Two questions

jleigh1902

Long time lurker, first time poster (on E) here...

1. My mother seems to be under the impression that when addressing STDs to some of my cousins, that if they aren't engaged or living with their SO, that I should just put "& guest." Her logic is that they could break up. Obviously if they broke up between now and when invites go out, I wouldn't put their ex on the invite. Anyway, what is the proper way to address the STDs? Also, if I do include the guest on the STD, they break up, do I include "and guest" on the invite since I was accounting for that person anyway?

2. My mom asked me for a rough estimate for shower guests so when she starts looking at places,  she'll know where to start. FI and I both have female relatives out of state that are unlikely to come to the shower and then make a second trip for the wedding. Does inviting them to the shower (knowing they probably won't come) come off gift grabby or is not inviting them rude because just maybe they have money to throw around and will come?

Sorry if that was a bit long and technically more than 2 questions. I know you ladies will give it to me straight.

katiewhompus

1) We did not include numbers on the STD's. They simply said "Save the Date, Scott and Kristi are getting married May 1st" and that's it. Make sure you only send STD's to the people you are 100% inviting to the wedding.

2)I think if they are relatives or good friends it's fine to invite them. They may surprise you and come and aren't under an obligation to give a gift if they cannot. It's also better to estimate high so if you tell your mom 40 and only 25 can come that's fine.

rknox88

Save the Dates are usually a little less formal so if you are inviting your cousin Anna you can just address it to her.  Then when it is time for the invite to go out if she has a significant other you can address it to them both.  I always think you should try to avoid 'and guest' at all costs.  If you know a friend or family member is in a serious relationship make a point to find out that person's name. 

As for the shower I don't think it is gift grabby to invite family member and close friends that you don't think can make it.  It is nice to try to include them.  However, you old college friend, Susie, who you haven't seen in 5 years is definitely a no-no.  That seems gift grabby.

Catwoman708

I think you need to be fairly specific on STD, especially for OOT guests that will need to make travel arrangements.  You can put "and guest" or their name either one.  There are pros and cons for each, so just do what you feel most comfortable with.

For the shower, I would not invite OOT guests to a pre-wedding event, like a shower, unless it was a very close relative or friend, like your mother, sister, or BFF.  Even then, it's more of a courtesy invite.

orangecrayon

I got a STD for my cousins wedding, they had done magnets that said "Invitation to Follow" and it was a photo of the couple and a few lines down it had the wedding date.