Wedding Etiquette Forum

How rude!

So my sister-in-law mentioned that if we had a Catholic ceremony (which we are) that she would just go to the reception and skip the ceremony because "those weddings take soooo long" really? Really, you can't sit though a 45 minute ceremony, but I am supposed to pay for you to eat and drink, and party all night? How freakin' rude. I'm sure she'll show for the ceremony but who even says that?! Arg!
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Re: How rude!

  • Serious question: are they really only 45 minutes? I was led to believe they were much much longer, but I have never been to a Catholic wedding personally. Protestant weddings are generally quick, so maybe my friends/family were exaggerating when they said 2 hours...

    Anyway, yes, I get why you're peeved. She probably could have done without saying that. Do you think there is any chance she was just joking with you? I mean, people tease me about being Baptist because we "dunk" rather than sprinkle, and I don't get all upset about it, but then again, it's only people who know me well enough to joke around like that. Are you and your SIL not close?
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  • etrattlesetrattles member
    First Comment
    edited January 2012
    They can run 45-to like an hour and 15 minutes (or longer I guess is the preist is long winded)  but because we are not having communion, just a litergy of the word and exchanging of the vows it should run about 45 minutes. I don't think that 45 minutes is too much to ask! I think she was serious, sadly, but I know that when push comes to shove she knows that she really doesn't have an option as sister of the groom to not attend (and her momma wouldn't be happy at all) Who knows maybe she was joking....though you think it would have been followed by a "just giving you a hard time" or somthing. I don't know it just bugged me because we are putting our all into this.
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  • Ya, that was rude. Just let it roll off your shoulders. It's a blessing humans can't read each other's minds. She should have kept the comment to herself.
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  • Yeah, it was rude of her to say. They're long, true, but if I can sit through a math class without killing myself, I can watch two people I care about get married, KWIM? And, just like math class, I don't understand half of what's going on...
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  • Wow, that is crazy rude! You're going to come up against a lot of lame, rude comments from people. Nothing you can do about it. But vent on the boards!
  • I have only been to two Catholic weddings and both where over an hour and a half so yes I do have a preconcieved notion of Catholic weddings and yes after the 2nd one I skipped the next two Catholic weddings ( I heard also LONG) and hit the reception. Lots of people do it, the worst thing is her TELLING the person your goiing to do it.

    I'm Episcapalian (Catholism light) but was very open to the minister that the whole darn thing needed to be under 30 minutes so people could eat by 7:45 and he says it shouldn't be a problem. So I would maybe make sure you make it REALLY clear to the minister the LONGEST you want it so he doesn't drag on forever.
  • I have never been to a Catholic wedding and I have heard that they can be about the same length as a regular ceremony or they can be long. I do find what your sister said to be rude. But at least she wants to attend part of your wedding. My sister didn't attend mine at all and it still hurts.

    Did anyone else read the post title in the voice of Stephanie Tanner from Full House?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:0f15b468-4666-4d5b-aa00-218bf5bb3d68">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did anyone else read the post title in the voice of Stephanie Tanner from Full House?
    Posted by Ciaram22[/QUOTE]

    Yep.

    And being Catholic, I've been to many Catholic weddings, none of which were even an hour long (all full Masses).  Our own Mass was over in about 50 minutes.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:5f83ccf2-da09-4f96-b274-95ca8a93656b">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have only been to two Catholic weddings and both where over an hour and a half so yes I do have a preconcieved notion of Catholic weddings and yes after the 2nd one I skipped the next two Catholic weddings ( I heard also LONG) and hit the reception. Lots of people do it, the worst thing is her TELLING the person your goiing to do it. I'm Episcapalian (Catholism light) but was very open to the minister that the whole darn thing needed to be under 30 minutes so people could eat by 7:45 and he says it shouldn't be a problem. So I would maybe make sure you make it REALLY clear to the minister the LONGEST you want it so he doesn't drag on forever.
    Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]





    So in your book, it's OK to be sneaky and not attend rather than to be up front and not attend??



    NEWSFLASH:: You were pretty freakin rude too.
  • Does it bug anyone else that someone can't spell the name of her religion?  Episcopalian.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:9c5feae4-8add-476b-89f9-b1b103839c00">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does it bug anyone else that someone can't spell the name of her religion?  Episcopalian.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]



    I figured calling attention to skipping two Catholic weddings because they would be "too long" was enough. But yes, you'd think one would be able to spell her religion.
  • I've been to a number of Catholic ceremonies and they ranged from 45 minutes to an hour and a half. I am not Catholic but I respect that each couple chooses the way they want to have their ceremony.

    On another note, I am much more annoyed when the wedding is ill-planned and everything starts really late. The last wedding I went to started half an hour late and then was an hour and a half long. The couple hadn't thought about how people were being transported to picture sites prior to the ceremony and the bridal party was an hour late to pictures which pushed back the ceremony. The reception started late as well (no clue the reason- might not have been within their control) and the cake wasn't even cut until 10PM. 
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  • I've never been to a Catholic wedding that was longer than an hour. Like PPs said, if you can sit through a college lecture, you should be able to watch a wedding ceremony.

    The longest ceremony I ever sat through was at a "born again" non-demoninational Christian church, interestingly enough. They had about ten "church elders" who gathered around the bride and groom and each took a turn praying over them. There were a lot of Bible readings and musical soloists. It was long, it was slow-going, but I would never have even THOUGHT about skipping that ceremony. (The lemonade fountain at the reception made up for it tenfold, I have to say.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:5f83ccf2-da09-4f96-b274-95ca8a93656b">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have only been to two Catholic weddings and both where over an hour and a half so yes I do have a preconcieved notion of Catholic weddings and yes after the 2nd one I skipped the next two Catholic weddings ( I heard also LONG) and hit the reception. Lots of people do it, the worst thing is her TELLING the person your goiing to do it.<strong> I'm Episcapalian (Catholism light) but was very open to the minister that the whole darn thing needed to be under 30 minutes so people could eat by 7:45 and he says it shouldn't be a problem.</strong> So I would maybe make sure you make it REALLY clear to the minister the LONGEST you want it so he doesn't drag on forever.
    Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]

    <div>I hate sitting through long ceremonies as much as the next person, but I am literally stunned that you'd presume to tell a member of the clergy how long or short their ceremony should be. </div>
  • Here's what's always annoyed me about people who are "annoyed" or skip any ceremony longer than 30 minutes: It's about the marriage. It's not about the meal and dancing, it's not about an open bar. Be there for your friend for the important part of her day, not the part where you'll have the most fun.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:9c5feae4-8add-476b-89f9-b1b103839c00">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does it bug anyone else that someone can't spell the name of her religion?  Episcopalian.
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]



    Geez, thank you! I wanted to call that out.

    Also, it's rude not to attend a ceremony but go to the reception unless the invitation was specifically meant for it to be that way. Why do people have such a hard time sitting through a ceremony, even if it is close to two hours? Get over it and be an adult.

    For the record, I'm Episcopalian too and our ceremony was 20 minutes, but I would happily sit through a Catholic mass for a loved one.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:60f311c3-a7b0-445e-9324-ff5cb0371f17">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Here's what's always annoyed me about people who are "annoyed" or skip any ceremony longer than 30 minutes: It's about the marriage. It's not about the meal and dancing, it's not about an open bar. Be there for your friend for the important part of her day, not the part where you'll have the most fun.
    Posted by krizzo17[/QUOTE]

    Funny, because I care very little about most of the people I'm inviting actually witnessing the wedding. I just want to celebrate with them after!

    OP- It wasn't the nicest thing to say. It wasn't the worst either. Let it go.
  • Birdie1483Birdie1483 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:5f83ccf2-da09-4f96-b274-95ca8a93656b">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have only been to two Catholic weddings and both where over an hour and a half so yes I do have a preconcieved notion of Catholic weddings and<strong> yes after the 2nd one I skipped the next two Catholic weddings ( I heard also LONG) and hit the reception. Lots of people do it</strong>, the worst thing is her TELLING the person your goiing to do it. I'm Episcapalian (Catholism light) but was very open to the minister that the whole darn thing needed to be under 30 minutes so people could eat by 7:45 and he says it shouldn't be a problem. So I would maybe make sure you make it REALLY clear to the minister the LONGEST you want it so he doesn't drag on forever.
    Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]

    Honestly I think this is very rude and insulting. Sure, some things come up and people might not be able to make the ceremony due to a prior engagement. But not coming to the ceremony just because you think it'll be long and boring is very rude and insulting in my opinion. This is their religion and something that's most likely very important to them if they're including it in their wedding ceremony. And the ceremony is the entire point of the day. There wouldn't be a reception if there wasn't a ceremony. Some see the reception as still celebrating the marriage, but it really is BECAUSE of the actual ceremony.

    And for the record, I'm not religious and we had a 15 minute civil ceremony. I just think if you're close enough to be invited to someone's wedding ceremony, you should respect it and attend if you plan on going to the reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:e1c713b2-853e-49f9-b360-0396fefbc0d6">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How rude! : Funny, because I care very little about most of the people I'm inviting actually witnessing the wedding. I just want to celebrate with them after! OP- It wasn't the nicest thing to say. It wasn't the worst either. Let it go.
    Posted by JJJ625[/QUOTE]

    It actually wasn't funny. I agree with her 100%.
  • JJJ625JJJ625 member
    First Comment
    edited January 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:a49ebb97-0e6c-4a6b-ad78-7d1a0e8f7286">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How rude! : It actually wasn't funny. I agree with her 100%.
    Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]
    It wasn't a "haha laughing at you" funny.  I meant "funny" not to tell her she's wrong, but that her opinion about that is different than mine.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:7301b70b-1568-4280-922a-38a74bf1ed8b">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How rude! : It wasn't a "haha laughing at you" funny.  I meant "funny" not to tell her she's wrong, but that her opinion about that is different than mine.
    Posted by JJJ625[/QUOTE]




    And you opinion is that it's OK to do something flat out rude. That's just bad advice to give period but it has no place on an etiquette board.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:09ed8b84-c5b2-4bb7-b536-03b5d4f1c74e">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How rude! : And you opinion is that it's OK to do something flat out rude. That's just bad advice to give period but it has no place on an etiquette board.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    It's very rude TO YOU. Etiquette is supposed to make people feel comfortable. As a  bride planning a wedding, it wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable if someone did that. I never said it was THE thing to do, or that it's OK for everyone.
    Good lord.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:768e9fb7-da1b-42fa-a114-b9cc2fe51519">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How rude! : It's very rude TO YOU. Etiquette is supposed to make people feel comfortable. As a  bride planning a wedding, it wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable if someone did that. I never said it was THE thing to do, or that it's OK for everyone. Good lord.
    Posted by JJJ625[/QUOTE]



    NO. It's rude. Period.

    Your logic is entirely flawed. Etiquette isn't about whether one person is offended. If that were the case then my husband would be following perfectly acceptable etiquette every time he farted near me. I'm not offended by it but that hardly makes what he does proper.
  • I think it's shockingly rude and offensive that anyone would publicly question the "point" of a Catholic wedding ceremony! Especially based on its length! I'm offended by this and I'm not Catholic. I'm not even Christian of any denomination. But I respect one's right to follow a religion of her/his choice and have a marriage ceremony within that faith, abiding by whatever meaningful rites and rituals that encompasses.

    What a bunch of immature brats to whine and complain that someone's wedding ceremony is too long and boring for them when the ceremony is meaningful and significant for the couple getting married? Guess what selfish wedding guests - it's not about YOU! Someone who so blatantly just skips out on the ceremony and just heads to the open bar because they apparently have the maturity, emotional and intellectual depth and attention span of a two year-old, does not deserve to be invited in the first place!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:c87c76b5-2f97-42c3-abce-9169eed2d701">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]It was rude of her to say something for sure. However, the last catholic wedding I went to was well over an hour and I started falling asleep. <strong>I just don't understand the need but, then again, I'm not catholic</strong>. Our minister spoke super slow just to make it to 10 minutes. I can't imagine standing there for more than an hour. Lol.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    The need is because the Catholic mass is about 50 minutes to an hour long, depending how long the Homily is, and how many people choose to receive the Eucharist. If you choose to have a full  Catholic Mass, then it will be about that long. You can also just have the wedding ceremony, which is much shorter (that is what we did and it was about 20 minutes long). It is pretty much everything except Communion, so that cuts off a good chunk of time.

    Also, if this is your sister-in-law, is she married to your brother, or is she the sister of your FI? Just curious what her spouse thinks about her comments to you.
  • Get over yourself.  If someone is being blunt about the ceremony then maybe one should consider not to have such long ceremonies where guests will fall asleep.  So in that case who is really witnessing your marriage anyways?

    Or just don't invite that guest.  If you don't like that person's response you have a choice to not have them at your wedding.  No need to share a beautiful day with someone that rude, right?  It's your wedding, you make the decision.

    With that said, I find it laughable that "etiquette" is such a one-sided mirror.  When the Etiquette Policewoman comes and just says what is wrong with an idea without really considering the situation I am not sure how much of an "etiquette" that is.

    And honestly, what is the point of being angry at something so small?  On the day-of you're going to forget all of this anyways.  So why should it eat up your time now?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c9ded3b1-4639-486e-852d-5d2320b51636Post:97898f70-a41b-4d9a-a3e3-c4e74857b3fe">Re: How rude!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Get over yourself.  <strong>If someone is being blunt about the ceremony then maybe one should consider not to have such long ceremonies where guests will fall asleep</strong>.  So in that case who is really witnessing your marriage anyways? Or just don't invite that guest.  If you don't like that person's response you have a choice to not have them at your wedding.  No need to share a beautiful day with someone that rude, right?  It's your wedding, you make the decision. With that said, I find it laughable that "etiquette" is such a one-sided mirror.  When the Etiquette Policewoman comes and just says what is wrong with an idea without really considering the situation I am not sure how much of an "etiquette" that is. And honestly, what is the point of being angry at something so small?  On the day-of you're going to forget all of this anyways.  So why should it eat up your time now?
    Posted by wrdgirl[/QUOTE]

    REALLY??  The notion that you'd say that is so insulting to the faiths that many brides practice it's unfathomable.   The ceremony is what unites the couple in marriage.  It's the REASON for the big party.  If you can't handle a long ceremony perhaps you need to seek counseling or see a doctor.   You don't have to like the faith of the bride and groom but you need to respect it - and you need to respect THEM by attending the wedding.

    And really - do you get that etiquette is not a one-sided mirror?  You're being invited to a wedding and reception and to attend only one because you think one part is too boring for you is flat out rude and disrespectful to the couple.  

    I'm seriously amazed at how bad your advice is .
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