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Etiquette

Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?

I would love the married ladies' thoughts on this one - between work, wedding planning and the 6 weddings we have around the time of ours, my head is spinning from planning. My shower is in April, wedding is in August and I just really, truly don't care about a bachelorette party. I spend my 20s living in Manhattan and have zero interest in getting a table at a club, or doing anything like that. my best friends were originally talking about a weekend away, but even that seems a bit much considering they have kids and my wedding is a fairly expensive trip for them.

Do you think I'll regret not having a BP?

Re: Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2013
    It's a matter of personal preference. It doesn't sound like you will. I didn't have a shower, and I don't regret that one bit, but I would have regretted not having a bachelorette party. If you're not into it, decline it if it's offered. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I didn't have a b-party.   Never missed it.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2013
    I'm not married but I hope you don't mind me chiming in...
    Maybe you could request a more low-key night? While of course (as you know) you aren't supposed to plan the bach party, I personally see nothing wrong with tossing some ideas into the mix, like a movie night or dinner or bowling. Or even a trip to a nearby museum or what ever you have in your area (I have no idea what part of NY you're in lol).
    And it doesn't even have to be a bach party. I mean, if you're busy now before the wedding, you can always just have a girls night at some point after the wedding.

    I think the point of a bach party has altered. It used to be a night of drunken debauchery with activites that will soon be "forbidden" before you were chained down. At least, that's how they were always marketed as. But now, most of my married friends still go out with out their spouses. Some of them even like going out to bars and clubs with their spouses.

    I think the point I'm trying to make is... if you want a night out with the girls (and/or guys) then even if you don't have a bach party and regret it, you can still partake in a fun night out after you're married. So, what ever you decide, forget regret. :)
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  • I kinda didn't have one by way of being deathly ill and unable to eat or drink that night. It was aweful, and I feel guilty about it to this day because my friend worked so hard on it.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • Kristan - I like that - as long as we keep it chill, it could be a good break from the planning.
  • I didn't have one, and I absolutely didn't want one, and had zero regrets. My closest friends are scattered in different states, so it wasn't really possible anyway. I would encourage you to make sure you do spend some time with your friends, either as a group or on an individual basis, doing non-wedding things. Get your nails done, go to a movie, have a girls night in, etc. Heck make sure you do that stuff AFTER your wedding too! 
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  • In Response to Re:Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:[QUOTE]I would love the married ladies' thoughts on this one between work, wedding planning and the 6 weddings we have around the time of ours, my head is spinning from planning. My shower is in April, wedding is in August andnbsp;I just really, truly don't care about a bachelorette party. I spend my 20s living in Manhattan and have zero interest in getting a table at a club, or doing anything like that. my best friends were originally talking about a weekend away, but even that seems a bit much considering they have kids and my wedding is a fairly expensive trip for them. Do you think I'll regret not having a BP? Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]
    I wouldn't decline a bp if I were you. Just tell whoever is planning it that you don't want to go bar hopping. use the opportunity to do something that you enjoy with your friends that you know your FI Will not enjoy. That way its something you won't be as likely to do when you're married, and it will be special. It doesn't have to be a bar or strippers. Example: say you enjoy a band that your FI can't stand, so you go see them in concert with your friends. Bachelorette parties are just excuses to go out with your friends without your FI. Your BP could even be a night of bowling.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    In Response to Re:Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:
    [QUOTE]I kinda didn't have one by way of being deathly ill and unable to eat or drink that night. It was aweful, and I feel guilty about it to this day because my friend worked so hard on it.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    Pele, I will SO take you out for a belated BP!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I didn't have one, and I don't regret it at all.  Like you, I was already really busy, and my best friends all lived in different states and didn't know each other, so planning would have been a huge hassle and everyone would have had to spend money and take a few days to travel.
  • In Response to Re: Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:
    [QUOTE]Most of the ones I've attended have been at a restaurant or in someone's home.  They usually involve drinking and girl bonding time.   Heck, for my SIL's bachelorette party, she didn't want much of anything.  So, my sister & I had her over at my house, ordered in Chinese food, drank wine, and rented "Magic Mike".  That's all she really wanted. You deserve a "night off" to enjoy time with your girlfriends.  Take it.  The bachelorette party doens't have to be more than that.
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]


    I really hope my girlfriends do something more like this rather than a wild night out.  Your SIL's party sounds right up my alley except substitute Indian for Chinese food.  I just want quality time with my girls over anything fancy or crazy.  And wine.  Always wine. 
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  • My girls are def going to do something crazy & wild. There will be lots of bar hoping. Honestly, Im not looking forward to it. I dont really like drinking because I always get super sick when I drink (meds I take are not suppose to be mixed with alcohol, so when I do..its never good) & it just makes me tired. But, Im not going to say anything to them & just be a good sport about whatever they have planned.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    I didn't have a bachelorette party.  I did not care one iota.  I still don't.

    My husband didn't even have a bachelor party.  He went golfing in Bermuda with all the guys, but that was it.  He said that was plenty.

    EDIT: We married in Bermuda so we were all there anyway.  He didn't fly with the guys out there or something. 
  • edited February 2013
    If you don't want one, I don't think you'll regret it at all! I didn't want one, but my friends insisted on a little something. So we are just doing a girls night in with 6 of us after the shower. Pizza, drinks, some games and silliness. That's perfect for me, and gives that bachelorette feel without having to get all dolled up and head to a club or bar. You could do something like that so you still do something for you with your friends. Or just skip it all if you really don't want anything, but I don't think you'd regret it.
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  • I did not have a bachelorette party. And I both do, and do not, regret it. 

    I am not part of a large social circle, and I am not a drinker, so I'm not sure what we would have done or who would have gone if I had a b-party. So on that front, I'm glad I escaped it. 

    On the other hand, it would have been nice to get together with my cousins (who were my bridal party) for a day out in NYC or a spa day, or a day to the beach. We don't often get to hang out all together these days, so it would have been fun. 
  • In Response to Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:
    [QUOTE]I would love the married ladies' thoughts on this one - between work, wedding planning and the 6 weddings we have around the time of ours, my head is spinning from planning. My shower is in April, wedding is in August and I just really, truly don't care about a bachelorette party. I spend my 20s living in Manhattan and have zero interest in getting a table at a club, or doing anything like that. my best friends were originally talking about a weekend away, but even that seems a bit much considering they have kids and my wedding is a fairly expensive trip for them. Do you think I'll regret not having a BP?
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    I'm not married yet, but I am not having a bar hopping BP. Maybe something like an afternoon with mani/pedis and lunch? My MOH and BMs are ordering pizza and sodas (none of us drink) and we are watching movies all night at my MOH's house.
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  • In Response to Re:Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Does anyone regret NOT having a bachelorette party?:I kinda didn't have one by way of being deathly ill and unable to eat or drink that night. It was aweful, and I feel guilty about it to this day because my friend worked so hard on it.Posted by PeledreamsofrainPele, I will SO take you out for a belated BP! Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Heehee you're the best!! I can't complain too much about the food poisoning right before the wedding because it made me lose like 10 lbs in three days, but I still get wistful about missing out. Clinging to a barstool and trying somehow to look less grey while swigging peptol bismol isn't exactly a riit.

    On the plus side, I am now very well acquianted with the tiles in my bathroom. We are very close... I feel like a part of me will always be with them :p.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • My bachelorette is this Saturday and I'm so excited. I got over all my wild bar hopping nights about three years ago...we're going to a steakhouse, then my favorite martini bar, then back to a hotel to hang out and drink. It'll be the prefect mix of dress up and low key, but without and dude shoving his junk into my face or me asking people to pay me for Blow Pops. 
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  • In lieu of a traditional bachelorette, my MOH is putting together a "blessing" time for me on the Thursday night before we get married (wedding is Saturday and Friday night is taken up with rehearsal and family stuff).  I'm not sure what else will be involved, but part of it will be a time of sharing wisdom and encouragement for our marriage.  Not just in a perfunctory "y'all be nice now" way, but truly coming together in, she said "a sisterhood of support." 

    These are the dearest women in my life, and I'm really, really looking forward to it.  Because my MOH lives out of state, the blessing time will be held in the livingroom of what will be our first home together ... which only adds to the "specialness."
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