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Rude to ask friends/classmates if they can staff our wedding?


After considering destination weddings in several different places, FI and I are now looking at having the ceremony at a local church, w/ a dessert reception in the fellowship hall. This way, we can stay within our small budget and still have a larger guest list. The problem is that the caterer/bakery we'd like to use doesn't really have servers, they just set-up, and deliver the food, and then come back later to collect their rental items. I'd like to ask some kids I know from college to act as servers, clear away dishes and whatnot. (they would be well-paid, of course) Is this tacky?

I know these folks pretty well, since my school's creative writing department is pretty small and we're a closely knit group, but I'm not really enough to them that I would invite them to my wedding. And none of them would ever expect to be.

So, is it rude to ask people I know to work? Hiring an actual uniformed serving staff is too expensive, and I don't want just any random person who might respond to an ad.

Re: Rude to ask friends/classmates if they can staff our wedding?

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    Yes.  It basically says, "We know you, but don't like you enough to invite you to our wedding, but come work for us anyway!"  It puts them in an awkward position if they don't want to.

    Can't you post a notice on the department's bulletin board?  That way if anyone is interested, they'll contact you, and it won't just be random people off the street.
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    I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. I mean, I couldn't imagine one of my classmates coming up to me and asking me to serve at their wedding.

    It's like, "Hey, you weren't important enough to get invited to the wedding, so how about you serve cake at my wedding as a consultation prize? I'll even pay you!"

    It just seems really tacky.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-ask-friendsclassmates-can-staff-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c70dc2fa-5c35-474f-b1c8-79046299f210Post:e3cb7386-a478-4689-a1e1-22310d9caf9c">Rude to ask friends/classmates if they can staff our wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]After considering destination weddings in several different places, FI and I are now looking at having the ceremony at a local church, w/ a dessert reception in the fellowship hall. This way, we can stay within our small budget and still have a larger guest list. The problem is that the caterer/bakery we'd like to use doesn't really have servers, they just set-up, and deliver the food, and then come back later to collect their rental items. I'd like to ask some kids I know from college to act as servers, clear away dishes and whatnot. (they would be well-paid, of course) Is this tacky? I know these folks pretty well, since my school's creative writing department is pretty small and we're a closely knit group, but I'm not really enough to them that I would invite them to my wedding. And none of them would ever expect to be. So, is it rude to ask people I know to work? Hiring an actual uniformed serving staff is too expensive, and I don't want just any random person who might respond to an ad.
    Posted by LoveWins88[/QUOTE]
    I wouldn't do it.
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    Its very rude.
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    I wouldn't do it either. I would be annoyed if I was asked to staff the wedding of someone I know. If it's at your church, maybe church members would volunteer to do it? Are you planning on paying people you know to do this?
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    What Brie said. Post a notice. Or spread the word, "Oh hey, do you know anyone who's interested in a catering gig? I need to hire a few servers." Rather than, "OMG, I had the best idea! I want you to serve cake at my wedding!"
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    yea, that's kinda a bitch move honestly. put up a flyer or an ad on craigslist or something that you're looking for x amout of people to act as servers and see who calls.
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    "Hey, we'd love to have you at our wedding!  Oh, but you know what we'd like even more?  If you could WORK at the wedding!  Wouldn't that be fun?"
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    I think hiring people you don't know sounds like a better idea.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-ask-friendsclassmates-can-staff-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c70dc2fa-5c35-474f-b1c8-79046299f210Post:b9569115-36b7-4b8d-8ff9-4acf1a0c2a83">Re: Rude to ask friends/classmates if they can staff our wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What Brie said. Post a notice. Or spread the word, "Oh hey, do you know anyone who's interested in a catering gig? I need to hire a few servers." Rather than, "OMG, I had the best idea! I want you to serve cake at my wedding!"
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Ok, this makes sense. Thanks for the opinions, ladies.
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    Yeah, unfortunately it's going to come off rude.

    I had similar thoughts because the hotel we blocked rooms at, while they offer free parking, did not have a shuttle, but my dad has a 15 passenger van and I thought "Man, if only someone he knew and trusted could drive it and shuttle people back and forth...oh wait, they'll wonder why they weren't invited to the wedding...damn" and that was the end of that idea.
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    edited March 2010
    If you have a culinary department at your school or a nearby school you could see if you could post a flier there? Or at your church.



    EDIT: Looks like you have a LONG time to be worrying about that before your wedding.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-ask-friendsclassmates-can-staff-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c70dc2fa-5c35-474f-b1c8-79046299f210Post:89a7b876-174b-4484-9b5b-25ce8bca2db7">Re: Rude to ask friends/classmates if they can staff our wedding?</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Hey, we'd love to have you at our wedding!  Oh, but you know what we'd like even more?  If you could WORK at the wedding!  Wouldn't that be fun?"
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    "Oh, and PS, we'll also be paying you less than we'd pay a staff of strangers. But that's ok, right? We can be cheaper with people we know. Cause it's an honor to just be there, right?"
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    Where in the realm of common sense does this sound like a good plan to you? Really, I  want to know? The saving money part?
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    What are you paying?  I'm in Atlanta and could stand to make an extra buck.
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    You can also check and see if the college has a Hospitality Management department or a catering job on campus. Our catering dept. would do huge college events like Weddings, company dinners, or leave for off campus catered events. They are still college kids so it would cost less than a private caterer, but they will also have training and incentive to be professional about the job.
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    mushEmushE member
    First Comment
    You could also check with the church - they might know older teens or something that they would recommend.
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    When I was pledging my sorority, a girl who had graduated the year before asked our pledge class if we could come help out at her wedding. She sent a long email detailing what we could and could not do (one of them was show up drunk). I think maybe one or two girls got suckered into doing it. I said a big hell to the no to that.
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