when is it considered a "problem"?

mandysmear

i know this girl who gambles a lot.  but she can afford it.  she loses a lot of money, but she still lives a great life, pays her bills on time.  that's how some people in her life justify it for her.  i am not sure i agree with it.

same with other addictions... like drinking and drugs.  when do you consider it a real problem?

waltzingmatilda13

When it interferes with everyday life and becomes and obsession. Like if she was using money to gamble and not paying bills, I think that would be a problem.

mica178

When it interferes with her ability to function in normal life.  That's when the addiction/dependence definition kicks in.

FutureMrsTR

I would say when it negatively affects your life or the lives of those around you.

High rollers in casinos can lost $100,000 in one hand, but if they can afford it and that's how they want to spend their time or be entertained, more power to them.

lmills730

i dont know...i think thats very personal.

i would not be okay with FI losing a lot of money, regardless of our ability to pay bills on time, and would consider it a problem.

but i also know others like you, who dont consider it an issue.

for me, no drugs are okay.

but FI is a wine distributor, so we have 1-2 glasses of wine 6-7 days a week. some might consider that a problem, but we dont!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Once it affects her ability to live a normal life. Like pay her bills, go to work, see her friends. If she'd rather just gamble than do anything like that, I'd see that as a sign that she needs treatment. If it's a way she likes to spend her time on the weekends, whatever. But if she consistently skips social functions to go gamble, I'd be concerned.

cmhershey

When it starts to interfere with your daily life, and she's unable to function without gambling.

[Deleted User]

When it overlaps into your regular life.  When the consequences of these things affect you or friends/family.  I think your priorities are key here and if you let drinking, gambling, drugs, etc become a priority than it's a problem. 

salt78

It depends on how much it is interfering with her daily life. I would think it wouldn't even be so much of a money issue. She could have unlimited funds. But if she's spending a very large part of every day gambling, then I think that's a problem no matter how much money she has. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I've asked myself this before, because if I go a weekend without an alcohol beverage or two, I'd notice. But I won't just grab a Stella from the fridge because it's Saturday and I can afford to be drunk all day. Fi and I truly enjoy trying different kinds of craft beer, either at home or at our favorite beer bars and restaurants. So that's just a large part of my social life, IMO. I don't knock them back mindlessly.

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:3b0174b7-741f-44d4-b1af-0f111ddf30f5">when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]i know this girl who gambles a lot.  but she can afford it.  <strong>she loses a lot of money</strong>, but she still lives a great life, pays her bills on time.  that's how some people in her life justify it for her.  i am not sure i agree with it. same with other addictions... like drinking and drugs.  when do you consider it a real problem?
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

You see, money is relative.  It may be a lot to you, but it obviously isn't a lot of money to her.

MissLeahM

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:8085131a-e3ff-400a-852c-fed759b88686">Re: when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]Once it affects her ability to live a normal life. Like pay her bills, go to work, see her friends. If she'd rather just gamble than do anything like that, I'd see that as a sign that she needs treatment. If it's a way she likes to spend her time on the weekends, whatever. But if she consistently skips social functions to go gamble, I'd be concerned.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div><div>Well said!</div>

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:4c96fa24-7ff2-41d6-b544-849872f2391d">Re: when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've asked myself this before, because if I go a weekend without an alcohol beverage or two, I'd notice. But I won't just grab a Stella from the fridge because it's Saturday and I can afford to be drunk all day. Fi and I truly enjoy trying different kinds of craft beer, either at home or at our favorite beer bars and restaurants. So that's just a large part of my social life, IMO. I don't knock them back mindlessly.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

But you could live without a beer if you chose to. I think that's good test for a problem or addiction. Can you live without it by your own choice.

arbolita

You can still have a problem if it doesn't interfere with your life.  There is such a thing as a functioning addict.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:8c6a74dd-264c-405d-92b7-250aebb38a80">Re: when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can still have a problem if it doesn't interfere with your life.  There is such a thing as a functioning addict.
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

Some would argue that functioning addicts aren't really problems (yet).

Here's a good screen for addiction:
Do you think you need to cut down on your [behavior]?
Do you get annoyed when your family criticizes your [behavior]?
Do you feel guilty about your [behavior]?
Do you need an eyeopener (to do [behavior] first thing in the morning)?
[insert possible problem behavior] 
IF you answered "yes" or "often" to 2 of the above 4 questions, you might have a problem.

eastunder1

Is she hiding how much she spends?  Lying about it? 
Does she skirt the issue or avoid mentioning hard numbers?
Overly justifying it?
Cutting back in other areas (clothing, hobbies, dinners out) to further support it?
Letting bills go to support it?
Does she become aggitated or defensively hostile when asked about it?
Does she seem preoccupied by gambling?  Always wants to do that instead of other social activities?
Does she get angry if her plans to gamble fall through or get ruined?

Yes?  She's there. 

Gambling is one of those really hazy areas where it COULD just be a hobby and not a problem, but more often then not it switches from one to the other.  If its enough that you're concerned enough to raise the issue to other people for opinions, I'd say there is most likely cause for concern.

edit:  You were asking more in general, weren't you?  I dont really now how I'd define "problem."  I think if rationalization and justification become involved, then its gone into the bad place.  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:524a5e6e-4434-4a7e-9092-68895b53027b">Re: when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: when is it considered a "problem"? : But you could live without a beer if you chose to. I think that's good test for a problem or addiction. Can you live without it by your own choice.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah, totally. I've examined the issue and I just don't want to! Haha.

jasmineh7777

Gambling is based on the operant conditioning principle of varied reinforcment. People get reinforced by winning. Even winning once makes it more likely that a person will keep gambling. If this is a daily occurence and she becomes anxious when she can't gamble, I would be worried.

mandapanda78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:3b0174b7-741f-44d4-b1af-0f111ddf30f5">when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]i know this girl who gambles a lot.  but she can afford it.  she loses a lot of money, but she still lives a great life, pays her bills on time.  that's how some people in her life justify it for her.  i am not sure i agree with it. same with other addictions... like drinking and drugs.  when do you consider it a real problem?
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>When it starts to interfere with your life. I don't think asking "can I still pay my bills?" is sufficient, though. You  have to also assess how it's impacting your relationship with other people. If you can pay your bills, but you haven't exchanged a pleasant word with your spouse in a while (for example), that's a problem. 

</div>

I Want Cake

If it gets in the way of a normal life, like if she gives up time with friends/family to go gambling alone, that would be a problem.  I'm a little scared for her.  Just because she can afford it now, doesn't mean that she'll always have the means that she does currently, and it could all go downhill very, very fast.

thesuninherhead

According to the DSM (diagnostic manual psychs use) (and according to wikipedia which came up when I googled 'DSM' haha), problem gambling is defined by 5 or more of these:

Preoccupation. The subject has frequent thoughts about gambling experiences, whether past, future, or fantasy.
Tolerance. As with drug tolerance, the subject requires larger or more frequent wagers to experience the same "rush".
Withdrawal. Restlessness or irritability associated with attempts to cease or reduce gambling.
Escape. The subject gambles to improve mood or escape problems.
Chasing. The subject tries to win back gambling losses with more gambling.
Lying. The subject tries to hide the extent of his or her gambling by lying to family, friends, or therapists.
Loss of control. The person has unsuccessfully attempted to reduce gambling.
Illegal acts. The person has broken the law in order to obtain gambling money or recover gambling losses. This may include acts of theft, embezzlement, fraud, or forgery.
Risked significant relationship. The person gambles despite risking or losing a relationship, job, or other significant opportunity.
Bailout. The person turns to family, friends, or another third party for financial assistance as a result of gambling.

 

But to be honest, I think the more simplistic definition of it getting in the way of your life (be it work, general enjoyment, etc) is a more functional way than needing to meet a certain tick-box cut off. 

 

I've been wondering this lately because H and I drink pretty much every night- just one drink usually, but I wonder if that is 'ok'. 

ipen44

I have always seen addiction identified by a couple of factors:

Do you continue to do it despite repeated negative effects in your life?  Does it cause relationship, work, or financial problems?  If it is isolated to something one enjoys, but does not affect how you live it is likely not an addiction. . . yet.

Like all things that we enjoy, they can become addtions if we are not careful.  Maybe help her evaluate how much is going out each month and compare what she will have in 40 years if she would put the same amount in an average performing growth stock mutual fund.  There are calculators for this online.  I know this worked for my Starbucks habit!  Sometimes you don't know what you are giving up until you really look at what the long term costs are.

arbolita

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_considered-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca8b62d4-3b6d-450c-8f44-e9bec54c101dPost:48976cac-50f1-41df-ac08-570150235e9d">Re: when is it considered a "problem"?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: when is it considered a "problem"? : Some would argue that functioning addicts aren't really problems (yet).
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Well that's the most asinine thing I've ever read.

englishgrams

I don't know. My sister is an alcoholic and recovering drug addict who manages to maintain a good job. And she manages but every few years she gets overwhelmed with managing and ends up od-ing and back in a rehab facility. this has happened 3 times in 5 years and she is 20 now. So, if you can help steer her to more productive things that might be the only thing you can do, but with my sister, nothing helped... So what it all boils down to, I think you can be an addict and still function.