What would YOU say?!

chrissykaren

I am really excited about my wedding next year... and my brother's... and my FI's brother... and my FI's sister.  In fact, I couldn't be happier!

My FI's sister is marrying a good friend of mine--in fact, I set them up!  Her ring is stunning.  It is an old family stone, I am guessing is it over 1.5 carats.  My FI's brother bought his fiance a very "bling" ring--several stones in several shapes, very girly/princess-y.  Both are in LOVE with their rings.

This is my problem.  My ring isn't amazing. I can't even wear it half the time.   We have to change the setting because it doesn't fit the shape (not size!) of my finger.  I had a pretty difficult time finding anything that I loved at the jewelry store FI uses (it is a a store his family has been going to forever, and I don't have a prayer of getting of him to go anywhere else).  I am not even really sure I am going to like the new setting. 

People, including family, friends, and wedding vendors, constantly comment to me about how breath-taking the other girls' rings are... but don't mention mine. 

What am I supposed to say?  I usually just smile and say, "I know, isn't it just beauitful?  I am so happy for them" or make some comment about how happy I am we are all getting married, but then I go home and cry.  It sounds shallow, but it does effect me, even though I'd rather be able not to care.

So tell me... what do I say to these people?  And... is it ok that this upsets me, or do I need to grow up and just get over the stupid ring?

danieliza1127

Well, I can sort of see your point and don't think it's totally wrong or unnatural for you to feel the way you're feeling.  I think it's really important that you get involved in the new setting of the ring and make sure it's what YOU want, not what the jewelry store or your FI wants.  There's nothing wrong with you taking charge of it now that it's yours and you're engaged.  You are the one that has to wear it every day forever, so you want something you love to wear.

What you've been saying to people though is the best thing to say.  There's nothing else for you to say really.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c4f74073-ffac-4ecf-9c44-7216f3437577Post:2cd75e9a-64e2-4ff6-98df-a4da8a1a3fbe">What would YOU say?!</a>:
[QUOTE] My ring isn't amazing. I can't even wear it half the time.   We have to change the setting because it doesn't fit the shape (not size!) of my finger.
Posted by chrissykaren[/QUOTE]

You <em>can't</em> wear it?  I don't understand.

I guess I can understand feeling a little peeved if people are openly admiring the others' rings and ignoring yours right in front of you, that's just rude.  But you love your fiance, right?  You want to marry him, right?  Because that's what you get to do no matter what is on your finger.  So just try to think about that.

chrissykaren

I am trying to think of how to describe how it doesn't fit.  I have really, really skinny fingers.  Between the shape of the band (it isn't a straight band) and the weight of the setting, it flops around like crazy.  Like it is rolling all over when I am typing this.  I tried to fix this in the new setting.

aMrsin09

What shape was the original setting and what shape is the new setting?

A solitare doesn't look "quite right" on me, but that sure wouldn't prevent me from wearing one!

agk0125

I'm also a little confused about why you can't wear your ring. Your jeweler should be working with you to fix this and make your ring something you love.

My ring is NOTHING like what FI and I had discussed prior to getting engaged because he ended up surprising me with a ring from his family. Was I disappointed? No. Do people "ooh and ah" over it? Not very often. Do I have friends with "better" rings? Of course. Do I care? No, because at the end of the day this ring represents me and FI, not anyone else.

agk0125

Maybe try having sizing beads put into the band. That may make the fit a little better without actually making the band itself smaller. Just google "sizing beads."

aMrsin09

my sister has long skinny fingers too and they had the jeweller add "weight balls"(?) to the inside of the band at the bottom.  They look kind of like sizing balls, but are stationary.  They balance the weight of the ring so it doesn't flop. 

sarabellam

The message you have been giving people is absolutely perfect. I understand your hurt feelings, and kind of roll my eyes at the clulessness/crassness and lack of sensitivity shown by the mutual friends, family, and wedding vendors.

But do try some of the suggestions about the sizing beads.

crfische

I need to see a picture before making any suggestions.

JK10910

Your family and friends probably don't realize how rude they're being, and how much they're hurting your feelings.  But why are you at vendors with these people?  That doesn't make sense to me.  What you are saying is fine though.

Anyway, there are many ways to fix your ring so it doesn't slide around.  Any reputable jeweler should be able to help you with that.  Here's the thing.  Rings are expensive.  And yes, if you wear it for the rest of your life, you should like it.  But you can't really dictate the size of your diamond (I'm saying this only because you mentioned the size of someone else's), so if your ring is "too small" then yes, you're being a brat and you need to suck it up.  If it's truly about the way it fits or the setting isn't your style, then alright, get that fixed and you should be good, right?

chrissykaren

I actually think the stone is beautiful!  I am hoping the new setting fixes the problems.  If it doesn't, I will have to wait until after the wedding to change it.

Thanks for the suggestions.  I didn't know about sizing beads, and I think it may really help!  I really did try to make the new setting sit lower and be a little thicker so it doesn't move around quite so much.

As far as the vendors, we are all getting married, so we share a lot of vendors (alterations, cake people, pastors, you name it! it is actually really fun to brainstorm together!!).  Same with the family--we are all there, every holiday, every Saturday, etc.  I am glad to know that it just isn't me that thinks it is kind of inconsiderate to say things.  It makes me feel better.

Lyss5782

I dont think you can help the way you feel...and you dont come across bitchy or self-indulgent which helps your case.   I would definitely be sad if I didnt love my ring...its "supposed" to be so important.

In addition to everyone else's suggestions...you can always try to get a wedding band that you love and not wear the e-ring once you get married.  And some people do upgrade their rings after a few years (scroll down for a post on this either yesterday or the day before).

I guess Im saying its okay to be disappointed, and if you cant redo it for something you love right now, you might not have to wear this ring forever.

Someone else (Amoro?) has said that she didn't love her ring either....

JK10910

Yes, that's also a good idea--getting a wedding band you love and only wearing the E-ring on special occasions.  But only if it won't hurt your FI's feelings.  I know my FI would be hurt if I didn't want to wear my E-ring anymore.

lilgina64

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-say?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c4f74073-ffac-4ecf-9c44-7216f3437577Post:2cd75e9a-64e2-4ff6-98df-a4da8a1a3fbe">What would YOU say?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am really excited about my wedding next year... and my brother's... and my FI's brother... and my FI's sister.  Posted by chrissykaren[/QUOTE]

Remind me to NEVER complain about my family's ridiculous year with the 3 of us getting married. You got me beat. 4 siblings. Jesus on a stick.

anywho. I think you are doing the right thing by responding how you are. If it's the fit that is really bothering you, I would march down to the jewelers and have them fix the fit so it's not rolling around all the time. Also, don't listen to ignorant rude people. They shouldn't make comments and ignore you.

sucrets4

Ditto to the bead thingys.  I'm sure they're much cheaper than a whole new setting.  My friend has skinny fingers and got them put into hers and they work really well.

Chances are a new setting is not going to make it stop moving, so I'd look into the beads.

chrissykaren

Thanks everyone.  I feel SO much better!  I think I'll just continue to smile and try to be happy when people make strange comments.

Oh, and addition to the 4 siblings getting married, my sister is pregnant with her second, due 2 weeks after my wedding.  My family is growing by an absurd percent next year.