Wedding Etiquette Forum

Brother in the wedding party

So I'm trying to form my wedding party (groomsmen?) and everyone says I have to include my brother. The only problem is that my brother is an ass. He refuses to hang out with me and often says horrible things to me. Do I have to include him?

Re: Brother in the wedding party

  • You definitely don't have to, but in some families it might cause more drama than it's worth. Just depends on your family dynamics. For my part, if my brother were an ass to me, he would not be included in my wedding.
  • I'm assuming you're the bride? If so, why are you picking groomsmen? That should be your FI's decision.

    But to answer your original question, no, there is absolutely no requirement that you must have your brother in your WP. Anyone who says otherwise is ill informed. It's completely up to you who to include.
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  • No.  It's YOUR wedding.  If it means that much to your parents/family, perhaps he could do a reading.
  • In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6277dca-780b-487f-9353-0450ebd773d7Post:a1b5bc75-c30d-4760-bb70-8f9d0a00d26c">Re: Brother in the wedding party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bride picks her bridesmaids.  Groom picks his groomsmen.  Sides do not have to be same sex nor do they have to be even.  Family is not required to be in the WP.  Each of you should pick your closest friends.
    Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

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  • I'm including my FSIL but my brother is not on FIs side. Not a big deal. I wasn't in my brother and SILs wedding. It was fine.
  • H has 5 brothers and none of them were groomsmen because he didn't want to pick and choose and including all of them would have been a huge unnecesary wedding party. Everyone understood and was okay with it.
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  • Ditto PP that the groom should choose the groomsmen.

    In our wedding, if H didn't choose his 2 half-brothers as GM, his step-mom would've had a fit. It wasn't worth the drama, so they were included. They're not bad guys, H just isn't that close with them. She was in the mind set of "sibling=in wedding."

    Honestly, all the guys have to go is show up and stand at the altar. You will hardly see or speak to him because you're so busy greeting other guests. As long as you're FI is OK having him there pre-ceremony, I say it would just be easier to include him and move on. Also, if  he is in the WP, make sure to do a sweetheart table so you don't have to sit through dinner with him.
  • He doesn't have to be, but only you know your family well enough to say whether he'll cause more drama if he's invited in than if he's left out.  The kind of people that make a fuss over not being in the wedding party are also often the people that will cause an even bigger fuss once they're in.  I fully support leaving out jerk siblings.
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  • You do have other options. If you really don't want him to be in the wedding party, but there will be family issues if he isn't involved at all you could always ask him to be an usher.
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