Advice! Did not receive gift!

talgirl84

My college friend is getting married and I cannot attend her wedding but I sent her a gift from her registry anyway. I sent her an invitation to my wedding which is abroad. She asked me if I had a registry and I don't because it's customary in the country where I'm getting married to get cash/checks. I told her this and she just sent me a thank you card, that is it! Personally I think this is rude. Should I set up a registry for just a few items for the guests who ask? Some people think giving checks is impersonal but I really don't see why a blender would be so much more special! Should I say something to this friend? Advice?

crfische

She sent you a thank you card for the gift you gave her?

Im not seeing the problem. You should be appreciate that she sent you a thank you card for the gift you get her.

Unless you're worrying that she's not gonna give you a present. Then that just makes you kinda douchey.

nda_roxybabe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-did-not-receive-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9cdbf7e-b9a8-45f4-abeb-d92ab44b01e0Post:a92ee273-048e-4247-a823-977ff08b5293">Advice! Did not receive gift!</a>:
[QUOTE]My college friend is getting married and I cannot attend her wedding but I sent her a gift from her registry anyway. I sent her an invitation to my wedding which is abroad. She asked me if I had a registry and I don't because it's customary in the country where I'm getting married to get cash/checks. I told her this and she just sent me a thank you card, that is it! Personally I think this is rude. Should I set up a registry for just a few items for the guests who ask? Some people think giving checks is impersonal but I really don't see why a blender would be so much more special! Should I say something to this friend? Advice?
Posted by talgirl84[/QUOTE]
I think telling someone you want cash/ checks is rude.

andyandhillary

I think you were rude and in response to your lack of class she didn't give you a gift at all.  I wouldn't do it personally but a lot of people would. 

smokeybailey

So she felt uncomfortable sending you cash or a check.  That's the end of that.  She didn't want to go to target, pick out something you would hate and then pay to ship it to where you are.

That's kind of the end of that tale.  What were you expecting?

And, yes, you should have a registry for those who don't like to give cash or checks and I swear I will poke my eyes out if you say, "But I have everything."  You don't so don't say it.

crfische

Well...IIII have everything. But that's neither here nor there.

nda_roxybabe

Fische- do you have the kitchen aid ice cream maker?

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-did-not-receive-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9cdbf7e-b9a8-45f4-abeb-d92ab44b01e0Post:522d8ecf-b33c-455e-b9b5-52ee68d9de25">Re: Advice! Did not receive gift!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well...IIII have everything. But that's neither here nor there.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

No way.  I don't believe it.  You're going to tell me that I can't upgrade your clubs, your bag or any of your accessories?  I can't buy you a season pass (or whatever) to your favorite course?

I might just get you beautiful new leather gloves that say, 'smokey's b!tch' on them.  Now, you've got everything.

:)

Mrs.B6302007

So do you always give gifts expecting gifts in return?

crfische

OOOO, I'll look forward to getting them in the mail!!

Truth be told, I have a GREAT number of wedding gifts that I have NEVER used so if I DID have the KA icecream maker, I wouldn't know it.

But I do know I don't have it.

nda_roxybabe

Wellll, hmmph.

ExpatPumpkin

When you have a bicultural wedding, you need to accommodate both sets of guests.  If that means no registry in the "checks for gifts" country, then so be it.  You wouldn't want to push the concept of a registry on them. 

But by the same token, you also need to be sensitive to your American guests.  Have a small registry here if people are asking about it. 

I married someone from another country, so I also had to walk a fine line of accommodating both cultures.  It's really not that hard

Krysti21

She's not required to give you a gift. Telling her that you wanted cash/checks is rude, regardless of what the custom is in the country where you're getting married. In this country, that's rude. I don't blame her for not giving a gift.

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-did-not-receive-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9cdbf7e-b9a8-45f4-abeb-d92ab44b01e0Post:e1495df3-ba80-4f27-a7d4-d1a64670c2db">Re: Advice! Did not receive gift!</a>:
[QUOTE]OOOO, I'll look forward to getting them in the mail!! Truth be told, I have a GREAT number of wedding gifts that I have NEVER used so if I DID have the KA icecream maker, I wouldn't know it. But I do know I don't have it. ;)
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

This is curious to me.  Did you register for them or were they random garden gnomes?  Would you consider exchanging them for something you WOULD use?  In all seriousness, if I bought something for someone that was useless for them I would want them to trade it in.

prideeinpynk

Has your wedding even happened yet? Maybe she's waiting until the wedding to send a gift, and the thank you card was for the gift you sent her?

Though, if the classiness you've shown in this post is any indication of your personality, I hope she doesn't send anything.

crfische

OH I REGISTERED FOR IT ALL RIGHT.

I think I thought that we would magically start spending time in the kitchen once we were married.

Alas, the kitchen continues to be a labyrinth that I was never given the map to. But I DO have a sweet food processor. Never used. BUT IM HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT I WILL.

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_advice-did-not-receive-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9cdbf7e-b9a8-45f4-abeb-d92ab44b01e0Post:5b422728-4d9d-43ae-9629-7543d46251d0">Re: Advice! Did not receive gift!</a>:
[QUOTE]OH I REGISTERED FOR IT ALL RIGHT. I think I thought that we would magically start spending time in the kitchen once we were married. Alas, the kitchen continues to be a labyrinth that I was never given the map to. But I DO have a sweet food processor. Never used. BUT IM HOLDING OUT HOPE THAT I WILL.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

I needed a food processor last week when I made hummus.  Doing that shiit by hand was a PITA.

I think that I will register for wine.  Lots of wine.

nda_roxybabe

I needed a food processor when I made Christmas cookies that consisted mostly of chopped nuts. Never again will I chop all the those nuts by hand

J&K10910

Psssst, if you want to get rid of that food processor, you may bring it to Roch with you in June.

crfische

Well, I have a magic bullet, too, and I find that easier to use. AND you can make your margaritas RIGHT IN THE MUGS.

crfische

J!! I'm thinking Friday looks like it'll be the winner.

J&K10910

I want a magic bullet! 

Friday it is!  I'll make sure I don't pick up a shift then   We're moving out of Roch, but not too far, so it's all good.

crfische

Well, PHEW!!!

So yeah, Friday night or Saturday for lunch would have worked, but it sounds like you're already free friday, so bring it, sister friend!

J&K10910

Oh Saturday lunch would work too, I just figured you'd be busy.  I just have to work at 3 on Saturday.  Whichever is better!  I'm pretty freakin' excited

crfische

YYYYEYEEEEEE!!! ME TOO!!

1shaz

I would not say anything to the friend.  If she did not attend the wedding, she may not have felt it necessary for her to give a gift (even though you sent her one) and if your wedding has not yet happened, she likely has not even thought about buying a gift yet.  The other possibility is that she was put off by the money request and decided to rebel with no gift.  I do not think you were rude to say what you did as you simply stated the customs of where you are getting married, but when it comes to weddings.. people get offended easily.

No matter the reasoning... I would not say a word to her.  No one is obligated to buy a gift, especially if they don't attend.

Mrs.B6302007

RE: Magic Bullet

Could they have picked a more sex-toyish name for a food related gadget?

crfische

I know, right? I feel dirty just saying it.

J&K10910

Wait...The Magic Bullet is a kitchen gadget? 

crfische

Well, I mean I wouldn't google it or anything to prove that I'm telling the truth, but YES.

julezlee

We have and use the Kitchen Aid ice cream maker. 

What I don't have and NEED is a food processor.  Really, DH needs it because clearly I won't be doing anything with it besides deciding where it looks best in the kitchen.