Cold Feet Stories

JaxInBlue

I didn't have cold feet about marrying DH and I don't think he did about marrying me.  We both had cold feet about the wedding day about 2 months before the wedding.  He lost his job quite suddenly while I was in our home town for my bridal shower and the unexpected shock caused us a good two weeks of stress whether or not we should be spending any money on anything that wasn't an absolute necessity.

We were not planning an extravagant ceremony (we split about $8K in total costs with my folks) but in the immediate aftermath of the news it still felt really frivolous.  At the same time, we were locked into a lot of our contracts already.  Things calmed down for both of us when he started interviewing for positions and it became clearer that he would have a new position in place before the wedding.

If anything, the experience brought us closer together in a way we didn't know we needed.  His job loss and subsequent search process was something we managed together and really helped solidify that we are good partners and foils for each other.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cold-feet-stories?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6827f4c-abd4-45ee-97a4-ffa631de6f31Post:8906f954-80c7-4631-a1d1-e7be71862593">Re: Cold Feet Stories</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cold Feet Stories : The adjustment to living together was hard for us.  We had both lived alone for several years before moving in together, and we just weren't used to the idea of having to accommodate another person all the time, KWIM?  The best piece of advice I can give is this: make sure you stick to the actual problems whenever you discuss anything.  Example:  I am completely disorganized.  FI loves order (his DVD collection is sorted by genre and then alphabetized within each subcategory).  At first, our arguments were "You're too messy!"  "Shut up, you're too uptight!"  Not constructive.  After much discussion, we figured out that his actual problem with me was me leaving things out in the living room, and creating "disorder."  My actual problem was that I felt like I had no personal space, since he needed our second bedroom for a home office and all of the rest of the space in the apartment (bedroom, living room, bathroom, etc.) is shared.  The solution ended up being carving out a corner of the bedroom and one end table in the living room for me to keep my personal belongings on, in whatever state I felt like keeping them in.  My "mess" was contained (so FI doesn't feel stressed by my stuff being "all over the place") and I didn't feel so shut out of our living space anymore, KWIM?  Focus on fixing the things that are actually bothering you, and don't get caught up in "you're messy/rude/inconsiderate/don't care/whatever!"  "no you are!" type of arguments, and you'll be just fine.  :-)
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
Wow, thanks for the really good advice. I'm also messy and he's also neat, so I coincidentally do see that particular example being applicable to us also. This whole weekend has taken a toll on us. I cried all last night & most of today. I slept without my engagement ring (1st time) because I just didn't know if that's what I wanted anymore. I am realizing that our issues aren't isolated and are probably going to resurface even if I were to move on to someone else. So, it would be silly to throw this all away. I'm not making any decisions right now, but I hope things will be clearer in a few days. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

em01092

Sometimes I think about how different my life would be if I wasn't getting married in 2 months, but I wouldn't change it for the world. I see my friends still in college, going out all the time, spending gobs of money on party dresses and beer, and I'm really over that. It was fun, sure, but I'm ready to move on. 

People tell me I'm so young (22) and I have the world ahead of me, why am I rushing, but you know what? I have already been to 15 countries and 40 states, so I have seen a lot more of the world than a lot of other young adults my age. I have an education and I job (though I am changing gears a little right now). I have life experience. So while I understand that 22 is/was too young for some people, it's just right for me. (This was not meant as a stab to the PP who mentioned being engaged at 22). I always saw myself getting married young and starting a family. A career is important to me, but having children is as well. That may make me sound 1950s ish, but whatever. My mom was a piece of garbage, and I want to make sure I am not like that. My grandma is my role model. 

I know in my heart it's the right decision and I love my FI. I also get nervous thinking about the big day and all of the pressure, but that doesn't change the fact that I still want to do it. 

Maggie0829

Neither of us had cold feet.  The only thing we were nervous about was having to speak our vows in front of 130 people (even though they were all close friends and family members).  We both hate being the center of attention and we knew on that one day we would be noticed all day long...that freaked us out.  But funny enough, once I turned the corner to walk down the aisle, I locked eyes with my H and all nervousness about the fact that 130 pairs of eyes were starring at me went right out the window.  H was still nervous as hell from the sweating and shaking he was doing but that made me even more at ease and provided some nice comical relief to the whole thing.

Tahlora

Just about the wedding part so far, I wanted to elope but FI didn't want to, Now I am getting overwhelmed with the planning, I have't been to many weddings or know many people that have planed them that are willing to help so I am freaking out about everythin, even stuff like showers and registering for gifts, no idea how I am supposed to do them. I have been reading up on stuff but it is still kind of a blurry consept so far. But I have time... Hopefully I will get a clue soon

deanozzi

Not cold feet but we did cancel the wedding.
To make a long story short. My FI and I had been together since we were in high-school, I was 16 and he was 17. He joined the Air Force at 22 years of age and moved to AZ. We never lived together (we were young). We were apart for 1 year and had planned this amazing wedding in Fort Lauderdale on a private Yacht. I had my bridal shower, my dress, invites sent out, ten's of thousand's of deposits paid, etc... Then a dreaded phone call from him saying he was being honorably discharged. ONE MONTH BEFORE OUR WEDDING! Unfortunately, because I was still a student in college and he would be coming home without a job we had to make a very hard decision to postpone our wedding.

Here was our thought process.
1. I know that a ton of people get married young but when we realized that he would be coming home without a job and I was still a student in college with no real work experience it would have been really hard
2. We loved each other enough to wait
3. We did not want to end up getting married and living with our parents
4. We wanted to be mature adults and do the right thing (It was hard but we did just that)
5. Our family was very impressed that we had made such a hard and mature decision and even though money was lost, we did what was right for us.
5. It seemed like the end of the world but now we realize that it was the smartest decision we could ever make

Here is the end of our story

We intended a short postponement. Xavier came home and found a job (not making much, but a job indeed). I still had 2 more years of college (I forgot to mention this above but I was going to transfer to The Art Institute of Phoenix- currently I was in the Art Institute of Ft. Lauderdale.) So we made a decision to postpone our wedding even further.

In 2007 after graduating college and working for 2 years we decided to move in together, finally. We rented a small apartment and a year later bought a beautiful home.

Now, after being together for 14 years (this month) we have officially set the date for June 2012 and could not be happier!

Bron&J

Not cold feet, but now that FI has moved back to Australia I do feel guilty for not missing him "enough".  I figure that after working together AND living together (in a small studio apartment) for 3 years I am just enjoying not seeing him every second of every day.  He has just started a new career in a new city and is also feeling guilty that he's too busy to miss me as much as he thought he would.  I can't imagine my life without him and we are both counting down the days (months!) until we're together agan.