It really does happen IRL

mwhitson14

I have a sorta friend getting married Monday at the courthouse, and not telling anyone. Then she's getting weddinged in December. Why did she decide to tell me? I have no idea. Apparently I inpsire people to tell my random things.

Sigh.

temerityjane

One of Buddy's former troops married the guy she had been living with (another military member) in a JOP ceremony but isn't taking his name until she gets her "real" wedding. She has a kid from a former marriage (or just relationship, not sure) and they'd been living together for a while. I don't know if they're telling their families that they're already married. There are a lot of benefits to making it legal when the military is involved, especially monetarily when it's military to military.

Even if it's not military to military, everyone knows that the miiiiilllitarry is a special caaaaaaaase.

Anyway. Not taking his name until she gets her real wedding!

The weirdest stuff does happen in real life.

Are you going to tell anyone, or keep it completely to yourself, whit? Don't you feel awkward knowing?

ExpatPumpkin

What's her reason for the courthouse wedding?

I'm actually open-minded about these things, if: a) they're HONEST about it, b) there's a GOOD reason (immigration, etc.) for the courthouse wedding...  

sucrets4

I was talking about this with my mom and how someone was paying x amount for health insurance.  She mentioned getting married first and I launched into the whole spiel about how they would HAVE to tell people if they did that.

mwhitson14

TJ, it is a military wedding, dingdingding! However, they have 4 months til he deploys, and his R&R happens in December. So I"m still a little confused why she's not just going ahead and planning a wedding for in a few months.

I've already told FI and my BFF, hehe.But that's it. I'm keeping my mouth shut! I advised her to at least be honest with everyone, but she says "they won't take the news well." ::shrug::

squirrly

Yeah, I don't get it.  I read/post on Military Brides from time to time, and there are some real gems over there.  There's even a post titled something about civilian brides just don't understand.  Uh, nope.  CAUSE IT'T CRAZY, and STUPID, and lots of other redic things. 

I mean, FI chose the Army.  He wasn't drafted.  I chose him.  Just like I chose a job wherein I have to carry a blackberry 24x7 and fix shiit at 3 am or during Thanksgiving dinner or whatever.  Nobody owes us anything extra.  Definitely not a fake wedding later so that we can get a little extra cash now. 

temerityjane

I'm going to just go ahead and say I'm a stickler about the military thing, and the military bride hot button of myself and several other military brides on this board has been pushed enough that we all know that lying is totally not necessary. You can JOP it, you can wait for your big wedding, or you can put together a VERY nice wedding on a tight time frame. Lying is never justified. So let's assume I totally went off on that tired old tirade. Heh.

temerityjane

squirrly - I can only read the military brides board until I stumble across someone telling someone else that they deserve their big white wedding, and you're right - that civilian brides don't understand. And the girls that are obviously marrying into the military for their new life of luxury. Hee!

mwhitson14

Yeah, the lying really does surprise me about her, she's usually very upfront and honest about things. But like you said TJ, you CAN put together a very nice wedding in a very tight timeframe, especially in a town like ours. Things don't book up early here, there are several good caterers, several florists, etc. Maybe money? I don't know.

temerityjane

whit - With the military, the temptation to get the legality over with is very big. If Buddy gets deployed while we're just engaged, his grandmother is the legal... everything. I'm no one, as the fiance. I don't have power of attorney, I'm not next of kin, I won't be contacted if he's hurt. We can't get on base housing since we're not married right now, I can't go on base to shop without him even though I shop for both of us, the insurance would be great, etc etc.

Now, none of that is life or death. Everything would be just sliiiiightly easier if we were married. He's adjusted his life insurance already so that I'm taken care of right now if anything should happen to him, and everything else just requires pain in the butt work arounds. If we were married, everything would be easier. So you see, getting married quickly is tempting. Not necessary.

There are some specific situations in which us getting married would be necessary and as of December 15th, we've passed any chance of them happening for us. For us, if they had happened, we would have gotten married and cancelled all wedding plans, period. That's just us, though. We would have done up something as nice as we could on short notice, though.

I don't know the details of your friends' situation, maybe it's one where they have to get married quick, but still, the lying is squicky, I don't see why the need to lie and do a repeat in any situation.

temerityjane

Psh I was wrong, Phil just told me we'll be past that point in February. LAME. Ah, well. Two more months of crossedy fingers.

ExpatPumpkin

Gotta go to dinner, girls.  Be back later to read the rest

mwhitson14

TJ, I totally understand that. They are both in the Guard, she is currently inactive attending school. I just assumed (and we know what happens when you assume ) that with a set deployment date (mid-April) that a quickie now wasn't necessary. But honestly, I'm fairly uneducated about military spousal benefits, despite my brother and FBIL being in the Guard.

shellydiane820

I don't get why they feel so entitled?  My friend is a military bride.  They had  JOP wedding, and later a private ceremony with immediate family (had the marriage blessed by a priest)

She realized that they needed a quick wedding, and told everyone they were married, and she has never even felt the need for a big princess day.

She's just glad they are married with two healthy kids.

Poor girl, just doesn't have her head on straight.

mwhitson14

Shelly, I feel like there is a face in the window of the car. Am I imagining things?

shellydiane820

oh, i think its the proof label at the bottom.  its sort of cut off.

mwhitson14

Ah haha ok.

squirrly

Yeah, it's the entitlement thing that gets me.  And, the whining about deployments.  Yes, they suck. But, you picked that life by picking that guy.  You don't get to whine about that.  Suck it up and deal. 

If FI had gotten deployment orders, we would have had a real wedding in a hurry, with whomever could attend.  And, a rockin' welcome home party when he got back - no white dress, though.  Just family, friends, booze, and food.  We're safe at this point, though.

dianenjnj

how nice of you to blab.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-happen-irl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bf07e471-92ca-4f4d-9301-a7353062c38ePost:ab421c1a-07bb-4183-9bc2-e714f72539bf">Re: It really does happen IRL</a>:
[QUOTE]how nice of you to blab.
Posted by dianenjnj[/QUOTE]

ZOMG I know, because a bunch of random people on the Internets are totally going to ruin this chick's big secret and she won't get a the big white wedding that she deserrrrrrrrrrrrrves!!!

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" /><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

dianenjnj

nb

riiiiight, like i was REALLY referring to imaginary "friends" on the internet....jeeez.