Payment or gift?

Echo123

We're having a super budget wedding and a lot of our friends are chipping in to help out in whatever way uses their talents.  We don't know how to negotiate this because my first thought was to pay them (though we can't afford much and they are doing a lot out of friendship), and then I thought about giving them gifts, and then my mother convinced me to actually hire someone to lead the music (though 3 friends will be playing too).  So if I pay him, what do I do with the other three?  And what do I do for the photographers (2 friends)?  It just seems wrong to pay one and not the rest.

smokeybailey

Are your friends lending your their talents as a gift to you?  I could see a friend taking photos or singing for free as a gift (my sister's friend volunteered his and his wife's photog services in lieu of a gift).  Did you ask these people to help?  These things make a difference as to whether you pay them something, give a gift or just send a thank you card.

Also, if your budget is so tight, do you really NEED someone to lead the music?

Lisa8888

I don't understand why you are having this wedding/reception if you can't afford to pay for it and are relying on your friends. Your friends have to work at your wedding but you hire someone to lead the music? Yes it is wrong for you to pay one and not the rest. I also think it is wrong for you to have your friends work at your wedding.

You said before that you are 44 and your FI is 33. The two of you should know better.

myother1

You know your friends better than we do.  Are they going to be offended?  Do they even care?  Maybe they want to help?

How to answer all of these questions?!?

Oh right, communication.  Just talk to them.

superheroprincess

While it's great you have such talented friends please keep in mind that music and photography is a lot of work.  Not just the day of the wedding but before and after as well.  Maybe they're expecting payment?  As wedding photographers my FI and I still charge (a heavily discounted price) to our friends.

Musicians have to rehearse beforehand and even the best musicians still get nerves!

Photographers have to research poses, plan the shoot and make sure they don't forget any pictures.  After the wedding they need to edit all the pictures and that takes hours.

Also, the guests won't be able to just sit back and enjoy being guests, which isn't very fun.

A nice gift goes a loooong way and just keep in mind all the money you're saving even after buying a gift!

Ex: photographer usually $1500.00 and up for 1 shooter depending where you live.
       musician $100.00 and up depending on instrument

IMO: Not buying a gift for someone who spends that much time helping you is rude and makes you seem ungrateful so I would definitely give them a nice token (even if it's only small ex: coupons for free babysitting if they have kids, $50.00 gift card for restaurant..).

pokepoke27

Definitely give them a gift if you don't pay them!

Shel79

I'm a musician, and have played for weddings for several of my friends.  I have always been paid something, even if it wasn't the full cost of what I would normally charge.  I wouldn't have griped if they hadn't paid me, but I always thought it was classy and thoughtful that they did. 

Echo123

Thanks you guys!  That helped a lot.  I'll talk to them.  I was definitely going to give them gifts, but depending on what they say, I'll give them a check too.