Sister-in-laws attire?!

shelby_louis_2011

My soon-to-be sister-in-law is a sweet woman but isn't very "knowledgeable"  about etiquette and she sent me links to some of the dresses she is interested in wearing to our wedding this July.......they were short.......low-cut.....and bright white. WHAT DO I SAY OR DO?! Am I being a bridezilla for freaking out over this? His side of the family can be a tad defensive so I don't want to say something and have her hold a grudge about it. How should I go about this?

musicxstore

I'd be pretty mad, too, but the truth of the matter is that, unfortunately, you really can't control what she wears. However, if it really bothers you, ask you fiance to speak to her (i.e. 'hey, I heard you were thinking of wearing a white dress to the wedding - don't you know that only the bride should wear white?' or something to that extent). After all, he has more experience in dealing with his family and may be able to better diffuse the situation. Worse comes to worse... wear white to her wedding. Just kidding about the last part. Good luck!

bethsmiles

Don't do anything. If she chooses to wear something inappropriate or white your wedding it will only make her look bad. No one will be confused about who the bride is and you will be so busy on your wedding day that you probably won't even notice.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-laws-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cbcc8f47-3067-4386-88a9-b6a01a56f36ePost:6c7fa580-e462-4d56-9853-d12c216b1067">Re: Sister-in-laws attire?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do anything. If she chooses to wear something inappropriate or white your wedding it will only make her look bad. No one will be confused about who the bride is and you will be so busy on your wedding day that you probably won't even notice.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

lyndausvi

Okay, you have 2 issues.  Style of dress and color.   

I think you are unlikely to get her drastically change what she is looking for.  It is what it is.  

  Personally think the only the bride wears white at weddings 'rule' is silly,but it seems to be important to you.  I suggest you should send her links to other dresses that are in different colors yet seem to fit the style of dress she is drawn to.  Maybe ones that compliment your colors?   You can  send her dresses that are a little more conservative that ones she is sending you, but I suggest not send styles that are one the other side of the spectrum.  

If she is sending you short, low cut dresses and you send back long, high necked dresses it's going to backfire.    If you send her nice dresses that seem to fit the style she is looking for, but a tad more conservative you are more likely to get her to not to wear white.

waitingformay

I agree with lynda. Send her some other dresses or offer to go shopping with her. 

I think you can mention that traditionally only the bride wears white. If she's not knowledgeable about this stuff, shows you the dress and you say it's fine, and then someone says something to her about wearing white she'll be like why didn't you tell me. I would probably say something like listen, I don't really care one way or the other but people say you aren't supposed to wear white to a wedding. Then you let her know and leave it up to her.

futurepivko

guests are going to wear what they want. thats a truth.

one of my cousins wore a super skin tight, short strapless dress to our wedding. i didnt even really care to look until someone said something, then after that i really didnt care. everybody was waiting for the dress to rip and bust open. and if it did? she would look like the fool.

firsttimersluck

I had a similar issue with my MIL who was insisting on wearing ivory. I sent her a buncha links to dresses my FI and I had picked out saying how great she would look in these and then she would match my mom somewhat for the pictures, since she'll be in them.
If you want to put it nicely, let her know that you see she likes the lighter colors so you think she would look killer in "... light pink.. light blue... gold... light..." whatever and send her a few pics saying that you would love for her to match in color (or style) to the other BMs so that you still look like part of the wedding party and family in the pictures. I don't think you can get her to change the style she likes, so I would say accept that one and look for those types of dresses to tackle the "white" issue.
In the end, if nothing comes of it and you're really worried about hurting a feelings, just suck it up. She'll look dumb, and it won't take away from how beautiful you look in YOUR white dress.

artbyallie

Would it offend her if you simply said something like, "Those are great dresses, but you might get some funny looks for wearing white. Some people think only the bride should be in white." As far as the low-cut and short, unless your ceremony location has a written dress code, you're out of luck and can't tell her how to dress.

jessicabessica

If she sent you links to dresses she's thinking about wearing, I don't see anything wrong with tactfully giving some feedback.  I agree with waitingformay's suggestion of addressing the wearing white issue, if that's something you care about.  Other than that, tell her you want her to wear what she feels comfortable and beautiful in, and you can send her some dresses you like, too, but nothing too much different than the styles she picked out (maybe send some colorful dresses and say that you think these colors would look great on her).

zitiqueen

Like somebody pointed out on another "I want to dictate what grown adults can wear to my wedding" thread, Pippa also wore white and nobody confused her for Kate.

shelby_louis_2011

Thanks for the advice ladies :] We're going to visit them this weekend so hopefully we can talk about it then, or maybe I won't say anything. I'm sure, honestly, there will be some girls there dressed more scandelously than her. Gotta learn to not sweat the small stuff!

badkittyct

You can suggest other less risque styles that are siimlar to her, but there isn't much else you can do.

jemmini6

I'm not a fan of guests wearing white and weddings.  Generally it's not that big of a deal to me (like PPs have said, you probably won't even notice), but I certainly wouldn't want a close friend or family member being ridiculed by the other guests for it.  Under that premise alone, I might casually mention something or just suggest other options for her.  If she still goes with something too risque, then oh well....that's her decision and will only relfect on her. (and I highly doubt that anyone will confuse the girl in the slutty white dress with the bride)

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-laws-attire?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cbcc8f47-3067-4386-88a9-b6a01a56f36ePost:8270afa3-2885-481f-85ba-1e7dc67ea429">Re: Sister-in-laws attire?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Like somebody pointed out on another "I want to dictate what grown adults can wear to my wedding" thread, Pippa also wore white and nobody confused her for Kate.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

<div>While true, this also (mostly) fit in with English custom as the bridesmaids there have traditionally always worn something similar to the bride.</div>

mkrupar

I'd do what Lynda suggested and just send her links of other similarly styled dresses in different colors. Still bright, but not white. Do you think it's possible she's pulling your leg sending these to you? Some family members think it's funny to joke about things they think might upset the bride.