Wedding Etiquette Forum

I feel so bad for my friend. :(

She and her Swedish boyfriend broke up last night.  She's still in his apartment because she can't go home just yet.  I know she didn't want to do it just yet, but things have been bad for them for a while.  I've told her she can come over here to live until she goes back and spend Christmas with her, but she seems so confused and upset right now. :( Boo. 

I honestly can't imagine breaking up with someone while living in a different country.

Re: I feel so bad for my friend. :(

  • That does suck :(  She should go travel for a bit or something.
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  • So your friend is not Swedish?  Is she American?  I feel bad for her too.  I'm glad you offered her a place to stay and some company.
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  • That stinks, esp right before Christmas. It was nice of you to offer her a place to stay. Maybe she will take you up on it once she has a chance to settle down for a bit.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feel-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c15333c0-1c6c-4565-8204-046d1c2abeffPost:6b7efe7e-6dbc-4fdc-ac61-c1b236ee63a9">I feel so bad for my friend. :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]She and her Swedish boyfriend broke up last night.  She's still in his apartment because she can't go home just yet.  I know she didn't want to do it just yet, but things have been bad for them for a while.  I've told her she can come over here to live until she goes back and spend Christmas with her, but she seems so confused and upset right now. :( Boo. <strong> I honestly can't imagine breaking up with someone while living in a different country.
    </strong>Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

    I'd almost prefer it if it was a bad breakup. You know you're never going to run into them again, and it's easier to move on when you're not going places and thinking "I remember coming here with him, gah". Imo, anyways.

    That definitely does suck though. That was nice of you to offer your place to her. Having come close to that (without being overseas obviously), it would've been nice to have somewhere to go that wasn't a day and a half bus ride away had that actually happened. I hope it works out for her.
  • Poor girl. When I first moved here, I definitely thought about what I would do if H and I broke up. Obviously that didn't happen, but if it had at least his parents also live in Santiago, so he would have moved back in with them while I figured out what I was doing instead of us having to continue to live together.
  • She's American.  They've been together for over a year, and have lived together for a few months at a time, but usually in the US when he was there working.  When she came here, he turned into a totally different person and was really demanding and selfish even thought she'd left her whole life for him.  The last straw was when she came down with strep throat yesterday, and he spent the whole day berating her for getting sick when he had plans.  He's a douche.  I don't know if she just overlooked it before or if he turned into someone different when they were together on "his" turf.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feel-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c15333c0-1c6c-4565-8204-046d1c2abeffPost:6fbb72fd-721b-4708-8e81-ca71e4a904eb">Re: I feel so bad for my friend. :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Poor girl. When I first moved here, I definitely thought about what I would do if H and I broke up. Obviously that didn't happen, but if it had at least his parents also live in Santiago, so he would have moved back in with them while I figured out what I was doing instead of us having to continue to live together.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    He's an ass enough, that he would make HER leave. 

    I'd also rather she knows that she has a safe place to stay for a while instead of being forced to stay there if things get extra bad.
  • Me too, Em.  Me too.
  • Wow that is really sad.  I hope she takes you up on the offer to spend the holiday with you...no one wants to be alone (especially in another country away from their family) on Christmas :(
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  • Yeah.  I'm just upset for her.  They were in couples therapy too.  But he refused to believe there was anything wrong with him, it was all her that needed to change *eyeroll*.  She feels like she *should* go see his family for Christmas, but I think... Why?? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feel-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c15333c0-1c6c-4565-8204-046d1c2abeffPost:09c07c05-06c4-46a8-b9a4-c24f9b90c253">Re: I feel so bad for my friend. :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your friend is having a "growth experience". Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    This sounds like a term my grandmother would use in an uncomfortable discussion about puberty.
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  • That stinks Snippy. I hope she takes you up on your offer. I don't see any reason why she needs to go see his family.
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  • I'm sorry for your friend.  This guy sounds like an a-hole.  The timing isn't great though.  She doesn't owe his family anything right now.  I can't imagine that they wouldn't understand her not wanting to see them (and likely him) at Christmas so soon after a break-up.
  • That's what I keep telling her, but she's kind of upset right now and not thinking clearly.  Hopefully she comes over because I don't want her to be alone OR with him or his family.

    TR, I was thinking the same thing!! HAHAHA
  • Ha I missed TR's comment. It made me giggle.
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  • NOoooooo!!  She's letting him guilt trip her into going to spend Christmas at his parents house!!!  Saying she shouldn't want to ruin their Christmas!!  UGH.
  • That's just it Em.  He says he hasn't told them because he doesn't want to ruin their holiday.  HEY!  Maybe he should have thought of that before he was a diick to her!!
  • Oh god. She needs a good talking-to about how the fact that he is a big enough diick to not only treat her like crap but also lie to his parents and make her suffer through a charade to protect them only supports the "do not spend Christmas with this jerk" theory. His parents are big kids - they'll get over it.
  • I know.  I just told her there's no way they can pretend to be a happy couple while there, no matter what face he wants to put on it. 
  • Wow.  "I'm dumping you, but keep it mum so you don't ruin my parent's Christmas."  What a douche. 

    I'd be inclined to go to Christmas, get drunk, and then tell the parents about their son's peculiar sexual fetishes (made up, if need be) while my trusty pal Snippy waited in the driveway with the engine running. 
  • AH HAHAHAHHA... Mel... if only.  Oh, if only. :D  What kind of burn out do you think we could get from a Mini in 8 inches of snow?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feel-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c15333c0-1c6c-4565-8204-046d1c2abeffPost:9a684cea-1217-406e-8199-07dc87065b46">Re: I feel so bad for my friend. :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  "I'm dumping you, but keep it mum so you don't ruin my parent's Christmas."  What a douche.  I'd be inclined to go to Christmas, get drunk, and then tell the parents about their son's peculiar sexual fetishes (made up, if need be) while my trusty pal Snippy waited in the driveway with the engine running. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I can't believe he's being a jerk about her being sick but he wants her to be considerate to his family and attend Christmas dinner.  That makes no sense.  And why can't he be a man and tell his family that he's a douche and broke up with her soon after she moved to Sweden for him?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_feel-bad-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c15333c0-1c6c-4565-8204-046d1c2abeffPost:9a684cea-1217-406e-8199-07dc87065b46">Re: I feel so bad for my friend. :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow.  "I'm dumping you, but keep it mum so you don't ruin my parent's Christmas."  What a douche.  <strong>I'd be inclined to go to Christmas, get drunk, and then tell the parents about their son's peculiar sexual fetishes (made up, if need be) while my trusty pal Snippy waited in the driveway with the engine running. 
    </strong>Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    This.  And I'd take the gifts with me...well, the ones for me and the ex
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    Baby boy 7.10.13
  • Mica, I said the SAME THING.  I think he's kind of crushed her  a little bit, tbh. 
  • Damn it!  I hate these situations where the girl is so in love that the guy takes advantage of the fact that she feels more for him than he does for her and treats her like sh*&.  He is only doing what she is allowing him to do.  But things are really blurry for her right now I know because her heart hurts too much to let her think straight. 

    Plus she might be secretly hoping that if she goes to his parents that he will see what an amazing girl she is and fall to his knees asking for forgiveness (which of course he won't).  She's gotta grow a pair of ba*&^ and do what is best for her, not him.  She needs to ask herself two very important questions whenever he tries to impose his will on her...(1) How does this benefit me? (2) How will doing what he wants change the final analysis that this is over?

    She needs to dry her eyes, do her hair, put on some makeup, hold her head up high, put on some heels and don't let him see her looking like a sad puppy dog.  Then tell him she's not going to his parents because something urgent has come up and she has to go attend to that.  And she does not owe him a detailed explanation because they are no loner SOs, then she should strut out the door with her stuff and come to your house to finish weeping and venting.  Do not answer his calls.  Do not answer his texts.  Do not answer his emails.  He's not worthy!  She must respect herself before anyone else will respect her! 
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