First Bridezilla moment....at least I think it was the first

jmkaiser

My BM told me that she changed her mind and didn't want to get her make up or hair done and I really was not sympathetic to her at all. Her excuse was that now she has a wedding to save for so it's not reasonable--I told her she could do whatever she wanted with her hair but I already scheduled the make-up artist because we needed 5-6 people to do it before she would come on-site. To get her make up done would cost $30.

I feel bad but I'm planning a wedding too and still have purchased/scheduled all the thigns she asked for, for her wedding day.

Am I out of line for being a little upset with her?

baystateapple

No.  It was wrong of you to do that.  If you are insisting that she get her makeup done, you have to pay for it.  You should call her up, apologize, and let her know she doesn't need to get her makeup professionally done.

cengle

If she's the one paying to get her make up done professionally, then yes.

If you're paying for it, then you can be a liiiiiittle upset, but it's still her choice. It is her face, after all.


ETA: then yes, you were wrong to get upset with her. I didn't know if it made sense the first time.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_first-bridezilla-momentat-least-think-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1d10ba1-ccfb-4107-92a1-7735a732815dPost:d9e89046-c8d2-43e6-959a-d6d02631e3e8">First Bridezilla moment....at least I think it was the first</a>:
[QUOTE]My BM told me that she changed her mind and didn't want to get her make up or hair done and I really was not sympathetic to her at all. Her excuse was that now she has a wedding to save for so it's not reasonable--I told her she could do whatever she wanted with her hair but I already scheduled the make-up artist because we needed 5-6 people to do it before she would come on-site. To get her make up done would cost $30. I feel bad but I'm planning a wedding too and still have purchased/scheduled all the thigns she asked for, for her wedding day. Am I out of line for being a little upset with her?
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

I don't understand why your upset?  Because she's not getting her makeup done or because it messes up whether or not the artist will come?

plato79

It definitely sucks that she's backing out, especially since you seem to be willing to go the extra mile for her. That being said, if you require people to get their makeup and/or hair done at the salon, you should be paying. Also, consider whether you paying out the makeup money of $30 extra is worth hurting the friendship. Remember that there might be something else going on that you may not know about - maybe she just is using her wedding as an excuse for something more embarrassing that she'd rather not confess. 

Good luck!

redheadfsu

If she is paying she can cancel it. (unless it was non-refundable deposit)

If you need a certain number, then ask more people if they want their make-up done.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_first-bridezilla-momentat-least-think-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1d10ba1-ccfb-4107-92a1-7735a732815dPost:90e8b3e6-5fcd-44e1-a3d8-768d3c6c60f6">Re: First Bridezilla moment....at least I think it was the first</a>:
[QUOTE]If she is paying she can cancel it. (unless it was non-refundable deposit) If you need a certain number, then ask more people if they want their make-up done.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.  You can always ask your mother or your FMIL if they want to have their makeup done on site.  My MIL did.

jmkaiser

I more upset that I asked each girl the question about make up a few months ago and told them that they are by no means required to get their hair or make up done but if they were interested that I would need to know so I could let the proper people know. I told them the price and reiterated that I'm not pushing them to get it done.

Fast forward four months and she decides she doesn't want it. I'll get over it but I'm upset that it's a constant complaint from her about prices when I have gone out of my way to make things as cheap as I could for my BMs.

I'm more or less just frustrated because the only thing that I have absolutely said I wanted was the dress they have--other than that I have left it up to them. The make up thing I thought would be a nice thing to offer if they were all interested--which at the time they told me they were.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_first-bridezilla-momentat-least-think-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1d10ba1-ccfb-4107-92a1-7735a732815dPost:178f7c1f-ddd6-4e8e-974e-e57c3eb537ac">Re: First Bridezilla moment....at least I think it was the first</a>:
[QUOTE]I more upset that I asked each girl the question about make up a few months ago and told them that they are by no means required to get their hair or make up done but if they were interested that I would need to know so I could let the proper people know. I told them the price and reiterated that I'm not pushing them to get it done. Fast forward four months and she decides she doesn't want it. <strong>I'll get over it but I'm upset that it's a constant complaint from her about prices</strong> when I have gone out of my way to make things as cheap as I could for my BMs.<strong> I'm more or less just frustrated because the only thing that I have absolutely said I wanted was the dress they have--other than that I have left it up to them.</strong> The make up thing I thought would be a nice thing to offer if they were all interested--which at the time they told me they were.
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]

I understand being frustrated about price complaints if it's something like you trying to find a cheap BM dress and someone complaining about anything over $30. That's unrealistic. But she complains about $30 for make-up, she cancels it, end of story. What's the problem?

And the second part I don't get. The only thing you REALLY want this girl has presumably done (get the dress), and you left make-up up to her, so why does it matter if she's changed her mind?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_first-bridezilla-momentat-least-think-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c1d10ba1-ccfb-4107-92a1-7735a732815dPost:178f7c1f-ddd6-4e8e-974e-e57c3eb537ac">Re: First Bridezilla moment....at least I think it was the first</a>:
[QUOTE]I more upset that I asked each girl the question about make up a few months ago and<strong> told them that they are by no means required to get their hair or make up done but if they were interested that I would need to know so I could let the proper people know. I told them the price and reiterated that I'm not pushing them to get it done.</strong> Fast forward four months and she decides she doesn't want it. I'll get over it but I'm upset that it's a constant complaint from her about prices when I have gone out of my way to make things as cheap as I could for my BMs<strong>. I'm more or less just frustrated because the only thing that I have absolutely said I wanted was the dress they have--other than that I have left it up to them. </strong>The make up thing I thought would be a nice thing to offer if they were all interested--which at the time they told me they were.
Posted by jmkaiser[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What else would have insisted on that would have costed them money?  The only thing BM's should definitely have to budget for is a dress.  Anything else should be optional, like hair and makeup.  And what is "cheap" to you might not be cheap to her.  Some people think that paying $30 for makeup that they can do themselves is absurd.  That's not your decision to make for her.</div><div>
</div><div>How you asked your BMs about getting their hair and makeup done is fine.  However, how you said it makes no implication that you need a certain amount to get this MUA, and that by saying yes then has her locked into getting it done.  
</div>

KateG528

If its that big of a deal for her to have her makeup done, offer to pay for it for her.

LoveMuffins

OP, from what you're saying it's not that it's a big deal that your BM has her make-up done, like PPs seems to be thinking, but that

1. your make-up artist requires a certain amount of girls to be getting their make-up done for her to come on-site to do it
2. you never required your BMs to get theirs done, but offered the service several months ago to see if you could get the numbers to have an on-site artist
3. several months ago this BM, along with several other of your BMs, said she wanted to partake in this service
4. BM is now backing out, making it so that the minimum number of people is no longer met, so that make-up will no longer be available on-site, causing an inconvenience to you and the other girls
5. You have worked hard to keep everything within your BMs budgets, and this one BM keeps bringing up money issues and making it seem like it's your fault

If I've got all that right, then I'd be annoyed with your BM too. I find it inconsiderate and rude when people change plans, esp when their friend's plans are reliant on theirs (as in, we will now have to work in time to travel to the make-up artist on the day of, because you decided to back out of what you had orginally agreed to, when you were under no obligation to agree to it in the first place).

However, unfortunately there's nothing you can do. Personally, I probably wouldn't offer to pay the $30 for her to get her make-up done, since it was never an obligation for her to do so, and I'd be annoyed at the fact that she backed out. Paying for her make-up and not the other girls who have held to what they said they were gonna do does not seem right to me. I'd just figure out how to work it into the day, maybe talk to the artist or see if my mom or FMIL or one of the readers or someone else wanted to get their make-up done too and take her spot with the artist.

And... yeah, she flaked. I'd just vent and get over it. There's not much more you can do. Although if she brought it up to me again I'd probably just say "no one forced you to join in the group that's getting theirs done. Now you're not. it's fine, but i feel like i've tried very hard to make everything as easy as possible for you, and when you talk about how much things are, i feel like you're casting me as this inconsiderate friend who doesn't care about your finances, and that's not true."

I hope you figure out a way to work it all out!

emilyinchile

LoveMuffins, I understood the issue from the outset.

I just don't get being so upset over it. It's a minor annoyance, and the girl no longer wants to spend $30. If OP can't find ANYONE else who wants their make-up done and is in danger of losing the MUA and can't spend $30 extra herself to cover the MUA's travel costs, then sure, take it up with the friend. But the OP seems to be  annoyed with the change of plan on principle (even though the friend has let her know months in advance of the wedding) and with the fact that the friend is now re-prioritizing her spending due to her own engagement. Neither of those things seems like a big deal to me.

redheadfsu

Lovemuffins, I got it. But it isn't a big deal. I'm sure one woman she knows will want to take up the space. Hell, if I was her I might treat my mom & FMIL as a gift.

The BM can back out of the make-up. It isn't a huge deal, it isn't even a tiny deal. Plus OP's wedding isn't until July. I'm sure this will be fixed by then.

LoveMuffins

I was more responding to the PPs who were telling OP that she shouldn't be requiring her BMs to get their make-up done, which is not how I read her OP or follow-up post at all.

and no, it's not a huge deal to the wedding, but I can still understand why OP would be frustrated/annoyed with her BM and i don't see anything wrong with her venting about it... it's not like she jumped on her BM, she just got on here and vented some steam. And it seems like a lot of people told her she has no right to and was being unreasonable, which I don't agree that she was. 

I def understand being annoyed with the change of plan on principle - now OP has to find someone to replace BM, and all the while it sounds like BM is making this big deal about money, which is NOT something OP is concerned about - as in, she's not trying to make them spend hoards of money or ruin her BM's wedding by making her pay for unreasonable extravagences so that she can't save for her own. I'd be annoyed and a little hurt by those insinuations too.

tenofcups4me

The OP didn't say it was a "huge deal"; she said she was a "little upset" and then later said she was frustrated. I don't blame her. I would be too if I made plans based on what the bridesmaid said she was doing and then BM changed her plans. Got it--BM's priorities have changed, which makes sense, but it doesn't mean it's not frustrating to deal with the ramifcations of that when it affects the OP's other plans.

klm03013

Just pay the make up artist even if you can't get someone to cover her spot. It sucks, but not a huge deal.