How do I say no to being a bridesmaid?

smileye90

A family member asked me to be a bridesmaid.  I want to say no.  Not for any complicated reason.  I just don't like her.  She's an unpleasant drama queen and I don't want to be involved in her wedding.  But she's a family member and it could cause awkward family situations to say no.  Plus  because she's a drama queen no matter what answer I give her there's going to be drama for me be it now or down the line when it comes wedding time. I sense this is the type of wedding where we get assigned ugly uncomfortable shoes that we have to pay for and have to wear our hair in identical styles.  

What do I do?  I really have no idea.   

I know I can't tell anyone what to do, but I would really appreciate not being quoted so I can DD this later.  Thanks.  

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Just tell her that you don't have the time or you can't budget for a dress right now, and that you'd much rather just enjoy the wedding as a guest instead.

ericaandtom2012

I would tell her no, I'd rather enjoy the wedding as a guest instead.  Giving any other reasons will leave you open to her trying to convince you otherwise (if you say it's not in the budget, she may offer to pay for stuff; if you say you don't have time, how you spend your time may be judged).  It sounds like she won't take it well, but unless you want to end up in the wedding, you just have to say no and prepare for her drama. 

smileye90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-say-no-to-being-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24e4dce-dd72-4a1b-afab-d424973696f0Post:c74417ae-6a0a-4011-b348-d9dc78b1b872">Re: How do I say no to being a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would tell her no, I'd rather enjoy the wedding as a guest instead.  Giving any other reasons will leave you open to her trying to convince you otherwise (if you say it's not in the budget, she may offer to pay for stuff; if you say you don't have time, how you spend your time may be judged).  It sounds like she won't take it well, but unless you want to end up in the wedding, you just have to say no and prepare for her drama. 
Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes, this is what I was kind of thinking I needed to do.  How do I change the subject when her and others (we have a nosy family) start pressing me for reasons.  Bean dipping doesn't always work.  I guess just keep repeating that I'd rather enjoy the wedding as a guest?  </div>

ericaandtom2012

It's a sucky situation to be in, especially since it sounds like they won't let up.  I would politely respond after a couple mentions of it, but then firmly say that the issue has been settled and I'd appreciate not being asked about it any more.  If that doesn't work, you may have to end conversations by saying see you later and walking away.  Have another family member be willing to back you up and help you out with avoiding conversations like this.  Good luck!

AceTT

Ditto PPs. Let her know you'd rather attend as a guest. If family members keep asking, let them know it's settled and you are looking forward to attending as a guest.

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-do-i-say-no-to-being-a-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c24e4dce-dd72-4a1b-afab-d424973696f0Post:d5bba971-dc02-47ad-944b-16468831432e">Re: How do I say no to being a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto PPs. Let her know you'd rather attend as a guest. If family members keep asking, <strong>let them know it's settled</strong> and you are looking forward to attending as a guest.
Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  Just because people press you for a reason, doesn't mean you have to respond how they want you to.  You just have to be firm in your answer and not allow the conversation to continue.  It is an acquired skill, but being firm and confident in your answers is very liberating.     "I am looking forward to attending the wedding as a guest, and I'm not really open to talking about being in the wedding any longer. I have talked to cousin sally about this, and don't feel like discussing it further.  I hope you understand".   People may think you are abrasive for a moment, but they will get over it.

MrsCourtney2U

Just because you were asked to be in a wedding does not mean you have to commit. Hopefully, your family will understand that this is your decision and you will be making the right choice for you. I would just tell her that you cannot financially commit to being a bridesmaid in her wedding. That you are honored that she asked you and if the circumstances were different you would be more than happy to be a part of her day. Maybe you could offer to do a reading instead?

achiduck

"While I'm very flattered that you've asked me to be a part of your wedding I'm going to have to decline."

willywally5

Honestly, it sounds like if you say YES, she will make you miserable and there will be drama. If  you say NO, there will be drama as well and it will likely make you miserable a little, too. But by saying NO, you will probably save yourself a lot of headache and a lot of money since you won't have to buy a dress, shoes and pay for hair, etc. 

Just say no!