride09

You can skip the dances.

If you don't like your dad, why is he walking you down the aisle? Tradition, smashishion.

squirrly

Skip it.  And, walk yourself down the aisle.  I wouldn't have someone you dislike honored at the wedding.

PreppySailor

I am close with my dad, but we chose not to do the traditional parent dances. I did ask him to dance later in the reception and we did, but it wasn't announced by the DJ or anything.

Are you prepared if he does ask you for a dance?

sabatron

How do I back out of the dance? I already told him we would have one a couple months ago.  Can we just have the DJ skip over it and not mention anything to our parents?

georgia_bride09

Just call and tell him that you and your FI decided to skip all the dances except the first dance so you can move the reception along.

Still don't know why he's walking you down the aisle? 

sabatron

 I'm having both of my parents walk me down the aisle, and this is for purely political reasons.  My mom and dad had always been there for me, but after the divorce a couple years ago, my dad completely abandoned me and got really stalkerish/crazy with my mom.  I'm walking with both of them so as not to upset anyone or cause a scene.  I don't want to give my dad too much spotlight because he has done literally nothing for me the past couple years.

sabatron

I don't want to tell him we're skipping them because then he'll get all offended and ask why... I'm dreading the conversations.

georgia_bride09

It sounds like your dad doesn't deserve the right to walk you down the aisle and that by letting him, your dimishing the honor for your mom. That's just my opinion.

georgia_bride09

Sabatron, you can't have it both ways. Either call and tell him the dances are cancelled, or dance with him at your reception.

sabatron

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-dance-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd3dfc10-f81c-4c2e-ac39-9fede1cbe65bPost:00d53366-cc65-4c43-91fc-a676f50af7c1">Re: I don't want to dance with my dad.</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like your dad doesn't deserve the right to walk you down the aisle and that by letting him, your dimishing the honor for your mom. That's just my opinion.
Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

Possibly so...  But my dad's side would be deeply offended if he wasn't honored in some way.  I would like to have both parents walk me and then that be it.  My dad did a lot for me growing up, I just don't like who he's become.  I feel like his past with me should be at least somewhat recognized.  It's really complicated. 

noodle_oo

Yeah, skipping it is fine.  We skipped the parent dances and I walked myself down the aisle.  My dad never approved of our relationship so it would have been hypocritical to have him walk me down.

But you have to tell him since you already asked him.  Yes, it will be an uncomfortable situation. But since you asked him, you can't just have the DJ skip it.  That's very rude, especially if he was looking forward to it.  Don't be a coward, just rip the band aid off.  The sooner you tell him probably the better so he'll be over it by the wedding.

sabatron

So I absolutely have to tell him there won't be a dance?  Ughhh... So awkward. I guess this is growing up.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-dance-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd3dfc10-f81c-4c2e-ac39-9fede1cbe65bPost:ca26dc99-c7b6-46b9-bb4b-ae102be36194">Re: I don't want to dance with my dad.</a>:
[QUOTE]So I absolutely have to tell him there won't be a dance?  Ughhh... So awkward. I guess this is growing up.
Posted by sabatron[/QUOTE]

Yep.  I know how you feel, I had both of my parents walk me down the aisle because I didn't have strong enough feelings to deliberately hurt my father.  We skipped all parent dances, but I did dance with him (twice) at the reception when he asked.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-dance-dad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:bd3dfc10-f81c-4c2e-ac39-9fede1cbe65bPost:ca26dc99-c7b6-46b9-bb4b-ae102be36194">Re: I don't want to dance with my dad.</a>:
[QUOTE]So I absolutely have to tell him there won't be a dance?  Ughhh... So awkward. I guess this is growing up.
Posted by sabatron[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it may be awkward, but it's better that you have the conversation.  I don't think you need to get into all of the reasons.  You can say something like "FI and I decided not to have spotlight dances at the wedding other than our first dance."  If he asks why you can say that you didn't want to slow down the party at the reception or something like that.  You don't have to tell him your real reasons unless you really want to confront him with all of that (which it sounds like you don't).

lisalou402

Ugh, i don't want to dance with my dad either.  But I haven't talked to him about one.

My suggestion would be to just say:

"Me and FI decided to skip the parent dances"
make it about both of you, and don't make it Dad focused.

If my dad asks me, that's what I plan on saying.  Although my FI hasn't said whether or not he wants to dance with his mom.  I have 85 days to figure it out!!!!

Cpolli326

Oh, honey. Just skip the dances! You'll have to let him know ahead of time so he isn't straightening his tie and breaking your heart getting ready to dance with you, ya know? It'll be tough, but you'll be able to handle it.