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Everything but dinner

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Re: Everything but dinner

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Op - everyone has covered your sister's wedding so I'll skip that, except to say I agree with everyone.  As far as the invitation you have just received?  I've never seen that in my life and I would be declining the invitation and I would not be sending a gift.  Just incredibly rude to treat your guests differently from one another.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:0bb8803c-8ca7-4e10-a0c0-372e87e5aae4">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok i understand where you guys are coming from but it was not a matter of cost it was a matter of the size of the location. We live in a small area and the biggest Place here for a reception and dinner can only hold 175 people. So between the two families they ran out of room. She felt horrible for not being able to invite everyone but there was no way she could. That is why she provided the alternate location. Oh and when I say snack i dont mean just chips and peanuts. They had finger sandwiches, fruit, veggies, cheese & sausage tray, and of course chips and that stuff. 
    Posted by wildchild3604[/QUOTE]


    So 1) Why didn't they get the same meal as everyone else, even if the venue couldn't accomodate them? and 2) how did everyone fit into the venue AFTER dinner? Did she just have 2 separate receptions in different locations? Did people just squeeze in like sardines? Not have seats? Come in in shifts? Mill around outside?
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:774a9d77-cb89-4f1e-a08a-e1df15793b52">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : All that means is that some parties may have ceremony with 100 and dinner with 100, others may do larger group, but the only reception is the cocktail reception -- which is just finet too.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    On the venues websites and info packets it says, "max cap for ceremony with seating set up as chapel traditional 200. Sit down dinner max cap is 100. Cocktail reception(which generally has the taller tables to set purses and drinks on while you dance or walk around mingling and few shorter tables for sitting) max cap 300. When I asked one of the venues what that meant, they said, how they set up tables/chairs for each different event the max cap varies so there is space to walk/serve the dinner or for an alter for ceremony.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:9f8c8133-53d3-498d-aee4-2dd3cab09be3">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : Or you were one of the first-class guests ;-)
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    Maybe we were ;-)

    Of course one of my favorite wedding invites my family ever received was when I was 14 yrs old and my cousin got married. His mom(my aunt) called my mom 1 week before the wedding and asked us not to come because she needed the seats from our family(6 of us total) for her boss and his family. I found out later my aunt uninvited my cousin's stepmom's family as well as a few other of our own family.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:44d889af-82ff-44e7-89be-6a93ba2e5fc3">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : I am so confused as to what this has to do with anything.  
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Some PP have asked how the OP's sister had only 175 at the dinner and everyone at the dance/later part of the reception since the max cap was 175. I said that in looking at different venues in the Milwaukee area, like the Domes, they had different max caps for what you would be doing. In asking the venue coordinators they said the difference(in some cases up to 100 people difference) was because of chairs/tables and/or lack there of if you did more a cocktail reception vs the full sit down dinner. I used made up numbers before but this is the website <a href="http://county.milwaukee.gov/TheDomes22802.htm" rel="nofollow">http://county.milwaukee.gov/TheDomes22802.htm</a> on renting The Domes for a reception.

    <em><span style="font-family:Verdana;font-size:10pt;"><strong>Details for the Conservatory (The Domes)</strong>
    <strong>Available:</strong> Year round, evenings
    <strong>Capacity:</strong> 275 seated dinner or 500 for cocktail event
    <strong>Accessibility:</strong> Wheelchair accessible
    <strong>Amenities:</strong> 3 massive gardens under glass, pixel-lights in the Show Dome and indirect lighting in the lobby, round tables, cabaret tables, café tables, rectangular tables, white wooden chairs, metal folding chairs, air conditioning in lobby area, smoke-free environment
    <strong>Amenities available for an add'l fee:</strong> Firebird Suite Show—3-minute light show set to the music of Stravinsky's Firebird Suite; Custom Light Show
    <strong>Catering/Bar Service:</strong> Parks Division contracted vendor (See web link below)
    <strong>Parking:</strong> Ample parking in lit adjacent lots
    </span>

    </em>
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:a50edc7a-d9da-4012-848f-af740225424d">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really wish I had a scanner right not so I could post a copy of the most recent invite that we got. It is for one of my husbands coworker. And on the big card it has the normal please join us stuff at this church at such n such time. Then on the bottom left corner it says please join us for the reception at 7pm. So a friend of mine who also works with my husband started talking to be about this and I guess they have know the couple longer and they also got the same invite we did but they also got invited to the dinner. 
    Posted by wildchild3604[/QUOTE]

    Your husband has some INCREDIBLY rude coworkers. I'd skip the entire thing, as well as the present.
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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:88b52a09-f262-49a4-9b84-27c0b7e97006">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : Yes, I get that part.  What I don't get is how that negates the point pps were making, which was "if it was about room and not money, then why didn't they just use whatever configuration they used later in the evening."  You seem to be arguing with pps but not actually disproving anything.   We all understand that some venues can be set up different ways and have varying capacity based on that.  What we're saying we don't get is how sis was using space as an excuse if the venue was obviously able to hold them all at the same time later in the evening.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I think it's because, as a cocktail reception, not everyone gets a seat or a space at a table, while with a sitdown dinner you need that space for everyone. Hence why she figured if she was going to host a dinner, she could but with only 175 guests and then have the tables moved and accomodate more.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I personally find the space excuse to be silly. What happened to public parks? Fairgrounds? Heck, someone with a big back yard. If OPs sister actually cared, she would have found a way. Weddings arn't tools to be used to exclude, snub, ostracize, or otherwise socially give the bird to people. They are the exact opposite. And people remember brides who didn't care enough about people who took the time and expense to be there to be respectful to them in return.
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:88b52a09-f262-49a4-9b84-27c0b7e97006">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : Yes, I get that part.  What I don't get is how that negates the point pps were making, which was "if it was about room and not money, then why didn't they just use whatever configuration they used later in the evening."  You seem to be arguing with pps but not actually disproving anything.   We all understand that some venues can be set up different ways and have varying capacity based on that.  What we're saying we don't get is how sis was using space as an excuse if the venue was obviously able to hold them all at the same time later in the evening.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I just was giving the PP the idea that maybe the venue the OP's sister picked had a tiered max cap. When I typed into google 350 plus wedding venue in Milwaukee, The Domes came up because they can accomodate up to 500, however if we decide to do a sit down dinner, they wouldn't work for us.

    The only person I really "argued" with on it was NYGirl when she said that some people might only have 100 for both ceremony and reception and others might have more. My point was that maybe whatever venue the OP's sister picked said, sit down dinner max 175 and cocktail reception 350. Yes, they should have booked a larger place for a full sit down meal to accomodate EVERYONE or done a cocktail reception if they wanted to book that venue.  How is it arguing if I was just pointing out the idea of a tiered max cap for the venue?
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • wildchild3604wildchild3604
    First Comment
    OK this has gotten way out of hand. I wish i would have never posted this question on here other than to know if it is rude or not. Again thank you all for your input it is much appreciated. 
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  • StephJean83StephJean83 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:5bc5fd47-af6d-43c2-8cf3-87781ecd5ed9">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]The venue can have different maximum capacities because you don't have to max out on all 3.  You can decrease number at ceremony and have 100 at ceremony and 100 for dinner.  Or you can have more for ceremony, and not have sit down dinner and just have cocktail reception.
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    They can because some people use the locations for only dinner or only ceremony. But the OP said her sister's venue could only hold 175 for dinner so they hosted "2 receptions" with apparently different food, and everyone later for the dancing part of the reception where the bride/groom had their dinner. 

     As a bride, if the venue I'm looking at can hold 200 for ceremony, 150 for sitdown dinner or 350 for a cocktail reception, and my guest list is 350 that place would be out because anyone invited to my reception will be invited to my ceremony. I know some people have parents/siblings/nephews/nieces/grandparents/their children only at the ceremony and a larger reception with friends and extended family but the reception should be in one place and everyone invited to the whole reception or not at all.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
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  • amymaysaamymaysa
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:fdd5ba7f-d5e7-4d1b-88c0-9676ee8b4c43">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the largest place could hold 175, then that should have been the max size of the guest list, period. Obviously what's done is done, but assuming that you aren't married yet you should learn from her mistake.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]


    I agree with this 100%.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:cd39a1ac-d2d7-4928-ab24-0d8ef4d14e8e">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Everything but dinner : They can because some people use the locations for only dinner or only ceremony. But the OP said her sister's venue could only hold 175 for dinner so they hosted "2 receptions" with apparently different food, and everyone later for the dancing part of the reception where the bride/groom had their dinner.   As a bride, if the venue I'm looking at can hold 200 for ceremony, 150 for sitdown dinner or 350 for a cocktail reception, and my guest list is 350 that place would be out because anyone invited to my reception will be invited to my ceremony. I know some people have parents/siblings/nephews/nieces/grandparents/their children only at the ceremony and a larger reception with friends and extended family but the reception should be in one place and everyone invited to the whole reception or not at all.
    Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    That place should be out not because it can't hold all the people for the ceremony (you could have that somewhere else), but because you shouldn't do what they are calling a "cocktail reception" for your wedding reception. Five hours of not having a seat and only having tiny cocktail tables to eat and drink off of? No, thank you.

    That's why I asked the OP what happened  to the "extra" guests. They all just showed up and stood around the bar after getting their finger foods? Did they force everyone else to stand up and take away all the tables and chairs? That sounds miserable.
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:c92bee67-789f-4553-b461-67cbf40c84dd">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait, ou actually think it's okay to have everyone at the ceremony be split into 2 different groups?  One gets a full dinner and an opportunity to hangout with the couple.  The other gets finger sandwiches and do not even get to hang out with the couple Wow. I wonder if you were in the sandwich group if you would think differently. The easy answer was to only have 175 people.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    THIS.

    I've heard of a lot of tiered receptions, but they usually involve inviting people only to the later party of the reception (still RUDE).

    But to actually divide up the guests, send some to the actual reception dinner with the bride and grooms, and send the others to a stupid snack location without the bride and groom?  WTF?

    This "175 limit" is bulls***.  Either invite only 175 people, OR... have your wedding in some kind of open space that can fit more people.  I don't care how small your town is, if you have a good amount of money, you can find an open space for a reception.  Unless it's ridiculously hot or cold outside, that would have been fine.  Then everyone could have eaten and been together.  Or, of course, just limit the guests to 175 people. 

    I'd much rather not be invited at all than separated off from the "better" guests into a snack room during dinner.

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  • bridalmarchbridalmarch member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:a50edc7a-d9da-4012-848f-af740225424d">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really wish I had a scanner right not so I could post a copy of the most recent invite that we got. It is for one of my husbands coworker. And on the big card it has the normal please join us stuff at this church at such n such time. Then on the bottom left corner it says please join us for the reception at 7pm. So a friend of mine who also works with my husband started talking to be about this and I guess they have know the couple longer and they also got the same invite we did but they also got invited to the dinner. 
    Posted by wildchild3604[/QUOTE]

    <div>What "dinner" do you mean? Are they invited to the rehearsal dinner and you aren't? Or is it ceremony at 3:00, dinner at 5:00, then dancing at 7:00? That way is...rude. To me, reception = dinner.  </div>
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_everything-but-dinner?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ad1f60-d94a-4c81-bff0-5258f9f1925aPost:0bb8803c-8ca7-4e10-a0c0-372e87e5aae4">Re: Everything but dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok i understand where you guys are coming from but it was not a matter of cost it was a matter of the size of the location. We live in a small area and the biggest Place here for a reception and dinner can only hold 175 people. So between the two families they ran out of room. She felt horrible for not being able to invite everyone but there was no way she could. That is why she provided the alternate location. Oh and when I say snack i dont mean just chips and peanuts. They had finger sandwiches, fruit, veggies, cheese & sausage tray, and of course chips and that stuff. 
    Posted by wildchild3604[/QUOTE]

    I have a hard time believing a decent-sized city like Milwaukee wouldn't have a venue that could host a bigger party.
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