Confessions

andyandhillary

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:b3118271-07e2-44b2-bc93-f741a9713fe2">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess that part of me wishes my grandma would pass away.  She's 88, in a nursing home, has alzheimers, and has almost died at least once a month since April.  I feel like this makes me a bad person. 
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

Come over and join my boat.  FWIW, I don't think you're a bad person.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:6eb060e9-4dfc-4c1e-927c-7884776959dc">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I also confess that I wasn't sad when my grandma died and I feel bad.  I was sad for my mom, because she lost her mom but not sad that she passed away.  I mean, she was extremely old and her mind had been gone for years now.  I had been preparing for her to physically move on for 4 years now.  I just feel like I lost her a long time ago so I guess that's why I'm not sad now.  Am I a horrible person?  Please validate me.
Posted by andyandhillary[/QUOTE]


I kind of felt the same way about both Grandma and Grandpa.  I miss them both horribly, but I was glad when they passed away and weren't in pain anymore.  And it was so hard watching two proud, active people lose their mobility and their health and know that they knew.

LesPaul

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:b6f34f69-7231-46d5-8cb2-cd473e9d7d8f">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's okay that the bride would contribute more to the wedding, because really, I doubt the groom cares all that much about the flowers and decor and things you're spending money on anyway.  If it's mostly for you, there's nothing wrong with you paying more for it.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I paid for all of it, except the tuxedoes.  DH paid for the HM.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:d98a64f0-4438-42de-a23c-a301b6677538">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : All I know is it was referred to as "epic" - my eyes rolled a lot and it almost made me GBCK because it was so ridiculous.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]


I still don't understand it completely either, but I don't think we'll ever get an actual explanation.  There's also a part of me that thinks, "you know, if their happier there then their happier there."  It's kinda like when a friend moves away.  You know you can't make them stay, but it sucks that they're gone.

pumpkinpumpkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:6eb060e9-4dfc-4c1e-927c-7884776959dc">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I also confess that I wasn't sad when my grandma died and I feel bad.  I was sad for my mom, because she lost her mom but not sad that she passed away.  I mean, she was extremely old and her mind had been gone for years now.  I had been preparing for her to physically move on for 4 years now.  I just feel like I lost her a long time ago so I guess that's why I'm not sad now.  Am I a horrible person?  Please validate me.
Posted by andyandhillary[/QUOTE]

No, you're not. I wasn't sad when my dad's mom passed away. I'm still not sad, I've never missed her. I didn't like her. I felt bad for my dad that he lost his mom, but my grandmother was a mean woman and I was never good enough for her. Including my carpenter (now) husband. She said that going to get a trade wasn't getting educated. Actually, I still judge her for it.

Night_Sprite

It's funny, Hillary, I don't judge you at all but I really judge myself.

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:b3118271-07e2-44b2-bc93-f741a9713fe2">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I confess that part of me wishes my grandma would pass away.  She's 88, in a nursing home, has alzheimers, and has almost died at least once a month since April.  I feel like this makes me a bad person. 
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

<div>Wishing someone you love would find peace and stop suffering does not make you a bad person. Wishing that the people you love who also love that person would finally be able to fully grieve and move on with their lives does not make you a bad person. </div><div>
</div><div>andyandhillary this goes for you, too. You moved on when it was clear your grandmother was no longer in her physical body, so to speak. That's healthy. Helping your mom grieve now is also healthy. You're ok. </div>

rubyredlucy

Andy, don't feel guilty at all.  I love my grandma so much, but I feel so bad that she is now 90 and suffers everyday because of her age.  The day after her 90th birthday, she fell and broke her femur and is now in a nursing home.  She's told me that she misses Grandpa, who keeps going away for months, comes back for a little, then leaves again and she's mad at him because he keeps leaving.  He died 7 years ago. 

As hard as it will be to lose her, she's lived a long, good life.  You've done your grieving, and it doesn't make you a bad person that you know that.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:d21d9880-07ad-4f76-b187-35040a8a1fc6">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]It's funny, Hillary, I don't judge you at all but I really judge myself.
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

haha I'm like that about a lot of things.  I think a lot of people (women?) are.  Then there are the crazies who only judge others and never themselves, but I try to ignore those people.

Stackeye210

Exactly Moose.  I just enjoy my time here.......if I didn't enjoy it here, then I would also find somewhere else to go.  I don't blame anyone and I don't think it should be looked at like people had to pick sides.  If I honestly saw something on SB that I wanted to comment on - then that's what I'd do - just like I would have done before the "migration". 

I think all the arguing was things regulars had wanted to say to each other for a while, and wanted to make sure that battle lines were there for a few people.  And to be perfectly clear - I don't have names of specific people - on E OR SB because I started skimming posts really early on and ignored a lot of the debates about it.  I just get that over all feeling

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:94a9f2c6-05a4-4029-9ab9-831ac574c341">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]  She's told me that she misses Grandpa, who keeps going away for months, comes back for a little, then leaves again and she's mad at him because he keeps leaving.  He died 7 years ago. 
Posted by rubyredlucy[/QUOTE]

This <em>breaks</em> my heart.

Stackeye210

I had 7 months to watch my dad go from a little hip pain that sent him to the doctor to becoming a 110 pound man with no hair and looked about 20 years older.  I grieved at each change, and when he out lived the expectancy that we had all prepared for we all felt selfish for being a little happy about it - then it got to the point where we just wanted him to be at piece. 

I think when people watch a loved on get sick, they grieve from the beginning of the sickness because they watch the suffering and it's much easier to let someone go when you know they aren't suffering anymore. 

kikibaby

I don't think there's any sort of war between E and SB either.  It's just some people wanted to go elsewhere, so they did.  No big deal.  But, not gonna lie, some of it hurt my feelings.

missy68

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:1d3a58bd-d7b4-4a11-b2fc-606c48fa8cdc">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]. Non-wedding confessions: 1.  I hate my body.  I'm almost 250lbs.  Yeah.  When I think about that, all I want to do is cry and eat.  Which obviously will not solve a darned thing.  It's also what got me here.  I want to go back in time, kick early 20s me in the butt. 2.  I'm pretty sure if I lost weight, a lot of my problems would go away, including my allergies, insomnia, depression and lack of energy. Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Moose, you and I haven't talked in a while, but I've been there (and you can add quite a bit to it). I understand, and I completely sympathize. It's a vicious cycle. I'm sorry you're going through it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:8081e6a9-f50d-44cb-a021-b59446fd8428">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]My parents are freshly divorced (year and a half) and my dad told me the other day is getting remarried. I haven't cried about it yet but I can feel it coming.
Posted by HKD817[/QUOTE]

My mom got remarried 4 months after her divorce. The first time I met her husband was the day before their wedding. Honestly? It wasn't as bad as it sounds.

wadingmoose

I will admit that I've TRIED to read things over there and I just can't.  At first, too much of it was what I didn't like on E.  And too much blah blah blah about board wars (huh?), digs at E or people on E for not liking that they moved, etc etc etc.  I just stopped reading it because so little of it was intelligent conversation (at that time, I don't know about since) and I was still a little sad that the original SB wasn't coming back because I really did enjoy it when they were there.  Sure, they're still on the nest, but it isn't the same over there either.  They were kinda at their best when random newbs tried to prove how snarky they were.

In the end, I find I fit better here than there and really haven't gone back at all.  Even when stuff is linked from SB, I don't go because I just have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing.

And, you know, the one link I actually clicked included comments about how E would be talking about it the next day.  Which is still funny to me since it SB is rarely brought up on here at all.  Today would be the first time in a long time and I don't think anyone is doing it in a "board war" kind of way.  But it would seem that someone thinks there is a board war of some kind.

I also don't like that often when old Eers who have now become SBers come around they've changed significantly and not for the better.  I remember once that I took a hit in a FFF for being bitter and angry in general rather than being funny like I'd been in the past.  They were right.  I'm often tempted to say something to those people, but I don't think it would be taken as it was meant, and I don't want to encourage any further talk of "board wars," when what I see on E shows no sign whatsoever of any kind of board war.

::sits down in rocking chair and shakes cane::
I can tell you about board wars.  My god, the wars we used to have.  Remember quadboob?  Liz Taylor?  Yeah.  What happened with SB was nothing.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:5d7a001a-53f6-4926-b415-1dba13508219">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think there's any sort of war between E and SB either.  It's just some people wanted to go elsewhere, so they did.  No big deal.  But, not gonna lie, some of it hurt my feelings.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]


This makes sense. At the time I had some hurt feelings too.  A lot of them, actually, because some of my favorite people left.  And removed me from facebook.  I still miss those people, or at least who they were on E.

danieliza1127

Yeah, I'd hardly call the migration "epic" or even a "board war" for that matter.  Basically the decision was made by some to leave E and find a new place to hang out because they didn't like people here or didn't like the suggestions about cliques and off-boards, so they picked SB and started posting there instead of here.  I asked why, some got defensive, some stayed cool, some just played the middle,  it got tense for a while when it kept coming up weekly. I'd say in the past, what month maybe, the whole topic has pretty much died down and gone away.  Well it has here anyway, I don't go to SB so I don't know if they still talk about us or not.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:84c43c0a-a09e-4bfc-ba93-97a212384e4a">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : Moose, you and I haven't talked in a while, but I've been there (and you can add quite a bit to it). I understand, and I completely sympathize. It's a vicious cycle. I'm sorry you're going through it.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]


Thanks Missy.  The biggest thing I'm trying to do is recognize that I'm eating because I hate my body and for comfort and not because I'm hungry.  It's so hard and I've been crying WAY more than normal because I'm so frustrated with it.   It'll get better though.  It has to.

vallyhoo

Team Ungulate!

pumpkinpumpkin

Yeah, the SB crew keeps talking about this "board war". Uhh...if there was a war, I missed it. Tension, yes? War, not so much.

missy68

P2, that is incorrect. It isn't talked about - some people go between boards, some are exclusive to one, and that's it. Nobody talks about it, because it wasn't one.

rubyredlucy

Honestly, there have been so many 'wars' and issues over the past few years that were complete wastes of time and energy, I don't even bother reading them anymore.  Things change so quickly around here that there's no reason to get your panties in a wad over something like this, especially considering some regs were villified when they first started posting and now it seems like everyone's forgotten all about it.  Not worth it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:fe7db438-a14d-48f3-b574-e6e7c0f736c8">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : I'm sure I'm being a little extreme with the hatred.  But I asked a question over there yesterday about NC, and while I got lots of nice responses, none of the usual NC ladies replied.  They were around, so I felt pointedly ignored.  I don't dislike them, even though I know I've made snarky comments about the board (no pun intended).  Just because I don't like the BOARD doesn't mean I don't like THEM. EDIT:  I do think heels responded, actually.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I used to think Nebb was blocking me. I paged her once and she didn't respond, even though she was commenting on other threads. But she does comment on my posts sometimes, usually to point out how stupid or wrong they are, so I guess not.

Re: wedding spending. If you don't have joint accounts, it's not hard to figure out how much one person is paying vs. the other. I probably can't remember who paid what deposit 6 months ago, but overall, yes, I'm paying more towards the wedding. Probably about 2/3 is from me, 1/3 from FI. Not including the RD, which is from his parents, and it about 5% of the total budget.

arbolita

It might not be talked about as much now, but there was a time where a lot of posts on SB had someone making a comment to the extent of "I can't wait for someone on E to see this and rip it apart/start talking about us again."   The constant repition of that is why I stopped reading over there.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:c43cc0c4-db7d-40ed-9dd0-e92a08219d74">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, there have been so many 'wars' and issues over the past few years that were complete wastes of time and energy, I don't even bother reading them anymore.  Things change so quickly around here that there's no reason to get your panties in a wad over something like this, especially considering some regs were villified when they first started posting and now it seems like everyone's forgotten all about it.  Not worth it.
Posted by rubyredlucy[/QUOTE]


We're weird.  We have both short and long memories, depending on what you've done :) 

I'll admit, I'm entertained by a lot of it.  I probably shouldn't be, but I am.

squirrly

rubyredlucy, I am new to Boston & know about 6 people.    Meeting people is TOUGH!  Any time you want to chat, just send me a PM.  We live a few minutes north of the city (I got stuck in that horrid pothole traffic this week!), but I work in Back Bay. 

MISSCOURTNEY20

I confess that I prayed that my father would pass away. He had been dealing with Alzheimer's for over 10 years and had suddenly gotten worse. My mom told me the day after my 25th birthday (12-12). I asked that the Lord to take him before Christmas. He passed away 12-17. It hurts that we were never able to get past my hard teeange years and never had a friendly relationship. I have missed him more lately because he won't be here to walk me down the aisle.

I also confess that it makes me laugh when everytime I post something, someone, in particular,  feels the need to say something be it nice or not. It lets me know that I am on her mind be it good or bad. Smooches!

rubyredlucy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:d7171439-201f-4b47-98ae-178a14b3e947">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confessions : We're weird.  We have both short and long memories, depending on what you've done :)  I'll admit, I'm entertained by a lot of it.  I probably shouldn't be, but I am.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]
Hell, I've been lurking for the last 3 years; obviously, I'm entertained by it, too.  But I guess it's gotten old, or just not as funny anymore, because I gloss right by now. 

Now, if we had some tongue-punching of dirt stars around here, things might be more fun.  Betcha only a handful of people remember that.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confessions-29?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5713850-a967-43c4-9ad8-dfdea59c797aPost:58d5a307-5c37-4516-a909-4cde7bcba017">Re: Confessions</a>:
[QUOTE]It might not be talked about as much now, but there was a time where a lot of posts on SB had someone making a comment to the extent of "I can't wait for someone on E to see this and rip it apart/start talking about us again."   The constant repition of that is why I stopped reading over there.
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this and the obnoxious attitude of posters I had previously been friendly with.  Apparently I didn't make the cut for their club, which meant they couldn't talk to me without being bitchy.  Not something I need in my life.