Wedding Etiquette Forum

Time between friend's wedding and our wedding?

So we and a couple we are very close with got engaged within a couple months from each other... Now that we've all starter officially planning, they're planning an April wedding, and I'd like mine to be in March of the same year, as both my parents and grandparents both got married March 12, so I'd like to keep with the March tradition. Is it rude for me to chose a wedding date a month before theirs? Ours will be a destination wedding as I'm from out of town, and this is non-negotiable. They have not decided on a wedding location, and are considering both local and destination locations... Will their wedding being a month after mine get in the way of our friends being able to attend? We have overlapping friends, but that wouldn't be the majority of the wedding party. Would my wedding steal their wedding's thunder? Just want to make sure I'm not doing something rude by having my wedding a month earlier!

Re: Time between friend's wedding and our wedding?

  • You guys get one day, and they get one day.  You should pick your dates based on what works for you.

    Obviously if your weddings are a month apart, then some overlapping guests may need to decide if they can go to both, or pick one to go to.   But you say that there are only a few guests who would overlap, so I don't think it would be a big deal.  

  • I think this is totally fine.   Our good frends got engaged after us and chose a wedding a month before ours.  Honestly, we never gave it a second thought.
  • Truthfully neither couple has an official wedding date until the venues are booked, so at this point it seems neither couple actually has a date set in stone.  But as PPs have said, each couple gets one day.  It's up to your mutual friends to decide if they can afford to attend both weddings within the same month. 
  • Our wedding was a month before a good friend of mine, and we had probably about 30 mutual guests.  I don't think anybody had issues with it, however both of our weddings were local.  The only friend who had trouble was a friend who lived out of state so she couldn't travel to both, and went to friend's wedding since she was a BM.  
    Just be prepared that if you both do DW you might have guests choose one or the other, or neither wedding to attend.  Also some might not travel to your DW, but that happens regardless of when you pick your date.
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  • how about just talking to the friend & see what they say? If they are as good of a friend as you say you guys should be able to work it out  together. 
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  • I think this is fine. A good friend of mine is getting married two weeks after me and it's worked out fine.
  • One of my best friends is getting married one week after us.  She had the date first.  We wanted to get married in May and couldn't book the church and ended up pushing back to September because our summers here are so unbearably warm we felt like it would be very uncomfortable for all our out-of-town guests.  I felt like a real jerk!  But the truth is, we had to do what was best for our families and most guests. We will only end up with maybe 5 overlapping guests, including her and her SO.  We also pushed back our honeymoon a week to allow us to attend their wedding  (it helped that our FF miles better aligned with their date!). 

    Bottom line: she doesn't hate me, has been very understanding and we are going out of our way to pay the favor back and show them how important they are to us.  I worry that she will be very stressed that weekend, but hopefully it all works out!  I think a month is enough time for it to be ok.

    PS  Four different sorority sisters of mine are all getting married this September, myself included.  There are quite a few overlapping guests between the four weddings.  No one has indicated they will decline yet, though I suppose mine being OOT would be the likely culprit.  I understand and am ok with that.  I think once you get to the point where you are making guest lists and having to cut people and trying to stay in budget, you won't be as disappointed when not everyone can make it.
  • A month is more than enough time between weddings. I know you don't want to step on anybody's toes, but like PP's said you both only get one day, and you have to do what's best for you. 

    Don't stress about it too much - if you really wanted to drive youself crazy you could start considering all the other weddings your guests are going to. In the next 6 months FI and I have been invited to 7 SEVEN weddings, 3 in september on back to back weekends, all from our various social circles. As guests we'll figure out which ones we can attend, but it's a good heads up as a bride to realize there are a lot of schedules going into a wedding, but the most important ones to consider are yours and your VIP's when choosing a date.
  • A wedding date is chosen based on what works for all the VIP's and the B&G.  You need to choose the date that works well for your family as well as FI's and any other "must-haves".  Those are the people you just can't imagine not having at your wedding.

    If you both have DWs there is a good chance that those who are overlapping on your guest lists will choose one over the other.  Very few people would be willing to attend 2 DWs within a month of each other.  Also realize that when you choose to have a DW there will be people who will not attend due to the cost.  Doesn't mean they don't really love you and support your marriage - they just have to be careful with finances and vacay time.

    If March is the date that works well for you, FI, and your VIPs then that is fine and not rude at all.  Like the others said, you only get one day.
  • I ended up having a 2 year engagement for a similar reason - but it was my moh who got engaged right before me and picked a may date when I wanted April, and I was her moh. If it's just a friend though that would be a guest I don't think it's a big deal to pick a date close to hers.
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  • My best friend and I have are having our weddings 4 weeks apart.  We are each a BM in the other's wedding and even one of my BMs is her MOH.  It has worked out just fine, and actually, has been fun planning together.  We are actually having a joint bachelorette party in couple of weeks and should be a blast!
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