Income disparity between families

mboretsky

If my fiance's family is on welfare and my parents are very wealthy, is it tacky to have a fancy-ish wedding, even if my parents agree to pay for it all? I really don't know what kind of precedent there is for this sort of situation, but I don't want to appear to be flaunting anything. Any help or input is appreciated!

em01092

If your parents offered to pay, then kudos to them. I don't think there is anything wrong with them spending their money as they wish, though I agree they/you could take it a little too far I guess. Honestly it's none of your FIL's business who pays for the wedding or what your parents decide to spend their money on. I'd just avoid the subject with your FILs. 

Just remember taking their money could mean they get to call the shots about key details and things you may not want or like. 

bridejl

I have a similar situation, my parents are more well-off than my FILs, and it can create some awkwardness with the FILs. What I do is kind of ignore the gap, I guess. I talk about this and that with the wedding planning as I would with anyone, without any mention of how much it cost. I feel that withholding information becuase of thinking the money aspect will make it awkward is actually more insulting because it labels them as financially strained.

We are also having a large fancy wedding, and my parents are paying for most of it. It's not tacky. We for sure DO NOT flaunt how much my parents have or what everything costs, but like I said previously, I think that not having a fancy wedding, if that's what you want, just because of their financial situation would be more insulting than anything. I'm not sorry that my parents are in a different situation. I'm not saying to be insensitive, but it is what it is, and if your parents have the resources for a fancy wedding, go for it.

RaptorSLH

The one thing I would caution against is a wedding so fancy his parents do not have/cannot afford to buy appropriate clothing.  Otherwise, this is a disparity the two families are going to have to get used to.  How your family treats his will (hopefully) have more to do with how this is received than the wedding plans themselves.

Cortney1982

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_income-disparity-between-families?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c42a6f53-3454-44e1-8f0e-37b38a23cec8Post:e82425ec-83a1-41d5-90e2-f9f282b9fcfe">Re: Income disparity between families</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The one thing I would caution against is a wedding so fancy his parents do not have/cannot afford to buy appropriate clothing. </strong> Otherwise, this is a disparity the two families are going to have to get used to.  How your family treats his will (hopefully) have more to do with how this is received than the wedding plans themselves.
Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

I agree on this. 

elizabeth121985

It's your parents money, so I think they should be able to spend it as they wish.  As long as you don't talk about it in front of them I say got for it

FWIW I'm kind of in the flip position.  My parents are very well off, but my FILs are *extremely* well off.  My parents have given me what I think is gracious plenty money for a great wedding, but my FMIL is always making snide comments about the cost of everything.  She asked about my flowers at Christmas and said "I hope you have plenty of money ready....any sort of half decent flowers will cost you at least $15,000.  I mean, that's what everyone I know spends".  UGH

As long as you don't pull anything like that you'll be fine.  I'm sure your in laws will appreciate the gesture of your parents covering the bills.