Our guest list has been pretty much set since last summer, but recently we have run into some issues. I was adopted and have met my entire birth family. (Immediate and extended.) So basically FI and I have three families invited to the wedding. We did the circles thing and do not have any of my biological cousins on the list.
I am very close to my biological parents, who ended up getting married, and to my two siblings that arrived 8 and 9 years after me. I also have a pretty good relationship with my bio aunts and uncles as well as grandparents, but not with the cousins. Most of the cousins are adults and are on their own now, but there are six still at home. (My bio-mom had 9 brothers and sisters!) We sent STD's to everyone on our list, but there was no indication of kids or no kids. Invites haven't gone out yet.
Flash forward to now. My biological mom asked if the cousins who were still living at home were invited. I explained that I would have no problem including them, but they were not currently included due to etiquette and inviting in circles. She basically replied that inviting ALL the cousins would be too many people and that we should stick with the aunts and uncles only plan. Problem solved...
Well she just emailed me again with this question: "If some of my family want to make your wedding a part of their vacation, how would you feel about kids coming to your dance? What I was thinking was that the parents can attend the wedding and dinner while the kids all hang out at the hotel. After dinner, someone could go pick them up and bring them to the dance."
I am so confused! The thing is we have no problem adding the kids for the whole event, but I don't feel comfortable adding ALL the cousins since that would be like 20 extra people. I also don't know them very well and can't even tell you half their names. I would much rather add the few kids that are still at home and have them come for the whole event than have them just show up later. I think that is way worse! Since people are traveling out of state and we already have kids on our list, it makes sense for them to come. I just don't know what is best etiquette wise for this situation.
Should I ask if she thinks it would be OK to only include the at home kids? Or should I just say no cousins again? Or should we include all of them? My (adopted) parents said they would cover the costs of the extras if we ended up adding them and there is no problem with space at our venue. I just feel odd inviting cousins whom I don't know well. I don't want them to think we are being gift grabby, because that is not it at all!