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Do I have to?

My wedding isn't for another year and I am already working on my guest list.  One of the big problems that I have is my FI's dad's girlfriend.  They have been dating on and off for awhile now and there relationship has been anything but healthy.  I have a great relationship with my soon-to-be father-in-law, but I can't stand her girlfriend.  The sight of her just annoys the crap out of me, not to mention she's an alcoholic and has a tendency of falling over from drinking too much.  I would prefer to not have her at the wedding, because I know she'll be an embarassment to me and my fiance.  Not to mention, that when she drinks my father in law and her tend to fight.  What should I do?

Re: Do I have to?

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    if they are still together invite her.

    I do not know why this is so hard to understand?   How would you feel if you or your FI was excluded from an invite?    






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I just don't appreciate the fact that she is an alcoholic and acts a fool when she drinks.  She litterally cannot go a day without drinking, if she does, she starts to hallucinate and freak out.  My FI knows she's an embarrassment, his dad knows this, and all she will do is cause stress for the both of us, because we will have to keep an eye on her and hope she doesn't hurt herself like the last time she got drunk.
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    ZiggyZosZiggyZos member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6c659a0-249f-4dd5-bca0-693424052e7dPost:08031a8a-75e1-4a91-93c3-7cae6b3dfd9d">Do I have to?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding isn't for another year and I am already working on my guest list.  One of the big problems that I have is my FI's dad's girlfriend.  They have been dating on and off for awhile now and there relationship has been anything but healthy.  I have a great relationship with my soon-to-be father-in-law, but I can't stand her girlfriend.  The sight of her just annoys the crap out of me, not to mention she's an alcoholic and has a tendency of falling over from drinking too much.  I would prefer to not have her at the wedding, because I know she'll be an embarassment to me and my fiance.  Not to mention, that when she drinks my father in law and her tend to fight.  What should I do?
    Posted by ChelsTuss[/QUOTE]



    JIC.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6c659a0-249f-4dd5-bca0-693424052e7dPost:3dc08df1-492a-4121-8d2d-3176f00ecf5a">Re: Do I have to?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't appreciate the fact that she is an alcoholic and acts a fool when she drinks.  She litterally cannot go a day without drinking, if she does, she starts to hallucinate and freak out.  My FI knows she's an embarrassment, his dad knows this, and all she will do is cause stress for the both of us, because we will have to keep an eye on her and hope she doesn't hurt herself like the last time she got drunk.
    Posted by ChelsTuss[/QUOTE]



    Then warn the bartender to cut her off (or significantly water down drinks) if you have to. Or have a dry wedding (though she will likely imbibe in another way on her own accord). But she must be invited by name with FFIL if they are still together.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6c659a0-249f-4dd5-bca0-693424052e7dPost:c5d67011-760e-4e07-b69e-3b342d9c18b2">Re: Do I have to?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, you have to invite her. But you can also give your bartender a heads up about her behavior and have those in charge of your venu watch for fights. Then they can break fights up or ask the couple to leave. Remember that no matter what happens, if you hold your head high and keep cool, you will look gracious, mature, and respectable. What they do will only reflect poorly on them.
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

    <div>This.And unless she causes a scene you will barely notice she is there all day.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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    She needs to be invited if her and FFIL consider themselves a couple when invitations go out. I know it seems bad when your imagining whatif situations in your head, but all you can do is let any of her shenanigans roll off your back. I'm not sure if this helps, but we had an alcohol related event happen at our wedding. One of my old girlfriends got so plastered she fell down the huge staircase in the middle of the ballroom and there was blood everywhere, she was injured, and the ambulance was called. I'm not telling you this to scare you, I'm telling you this because I had no idea what was going on until about 5 minutes before she was escorted out of the reception. Just take anything that happens with stride and you will be fine, I promise.
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    Complicated situations are aweful, and this probably isnt the popular answer, but if it is that on and off again and complicated I would leave it upto your FI father to make the choice to bring her or not. One of my cousins has been in an on again off again relationship for a while, and at the moment it is on but with the way she decribed it to me, it could be off again tomorrow, so in her invitation I will note that she may bring a date.  That way it is up to her when she notifies her significant other about the wedding and if it is off again during the wedding they wouldnt assume that they are invited, especially if it is on bad terms, or if they still wanted to come as a "friend date" that is fine too.  I find it to be the most respectful way I can invite her but still respect their current but potentially dissolved relationship, without putting her in an akward position.
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    QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited March 2013
    If it's "on again" the day the invites go out, the significant other should be included on the invite.  
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    I get it.  I really do.    2 of DH's friends are drunks and I believe do drugs, although I've never actually witnessed them doing any.  When they drink they are LOUD and curse.  I would lie if I didn't say it made me nervous, but it didn't stop me from inviting them.  They are DH's friends.  I'm happy to report they were prefect gentlemen at the wedding.  



    ** lucky for me they live in Long Island so I only have to see them once a year.  I doubt I could hang with them on a regular basis.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Ditto PP's.  if they're still together when invitations go out, you have to invite her.
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    I know what your feeling but unfortunatly your probably going to have to invite her. It would be hurtful to your futur father inlaw if you dont. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker There is no right or wrong way to have a wedding.
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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    What does JIC mean? I see it all over.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6c659a0-249f-4dd5-bca0-693424052e7dPost:3dc08df1-492a-4121-8d2d-3176f00ecf5a">Re: Do I have to?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just don't appreciate the fact that she is an alcoholic and acts a fool when she drinks.  She litterally cannot go a day without drinking, if she does, she starts to hallucinate and freak out.  My FI knows she's an embarrassment, his dad knows this, and all she will do is cause stress for the both of us, because we will have to keep an eye on her and hope she doesn't hurt herself like the last time she got drunk.
    Posted by ChelsTuss[/QUOTE]
    its not on you....and youll have too many ppl aroudnd to pay her any mind.....let it go boo cuz you gotta invite her if theyre together at the time of invite....HOPE her ass doesnt show up
    ****The Future Mrs. Ikeard**** wedding countdown
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-have-to-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6c659a0-249f-4dd5-bca0-693424052e7dPost:10fc79aa-f441-448f-ab85-0e7bc9a81e01">Re:Do I have to?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Do I have to?: Just in case.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh ok, thanks. sorry to hijack the thread.</div>
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    I know how you feel in not wanting to invite someone's SO because of alcohol. Our Best Man's girlfriend is awful. She is such a child, acts crazy when she drinks, and I can not stand how she treats the Best Man. But unfortuantely, tough luck! You should always invite boyfriends/girlfriends. The good news is you have a bunch of other people there that you DO like, so just ignore her!
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