Not asked to be involved in brother's wedding

evanquil

My brother got engaged before Christmas and they are getting married next May.  I have not been asked to be involved in the wedding at all, but my sister is a bridesmaid, her husband is a groomsman, and my other brother is an usher.  I'm feeling really upset about this, but I feel it would be really rude to ask them about it since it is their wedding.

I don't know what to do.

ggmae

Do you have a good relationship with your brother and his fiancee?

Learox87

That seems sort of odd. Did you and your brother have some sort of falling out?

andyandhillary

Are you close to the bride or even your brother?  Are you the only sibling left out?  I think it depends on a few more details.

I am having one of my FSILs in the wedding but not the other.  It's because I am much closer to the first one and the second one is 10 years older than me and when we got engaged I hardly knew her. 

evanquil

We have become a lot closer than we used to be as kids, but I have been away at college for two years so I feel like it's almost my fault that we don't have a super close relationship.  I don't really know his fiancee.  I definitely don't know her as well as my sister does.

evanquil

I am the only sibling that has been left out.

AmoroAgain

Just ask him? 

andyandhillary

I would talk about it with your brother.  Just mention to him that you are hurt that you weren't invited to participate in the wedding with the rest of your siblings.  Ask him if there was a particular reason for that. 

PsyDet 2155

Talk to your brother about it and ask him.

kkchisholm

I'd be really upset too. Sorry:(

ggmae

Okay, then if you are somewhat close with your brother I would just ask him what's up. Tell him that you are feeling left out and that you were hoping to be involved in some way.

The only things that my brother asked me to do for his quicky JP wedding back in December were to buy the: cake, champagne, and champagne glasses. He also put me on the spot when it was time to make a toast and told me I had to do it. Nice, huh?

Calypso1977

i worried about this with my husband's sister.  she wasnt in our wedding, simply because there was no role for her.  we chose, due to finances, to only have one attendant each.  so i asked my own sister (my only sibling) and H asked his brother.  this left his sister with no role.

i told my SIL that if we'd had a larger WP i would have asked her.  if we'd had readers, etc. i woul dhave asked her to do that.  we did include her and her FI in our rehearsal dinner, and they were both in a lot of our pictures that day.  it was the best we could do.

you could ask your brother what the scoop is, btu at the same time you dont want to make them feel obligated to create somehting for you to do if there isnt anything. 

evanquil

I would talk to him about it, but he and his fiancee are really weird when it comes to talking about their wedding.  And I don't want to interfere with what they want.  If they don't want me involved, that's their decision and I feel that I just need to suck it up and deal with it.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-asked-involved-brothers-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:beca4e51-f01f-4287-86e4-6acbd1c1e48dPost:975b2817-0922-4b4a-8d3d-731d88655a27">Re: Not asked to be involved in brother's wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I would talk to him about it, but he and his fiancee are really weird when it comes to talking about their wedding.  And I don't want to interfere with what they want.  If they don't want me involved, that's their decision and I feel that I just need to suck it up and deal with it.
Posted by evanquil[/QUOTE]

Okay, then, what did you want us to say? haha... If you don't want to ask him about it, and feel like you need to deal with it, I don't get the reason for this post.

Calypso1977

i think you hsould just assume that it isnt malicious.  they probably have a really good reason.  look at it this way, you'll save money by not being in it, and you can just show up and have a good time, wear what you want, and be stress free!

miss.jawright

I agree with Amoro. If you don't want to address the probelm you can only sulk and hope it solves itself. I recommend talking to him if it really bothers you but if it doesn't bother you enough to confront him than I would just try to let it go and enjoy the wedding as a guest.